Category: Top

Don’t Mess With The Candyland Gang

| Northamptonshire, UK | Criminal & Illegal, Holidays, Top

(It’s 7 AM Christmas Eve, and our shop has only just opened. I am one of two checkout staff. There are three customers in shop, one of whom is acting edgy and therefore attracts my attention.)

Me: *to my supervisor* “I think that guy put something in his pocket.”

(My supervisor keeps an eye on man and sees him pocket a packet of sausages, so she calls security calls security. Half a dozen tall, bulky guys storm over to the checkouts. However, as it is Christmas Eve, they are all dressed up. Supervisor B, who is dressed up as an ice queen, complete with cape and crown, prevents the customer from leaving.)

Supervisor: “Excuse me, sir, are you sure you’ve paid for everything?”

Customer: “Um…”

(He looks up in fear at my supervisor, who is flanked by an angel, a snowman, a Christmas pudding, a Santa, and a guy in a tutu and fairy wings.)

Customer: “Oh, um, yeah, here’s some other stuff.” *empties pockets* “Sorry, excuse me.”

(He tries to side step to walk around us, but stumbles into a 6-foot snowman complete with top hat.)

Customer: “Excuse me…excuse me…excuse me!” *scurries out the door*

Bread Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

| Australia | Rude & Risque, Top

Manager: *laughing* “You’re gonna love this. There was a complaint against you.”

Me: “Oh, okay?”

Manager: “Apparently you…um, package bread sticks suggestively.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Manager: “Yeah. This is what the actual complaint says: ‘She slid the bread stick into the paper bag while looking at my husband and smiling. I just know she was trying to flirt with him! We couldn’t even eat it, thanks to that hussy!'”

(My manager and I crack up laughing. I’m a lesbian.)

You Must Be Smoking

| BC, Canada | Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Top

(I work in a 100% non-smoking hotel. A lady and her son check in. Ten minutes later, she storms down, son in tow.)

Lady: “You said we had a non-smoking room! My room smells like smoke.”

Me: “I assure you, ma’am, that we are a 100% non-smoking hotel. However, it is possible that someone illegally smoked in your room. I would be happy to change you to a different room if you prefer.”

Lady: “No! We are already unpacked, and it is too much hassle. But my son has lung cancer and he gets very sick if he is anywhere near smoke. You need to discount our room.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not going to discount your room for you. As I mentioned before, I would be happy to help you change rooms into something more satisfactory. We don’t want your son to get sick from the room smell.”

Lady: *shouting* “I want a free room! You’re going to kill my son!”

(At this point, my manager comes out and reiterates that we would be happy to move their room, but would not be discounting their stay. The lady leaves in a huff. The next day, I see her outside smoking; her son is sitting forlornly 3 feet away.)