Category: Top

Must Go To A Happy-Apping Church

| UT, USA | Awesome Customers, Religion, Technology, Top

(I work for a large, nationwide cellphone retailer in their customer service call center. I’m trying to assist a customer with troubleshooting her smartphone which is doing a number of odd things.)

Customer: “The screen freezes, applications crash, it’s going slow, and calls drop. Once the screen goes into sleep mode on a call I can’t get it to come back up, but then I can’t get it to automatically go into sleep mode otherwise. Someone else has to hang up otherwise the phone will just keep going on the call. On top of all that, the camera. OH, THE CAMERA! It will randomly take pictures! I don’t even have to have the camera up! The flash will go off and a picture appears on the screen!”

Me: “Wow… sounds like you need a priest, not a technician.”

Customer: *without skipping a beat* “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE!”

Me: “Thank you… That made my night.”

Customers In Glass Stores Shouldn’t Throw Stones

| Austin, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Top

(My store is right next to a movie theater in a really rich area. The mall mostly caters to wealthy adults, and as such does not have a food court. My store is the only non-sit down food in the mall. I have just closed down for the night. My store front is glass without blinds.)

Group Of Teenagers: *banging on the windows and doors* “Hey! Let us in! We need cookies!”

(They then proceed to pull on the door and make all sorts of noise. Finally I confront them.)

Me: “My store is closed. You were aware of this and still you banged on the door and nearly set off the alarm. Now you have left marks all over my windows and doors. You will clean them up now, and then you will leave.”

(I hand them paper towels and window cleaner.)

Lead Teenage Boy: “I don’t have to do that! You can’t make me! What’ll happen if I don’t?”

Me: Well, [Lead Teenage Boy], not only do I know your name, as well as where you live, I can ban you from the store and have security escort you from the property. I can also look at the door carefully and if there is damage, file a report with the police department. I guess you forgot that I used to ride your bus, didn’t you?

(They proceeded to clean up the windows and never banged on my doors again. Believe it or not, they were not the only kids whom I made clean the glass.)

The Offer Is Sub-Standard

, | BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month, Top

(The sandwich shop I work in is only a block down the main street from a fairly rowdy nightclub. To alleviate problems we close two hours before the club does but we are often there long past closing to finish the cleanup. It is quite common for drunk people to bang on the door when it is well past closing and try to convince us to make them something. This particular night a group of four young men stumble past and one starts hollering through the locked glass door.)

Drunk Guy: “Hey, can you make me a sub?”

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

Drunk Guy: “C’mon! It’ll just take a sec. Hey, you can just pocket the money and no one will ever know!”

Me: “Yeah, I don’t think so. Even if I wasn’t honest, we have security cameras.”

Drunk Guy: “Oh, c’mon. It’s just a sub. Please?”

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed and all the food is put away.”

(By this point his friends are trying to drag him along but I can see that it’s become a rather inebriated point of pride for him to convince me.)

Drunk Guy: “Hey, I know. Tell ya what. I’ll sleep with you if you make me a sub!”

(I make a really obvious show of looking him up and down.)

Me: “And what’s in it for me?”

(He just stood there looking dumbfounded as his friends all cracked up laughing, one of them actually falling over because he was laughing so hard. Shortly thereafter they dragged him off, still in shock.)