Category: Top

We Prefer Hipsters Over Hellcats

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Top, Wild & Unruly

(A customer comes over to the small cosmetic service station that I am posted at. All the while, she’s talking on her phone and sounds quite upset.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: *to phone* “Sorry, got go.” *hangs up*

Me: “Ma’am—”

Customer: “SHUT UP YOU, D*** HIPSTER!”

(Note: I’m wearing prescription Ray Bans and have a eyebrow piercing.)

Me: “Uhm—”

Customer: “You heard me the first time! Not another word! You probably don’t even need those glasses!”

(Without warning, the customer rips the glasses from my face. She throws them on the ground, shattering the lenses.)

Me: “Oh my God!”

Customer: “Look! You are fine!”

(My coworker comes over to see what all the commotion is about.)

Coworker: “What is going on?”

Customer: “This b**** was trying to look like a hipster!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, she actually needed those to see. Now get out before I call security!”

Customer: “F*** you! F***ing hipsters taking over!”

(Enraged, the customer grabs a makeup display, tips it over, and starts throwing around items from a nearby shelf. Security rushes over and takes her out of the store while she screams profanities. The total damage cost is over $200 worth of products, not including my glasses.)

Egg On Your Face

| Washington, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I’m kind of petite, so when I’m in the box office I get a lot of kids who seem to think they can intimidate me into selling them R-rated tickets. This particular customer is a classmate of my little sister’s who annoys everyone by walking around repeating ‘I like eggs’ over and over and over again.)

Kid: “Me and my friend want to see Beerfest.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you the ticket.”

Kid: “Excuse me?”

Me: “You’re not 17.”

Kid: “How the h*** do you know?”

Me: “One, you don’t look it. Two, you’re in my sister’s class.”

(The kid stomps off, and goes to the other side of the box office to try the same thing. When it doesn’t work, he comes back with his father.)

Kid’s Father: “Let me get this straight. It’s a movie theater…and you can’t discriminate against customers…but you won’t let my boy into that movie because he’s too young?!”

Me: “It’s rated R, sir.”

Kid’s Father: *to his son* “You told me it was PG-13.”

Kid: “She’s lying!”

Me: “Sir, the marquee says it’s rated R. Any website you look at will say it’s rated R. There’s really no way to lie about it.”

Kid’s Father: “I guess that means I have to go with him, huh?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Kid’s Father: *to his son* “That’s it. You’re waiting for DVD.”

Kid: “This is so not fair! You can’t do this to me!” *to me* “Don’t you know who I am?!”

Me: *calmly* “My sister tells me you like eggs.”

Kid’s Father: *laughs hysterically* “If I could give you a high five, I would!”

As Long As Every Lady Is A Queen

| California, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Top

(I work at a gay male bar as a bouncer. I normally escort or throw out guys due to inappropriate behavior. One day, however, the manager calls me over to throw out a woman. Afterwards, I ask the manager what happened.)

Me: “What was that about?”

Manager: “She kept on insisting to meet me to implement a suggestion for the bar.”

Me: “Oh…so why did you have me kick her out?”

Manager: “She was insistent, and got more and more agitated when I told her we’d never do that.”

Me: “And what was her suggestion?”

Manager: “She said we should have Ladies Night so that more men would come here.”