Category: Top

Traveling At The Speed Of Stupid

| AB, Canada | Family & Kids, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a pool as a lifeguard. We always have problems with children running, even though it is the number one rule at the pool to walk on deck.)

Child: *runs across deck*

Me: “Walk please.”

(Five minutes later, the same child runs the other way.)

Me: “WALK!”

(Five minutes later, the child runs in front of me. I stop the child to make sure she understands me.)

Me: “You need to walk, okay? If I need to ask you again, I will sit you out for three minutes.”

(The child walks away and gets back into the pool. The mother approaches me.)

Parent: “She’s not running. She just walks on her tip toes.”

Me: “It’s not the manner of her movement. It’s the speed she’s moving.”

Parent: “But she’s not running.”

(Her child runs past again.)

Me: “WALK!”

Parent: “But she’s not run—”

Child: *slips and falls*

See Food Can Be A Hard Shell

| Bensalem, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(Our store is advertising a big sale on lobsters. By the middle of the day, we’ve run out of them. After that, this exchange happens with at least 3 different customers.)

Customer: “I’d like two lobsters, please.”

Me: “Sorry, we’re actually out of lobsters.”

Customer: “Well, what about those?” *points to the tank*

Me: “Those are rocks.”

Time To Start Screening Customers

| USA | Extra Stupid, Top

(A customer slams a bottle of sunblock on the counter.)

Customer: “This is worthless! I can’t believe you sell this!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir.” *examines the empty bottle* “But this is the highest protection factor we have.”

Customer: “Well, it’s crap! I want a refund!”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t refund an empty bottle; it’s store policy.”

Customer: “Well, what do you expect?! I have two large windows!”