Category: Top

Enough To Put You Off The Men-u

| Houston, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Top

(I work in a fine dining steak house. A group of middle-aged men have had a bad experience, so the manager asks me to deliver port and cigars on the house to them on the patio.)

Me: “Hello, gentlemen; we’d like to offer these to you on the house. I understand your experience wasn’t what you expected of us and we sincerely apologize.” *begins handing out the items*

Customer #1: “Well, look at you. How about you give us a little spin around?”

Me: “Umm… no. I’m all right, thanks.”

Customer #2: *laughs* “Oh, are you ‘one of those?'”

Me: “Sir, if you’re suggesting I’m a lesbian, no. However, I’m not exactly sure what my personal preferences have to do with you.”

Customer #1: “No need to get uppity, honey! So, what’s it gonna take for you to come hang out with us when you get off?”

Me: “I beg your pardon? Are you asking how much I am? If so, you can’t afford it.”

Customer #1: “Oh, I’m pretty well off, darlin’.”

Me: “There’s not enough money in the world, sir.”

(The group laughs.)

Customer #1: “Fine. Well, where’s a good gentleman’s club around here? Maybe you can meet us there later and see where this goes.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t frequent those establishments personally. You may find one on your own time. Secondly, you have chosen to be misogynistic and sexually abusive to the only feminist in this entire building. Think about that. Third, I have never known any true gentlemen who visit strip clubs regularly, which you seem to do. Have a good evening.”

(My manager’s response? ‘They’re only playing around!’ Needless to say, I quit shortly after that!)

Unloading More Than Just Shopping

| AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Musical Mayhem, Top

(A customer is singing ‘Call Me Maybe’ really loud and obnoxiously while unloading items. I’m in line behind her. People behind me are complaining. The owner sneaks up behind her.)

Customer: “Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy…”

Owner: “…but you’re in my store, so SHUT UP MAYBE!”

(I will shop there for the rest of my life!)

Crying Over Spoiled Milk

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

(I’m working in a restaurant at the bar where we also make coffees. I’m standing at the espresso machine when a male customer approaches to order.)

Customer: “I’d like a cappuccino with no milk, please.”

(This confuses me, as milk is a necessary component for cappuccinos.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Do you mean a black coffee? A long black, perhaps? That’s espresso topped up with hot water?”

Customer: “No, I want a normal cappuccino; just don’t put any milk in it.”

Me: “Well, that would just be a short black or espresso shot. Is that what you’re after?”

Customer: “No! Look, it’s not that complicated. Just make me a cappuccino, but leave out the milk.”

(Still confused, I make up a shot of espresso in a cappuccino cup and show the customer.)

Me: “Is this what you want?”

Customer: “No! Ugh! You kids these days don’t know anything about making decent coffees!”

(I actually have over six years experience making coffees.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I just don’t understand what you want me to make.”

(The customer storms off back to his table in the bistro. Not long after, a woman comes up to the bar.)

Woman: “I’d just like to apologise for my idiot of a husband and order a cappuccino with skinny milk. Honestly, how did he expect you to make a cappuccino with no milk at all?”

(The male customer avoided me for the rest of the evening out of embarrassment, but the woman gave me a nice tip!)