Category: Top

Calling B.S. On Your B.S.

| Michigan, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top

Me: “Thank you for calling [university]. What can I help you with today?”

Caller: “Yes, hi. I would like to know how to be an alumni. Like, how do I get the alumni membership of this university?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, have you graduated from our university?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “So you are still attending this university at the moment?”

Caller: “No. I just want the benefits. I can get money off on my insurance, but I need you to make me an alumni officially.”

Me: “Have you ever attended our university?”

Caller: *impatient* “No! Can you just tell me how to do this?”

Me: “Well, an alumni is someone who has graduated with an actual degree from the university. You cannot be an alumni unless you have graduated with a degree.”

Caller: *silent*

Me: “One of our degrees.”

Caller: *still silent*

Me: “Only graduates from our university can have our alumni benefits.”

Caller: “What?!”

Me: “You can’t be an alumni and have those benefits without graduating from here.”

Caller: “What? I just want it for insurance. How come you can’t understand this?!”

(This went on for another fifteen minutes before she gave up!)

Dovahkiin’s Day Off

| Hamburg, Germany | Awesome Customers, Criminal & Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

(Skyrim, a popular video game, has just been released. As a result, we are overwhelmed by people who have come to retrieve pre-ordered games and others who haven’t pre-ordered. We’ve just run out of non-pre-ordered games when a customer comes in. He’s holding an empty Skyrim box.)

Customer: “Oh, hi. I would like to buy Skyrim on PC, please.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, we’ve just run out of it. The only ones we have left are pre-ordered.”

Customer: “Aw, come on, man! You must have some left in the back! Please, go check!”

Me: “No, I’m sure we ran out of those. Same for PS3 and Xbox versions. Come back tomorrow morning; we’ll be resupplied.”

(He moans about it for at least 5 minutes before giving up and begins wandering around the store. At this moment, another customer comes in to retrieve a pre-ordered PC version of Skyrim. Before we can say or do anything, the first customer LEAPS on the man, snatches the game from his hands and runs away, with me in tow followed by security. During the chase, the thief screams as if we are going to murder him.)

Customer: “LEAVE ME ALONE, IT’S MINE! IT’S MYYYYYYYYYYYY GAME!”

(A few meters later, he crosses the path of a tall man who, seeing and hearing the commotion, screams something to the thief. The tall man then rams the thief with his shoulder, sending the poor kid fly backwards and landing a least half a meter away. As the thief is being taken away by security and I’m retrieving the game box, I talk to the tall man.)

Me: “Sir, what did you yell to him before grabbing him?”

Tall Man: “Promise you won’t laugh?”

Me: “Okay.”

Tall Man: “FUS RO DAH!”

(FYI, “Fus Ro Dah” is a spell in Skyrim that allows players to violently push enemies and objects around. I couldn’t avoid laughing, and neither could he!)

Courtesy Is For Commoners

| Virginia, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(A mom and her 3 year old daughter come up to my counter.)

Customer: “Tell the lady what you want, sweetie.”

Customer’s Daughter: “I want an ICEE!”

Customer: “What do you say?”

Customer’s Daughter: “And make it fast!”

Customer: “What?! You do NOT say that! We are talking to your father when we get home!”