Category: Top

It’s High Time To Lay Off The Drugs

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

Me: “Hi, can I help you?

Customer: “Yeah, when do you start lunch?”

Me: “At 10:30, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, so can I get [large lunch meal]?”

Me: “No, ma’am, it’s still breakfast.”

Customer: “But you just said you start lunch at 10:30!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but it’s not 10:30 yet.”

Customer: “What time is it?”

Me: “6:00 am, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh.” *long pause* “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was this high when I left the house!”

Physically Checked In, Mentally Checked Out

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Hotels & Lodging, Top

(I’m almost done checking in a hotel guest and am giving them the customary closing spiel.)

Me: “We have a full hot buffet breakfast from 6-10 AM, which is included in your room rate. There is wireless internet throughout, with no password needed to log on. The pool, hot-tub, and gym are at the end of the hallway on the first floor here, and is open from 8 AM to 10 PM. Please let me know if you have any questions. Someone is at the desk 24/7.”

Guest: “Thank you so much. You’ve been so helpful!”

Me: “Okay, here are your room keys. The room number is written inside and the elevator is around the corner.”

Guest: “Great, thanks! Oh, I was just wondering, do you have a breakfast?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we do. It’s from 6-10 AM tomorrow, down here next to the lobby in the breakfast room.”

(I point to room right next to lobby.)

Guest: “Okay. Now, I have a laptop. Do you have wireless internet and what’s the password to log on?”

Me: “Yes, there’s wireless throughout the hotel; there is no password.”

Guest: “Where’s your gym? Are you open now?”

Me: “Yes, it’s open until 10 PM. It’s down the hallways.”

Guest: “Oh, okay. I just wanted to ask everything before you went home for the day because there’s no one here after midnight, I assume.”

Me: “As I mentioned, there is someone at the desk 24/7.”

(The guest’s girlfriend/wife, who has been waiting in the car, comes in.)

Wife: “What’s taking so long?”

Guest: “I have to ask all these questions because she didn’t tell me anything about the hotel when I checked in!”

Me: *shakes head and just smiles*

Guest: “Oh, where’s our room number? You never told me it!”

Can I Show You My Social Insecurity Card

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Awesome Customers, Top

(A customer is about to buy an M-rated game, which can only be purchased by people over the age of 17. My store is really strict about checking ID.)

Me: “And may I see some ID, please?”

Customer: “Why? What for?”

Me: “Because this is an M-rated game, and I am required to ask for ID.”

Customer: “Buddy, I’m 31, and it shows. You don’t need to see my ID.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I do need to see your ID. Otherwise, I risk my job and the store risks a fine.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? Normally, when people ask me for ID, it’s a compliment, but coming from you, you just sound like a bureaucratic snot! Don’t waste my time, and just sell me the d*** game!”

(Another customer standing behind him taps him on the shoulder.)

Customer #2: “Hey, you said you’re 31, right?”

Customer: “Yeah! And this little punk is giving me a hard time about it!”

Customer #2: “How old is your kid? You may be 31, but you seem a little too young to be the father of a 17-year old, which this game is intended for.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? I don’t have any kids. This game is for me!”

Customer #2: *incredulously* “You’re 31 and still play video games?!”

(The 31-year old customer turns red and leaves the store in a huff. Since he’s gone, I go on to serve the next customer.)

Customer #2: “I’m actually older than he is and I play games, too. Since he was adamant about not showing his ID, I figured he had insecurities. I thought it would be fun to mess with him a little, and boy was I right!”