Category: Top

Shocking Mystery Solved

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bizarre, Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

(I work in the call center of a public library. Occasionally, we get strange callers just because it is free and we are required to talk to them.)

Caller: “You need to help me! The Mormons are giving electric shocks to my genitals through my windows!”

Me: “Um, this is a library, I’m not sure what—”

Caller: “You have to help me! I called the police but they won’t help me. They say I’m crazy. It’s the Mormons! They keep shocking my genitals!”

Me: “Well, uh, let me put you on hold for a second.”

(I put her on hold and call out the situation to the other librarians in the call center. One of them happens to be Mormon.)

Me: “I have a caller who claims Mormons are shocking her genitals through her windows.”

Mormon coworker: “We are.”

We’ll Need A Mop To Soak Up All The Bigotry

| Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Bigotry, Top

(I am doing a product demonstration show and I decide to do a character because it makes the job go by fast and it’s more fun. While doing a demonstration in my “Getting Married” character, an old woman in her late 80s takes a mop from me. As she’s about to buy it, she asks me a few questions.)

Customer: “So, you’re getting married? Oh, that’s lovely. What’s your fella like?”

Me: “Julia is a girl and she is the love of my life. We’re getting married in November.”

Customer: “A girl? You’re a dy**?”

Me: “I prefer lesbian, but yes, I am.”

Customer: “A DY** SOLD ME A MOP!”

(The woman proceeds to toss the mop at me and then go get a manager.)

Customer: “Did you know that you have a dy** working here?”

Manager: “Ma’am, I don’t think she appreciates you calling her that.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want a God d*** dy** selling me things that I need. I can’t take them if she sells it to me.”

Manager: “Why don’t I get one of my associates to ring you through?”

Customer: “I’d like that very much.”

(The manager runs her through, but gives me a $50 gift card to our store. Thank you, prejudiced old woman. I got really nice sheets.)

No Good Need Goes Unpunished

| Oregon, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(A customer comes into our coffee shop and stares forlornly at the gum on display. She often comes into the shop to get some ice to chew on, but nothing else. Feeling sorry for her, I decide to help her out.)

Me: “Here, let me get that for you.”

(I reach into my tip jar and pay for the gum with my own money.)

Customer: *takes the gum* “So…where’s my change?!”

Me: *speechless*

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