Category: Top

Chat Up Knock Down

| LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Top

(My boyfriend, who is 5’9″ and 175 lbs. of lean muscle, has come to visit me at work. He’s standing across the counter from me when a customer walks in. Not wanting to be in the way, he moves to stand near our fountain drink. The customer walks up to the counter and gives me a lecherous smirk.)

Customer: “How you doin’ hot stuff? You sure are fine.”

Me: *rolls eyes* “I’m not interested. I have a boyfriend, and he’s—”

Customer: “Yeah, sure. I’ll bet he’s a p****. I’ll show you a real man.”

Me: “I’ll have you know my boyfriend was in the Army and is an MMA fighter, so—”

Customer: “That don’t mean s***! Give me your number and I’ll show you what a real man can do for you.”

(I realize I’m not going to get through to this customer, so I sigh and look over to my boyfriend.)

Me: “Babe, will you please explain to him that I know what a real man is, and what a real man can do?”

(Hearing this, my boyfriend stands up straight, smirks, and cracks his knuckles.)

Boyfriend: “Gladly, baby girl. I was wondering when you were going to let me step in.”

Customer: *pales* “Oh, uh, never mind!” *runs out of the store*

Boyfriend: *laughs* “Good thing he didn’t know I need a knee replacement, huh?”

Suited To The Role

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Top

(I work the floor at an independently-owned menswear store. The owner, my boss, spends a lot of time at the shop, and tries to keep prices as low as possible to help our city’s large homeless population get good job interview clothes. A clearly homeless man is wandering around the store. The other patrons are giving him looks.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “I think you may want to call security. That… bum over there, he keeps feeling the suits and muttering to himself. I’m just sure he’s planning to steal one.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I think that’s quite unlikely.”

Customer: “Oh, come on, you know how they are! I mean, I’d keep an eye on him even if he wasn’t homeless!”

(The homeless man in question happens to be Hispanic.)

Me: “We don’t discriminate here, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, I’m sure the owner would want to hear about this!”

(I give in and call him over. The customer explains her concerns. As a black man, my boss isn’t happy with her racism, but agrees to talk to the homeless man.)

Owner: “Excuse me, sir, are you finding what you need?”

Homeless Man: “Well, not really. I’m hoping for something versatile in a dark or navy wool, but most of the options in my size are cut American style instead of European, which fits me a little better. Not to mention they’re all pinstriped, which I really don’t have the build for, you know?”

Owner: “I… yes, I understand. I think we may have some options over here, if you’ll follow me. How did you know all that?”

Homeless Man: “Back before I lost my job, I used to be really into this stuff. I’m not looking for anything fancy, just something I can use to look good for a job interview later today.”

(My boss helps him find something he likes, and comes to the counter with him. The suit is priced at $87.)

Homeless Man: *digging in his pockets* “Hang on, I think I’ve got enough.”

Owner: *to me* “Take my card. I’m buying it for him.” *to the homeless man* “Here. The suit’s yours, on one condition. After your interview today, you come back and apply for a job here too. Got it?”

Homeless Man: “I… oh my God, thank you. Thank you so much.”

(Two years later, that formerly-homeless man is my manager, and has a little girl with his new wife—the owner’s sister.)

Holding The Line Against Bad Customers

| TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Top

(There are usually four to six employees behind the counter at the cell phone store, but today there is only one. She appears to be new and flustered, but is doing very well getting to everyone. I have been waiting for about 20 minutes before a woman in her late 20s and dressed in aerobics gear comes in. She immediately turns to a phone sales rep.)

Aerobics Woman: “Do I really needed to wait in the line?”

Employee: “I only really sell new phones, so I am afraid you will have to.”

Aerobics Woman: “OH. MY. GOD.”

(Five minutes go by, and the next customer is up. I’m about 4th in line now, and Aerobics Woman is 6th. She is grumbling and muttering things under her breath.)

Aerobics Woman: *shouting* “What is taking so long?! I don’t understand why I have to wait in this line.”

(Finally, it’s my turn. I’m up at the counter, and give the poor overwhelmed employee a warm smile.)

Me: “I’m so sorry you have to put up with this.”

(Relieved, the employee lets out a big sigh and her shoulders relax.)

Employee: “No, I’m sorry that it has been taking so long.”

Me: “No, it’s okay, I understa—”

Aerobics Woman: “Why does it have to take so long!”

(I decide I’ve been patient enough with Aerobics Woman and snap back.)

Me: “Are you five f***ing years old?!”

(As soon as I say this, everything in the store grinds to a halt. Aerobics Woman is looking at me wide-eyed, as I in turn am now giving her the ugliest glare I’ve ever managed.)

Me: “Are you seriously under the impression that your constant moaning is going to make anything you’re trying to do happen any faster? Do you have any idea how f***ing ridiculous you look right now? What the h*** is so d*** important that you feel that you have to b**** every 5 minutes for all to hear?”

Aerobics Woman: “I was on the phone to customer service, and they told me that in order to change my account password I needed to come into a store and show proof of ID!I got a new phone because I dropped the old one, and they told me I couldn’t switch it without my password, and I forgot it!”

Me: “Well, of course you’d have to bloody come in! I bet you have credit card info, address info, social security info and all the rest on your bloody account. What if I called Customer Service, put on a lovely voice, and said I was you? What if I stole your phone, called the phone company, and said to them, ‘could you tell me what social security number you have for me, I want to make sure it’s the right one’? You should be thanking this poor woman here, all alone, having to put up with your childish whining, and trying to keep you from getting robbed. Now, shut up, and just wait your turn.”

(I turn back to the employee, and wink. On the way out of the store, another employee intercepts me on the way out.)

Other Employee: “I was wondering if I could talk to you. Customer Service is our number one priority here, and policy prevents us from being able to defend ourselves in a situation like that. On behalf of everyone here, I wanted to see if I could have your name, and give you next month’s service for free.”