Category: Top

Praise Cheeses

| Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

(Most delis have two slicer machines: one for meat and one for cheese. My coworker is cutting meat for an elderly woman who has placed a very large order, because she’s hosting a book club meeting at her house this afternoon. We’re chatting with her when a 40-something customer approaches the counter.)

Me: “Good morning. Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Hi. Could I get a half-pound of [brand] roast beef, please?”

Me: “Certainly. I’m afraid [coworker] here is using the meat slicer to fill this lady’s order at the moment. Could I get you any cheese in the meantime?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want any cheese.”

Me: “Okay, then. If you want to do some more shopping and come back in a few minutes I should have your order ready by then.”

Customer: “No, I don’t have any more shopping to do. This is the last thing I’m buying.”

Me: “I see. Then I’m afraid there will be a little wait while my coworker finishes cutting meat for her order.”

Customer: “What do you mean I have to wait? That slicer’s not being used, just use that one!”

(She gestures toward the cheese slicer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. That’s our cheese slicer. I’m afraid I can’t cut meat with that one.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?!”

Me: “It’s a possible health hazard. They call it cross-contamination, and that’s what happens if I use equipment to prepare food for you that was just touching something you’re allergic to. Say, if you came to get cheese but were allergic to some kind of meat, the meat juice could get on the cheese you order and make you sick.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not allergic to any kind of meat or cheese. Just use the stupid slicer already!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t do that. Even though you might not have any allergies, some of our other customers might. On top of that, our management has a zero-tolerance policy for that. I could get fired for doing it.”

Customer: “Well, that’s an idiotic policy! I’m not other customers, I’m me! I don’t care what happens to your other customers! If they’re allergic to meat it’s just proof that God wants to get rid of them so they won’t inconvenience people like me!”

Me: “Well, I do care about our other customers, ma’am. And I’m going to ask you to please lower your voice and not tell them that God wants them to die, or I’ll have to call my manager over.”

Customer: “Go ahead and call him, smart guy! You think you know what God wants better than I do? I’ve gone to [church] for 10 years!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I don’t think I know what God wants. Actually, I don’t believe in God.”

Customer:You’re an atheist! No wonder you won’t just cut my f***ing meat! You were sent here by Satan himself to stop me! You’re just like Hitler or Saddam Hussein! Call your manager over here right now, so I can tell him there are demons casting spells over his meat!”

(Fed up, the elderly woman my coworker is serving slaps her own forehead and turns to the raving customer.)

Elderly Woman: “Miss, you need to hush your fat mouth up and let these folks do their job. They don’t need you hooting and carrying on. And I’ll have you know I’ve been attending [the same church] for 40 years, and I know that over there they teach you to have some respect and decency! No wonder you don’t have any, because you can’t hear anything over the sound of yourself screeching! And whatever that young man believes about God is between God and himself, but God loves him no matter what.”

(The customer is silent, and then stammers angrily for a few seconds.)

Customer: “Well, he, uh… he should have just cut my d*** meat!”

(She storms out of the store.)

Elderly Woman: “Some people have no tact.”

Me: “Would you like to try a free sample of our [most expensive cheese], ma’am?”

Elderly Woman: “I’d love to, young man. God bless you.”

Me: “He already does, ma’am.”

UK is OK

| Alabama, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I’m British, white-skinned, blue/green-eyed, red-haired, Celtic. I’m studying in the U.S. and work at a restaurant part-time. It’s a small-ish town and most people there seem to be quite sweet and any comments on my accent have always been ones of surprise or complimentary.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir and madam, are you ready to order?”

Customer #1: *confused* “I’m sorry, what?”

Me: “Are you ready to order?”

Customer #1: *looks at her husband, confused* “What did she say?”

Customer #2: “Must be a foreigner not bothering to learn English.” *slowly and loudly* “I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU. DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?”

Me: *slowly and loudly* “YES, I DO, SIR. I ASKED IF YOU WERE READY TO ORDER.”

Customer #2: “Oh, this is ridiculous! She doesn’t speak a word of English! Tell you what, all these foreigners are coming into America, taking American jobs from real Americans!”

Customer #1: “Let’s find one who can understand us!”

Me: “I can find someone else to take your order from you, if you’d prefer.”

Customer #2: “Oh, she does speak English now!”

Customer #1: “She was screwing with us the whole time! This is unacceptable! We don’t come here to be made fools of!”

Customer #2: “Stupid foreigners coming in stealing our jobs and screwing up the American way of life!”

Me: “If you’re worried about foreigners coming to America and stealing your livelihood and culture, you can take your complaints down to the nearest Native American reserve, where they will be more than happy to sympathise.”

Customer #2: “How dare you?! You think you can come over here and disrespect the American people like that!”

Customer #1: “We want the manager here now! I’ll have you fired and deported back to your own dirty country!”

Me: “I’ll fetch him now for you.”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

(Customer #1 & #2 rant excessively at him for employing foreigners who don’t speak English and disrespect Americans.)

Manager: “Well, sorry to burst your bubble there, guys.” *gestures to me* “[My name] here is from the United Kingdom and arguably speaks better English than all of us. And she’s a valued employee so if it comes down to a choice between your custom and her working here, I’m a have to choose her over you two. Now get out of here!”

(At this point, Customer #3, an old man with a thick southern accent, beckons me over.)

Customer #3: “Hey, you, girlie.”

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer #3: “On behalf of the United States Of America, I just wanna apologise for the way those two morons just treated you. I been a citizen here for 78 years, an’ I ain’t never let nobody tell me howta treat people. I served alongside a British guy in a the last war and I never had a problem wi’ him. Far from it.”

Me: “That’s so nice! Thank you!”

Customer #3: “Woulda married him too if people like that wouldn’t make such a fuss about it.”

Closing Down But Lifting Up

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

(The company I work for is going out of business, and it is my final day working. I’ve been chatting with a customer about how hard finding a new job is as I ring her up.)

Customer: “Well, thank you. We’re off to Starbucks now.”

Me: “Oh, I love Starbucks.”

Customer: “Really? Would you like me to bring you something?”

Me: “I… what?”

Customer: “Yeah, what would you like? I have a gift card so it’s not a problem.”

Me: “The closest one is fifteen minutes away.”

Customer: “I know. What would you like?”

Me: “Um… a caramel mocha?”

Customer: “Grande or venti?”

Me: “A… grande is good. Thank you.”

Customer: “It’s not a problem. Caramel mocha. I’ll be back with it soon.”

(True to her word, she was back later with the coffee. I’ve not had any luck in the job search yet, but her bringing me a free coffee on my last day really made me smile.)