Category: Time

A Very Quick Performance

| Vienna, Austria | Bizarre, Time

(I work in a big theatre where a lot of rich obnoxious people come to watch the performance. No one is allowed entrance into the auditorium after the performance has started. I am working entrance when a woman in her fifties shows up ten minutes late.)

Me: “Good evening, madam. I am very sorry, but the performance has already started; you can take a seat in the lobby. There is a live screen where you can watch until intermission.”

Woman: “So, I am not allowed in?”

Me: “No. I am very sorry, but nobody is allowed in after the music has started.”

Woman: *very understanding* “I get that. But, you see, my mother, she is 90 years old; it takes her a while to get ready, so maybe you could make an exception?”

Me: “I really couldn’t, I’m sorry.”

(The last two sentences are repeated 3-4 times. At that moment sure enough, a very old lady enters the area with her walking stick and stands quietly next to the original woman.)

Woman: *more unsettled* “Look, we’ve paid a lot of money for these tickets! I want you to let us in NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t do it.”

(I look over to my colleague and sign him to get our supervisor.)

Woman: “You are going to let us in THIS SECOND or you’re going to be in BIG TROUBLE!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but once the performance has started, there is no getting in. it says so on your ti—”

(I stop talking at that moment, because the 90-year old woman, that takes so long to get ready and walk, suddenly starts running towards the door to the auditorium. I’m baffled, but since she is 90 years old and I am in my early 20s, the one-second head-start she gets until I believe what’s happening is not enough for her to reach the doors before me, so I stop her and escort her back to her daughter.)

Me: “As I was saying, it says on your ticket, that once the performance has starte—”

(Again, the 90-year-old lady starts running towards the auditorium and I stop her and bring her back. Finally, my supervisor shows up.)

Supervisor: “What seems to be the problem?”

Woman: *switching back to her fake polite tone* “We were late, but look, my mother, she is 90 years old, she’s not that fast anymore…”

(My supervisor continues to give her the exact same information I gave her two minutes earlier. While she gets more unnerved again, the old lady tries running off once more and I stop her again to bring her back.)

Supervisor: *raising his eyebrow* “Well, if she had been that quick while getting ready, you wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place!”

(The woman gave up and took a seat at the monitor.)

Rebutted In Less Than Thirty Seconds

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Time

(I am working the opening shift and our store opens at eight am. After we set up the cash registers, my manager unlocks the doors at exactly eight am. We both stay up the front unpacking new catalogues when an angry customer comes racing up to us.)

Customer: “I demand to see the store manager immediately!”

Manager: “That would be me. How may I help?”

Customer: “You are supposed to open at eight am! Yet you didn’t and I wish to file a complaint!”

(Both my manager and I are in shock, as the clock in the store said eight am and both our watches said the same.)

Manager: “I am sorry, but I do believe we did open at eight am.”

Customer: “No, you f****** didn’t! It was 30 seconds past eight am when you opened! I am in a hurry and do not have the time to wait for you losers to get off your fat a**es and open the store!”

(The customer keeps going on for over half an hour about how we opened 30 seconds past eight am. During this time my manager is trying to listen to her and calm her down while I serve customers who are all watching in disbelief. After I finish serving an elderly customer she approaches the angry customer.)

Elderly Customer: “Excuse me, but how do you know that your watch wasn’t 30 seconds fast?”

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It’s Been A Long Day Exactly

| London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Time

(I’m sitting on reception when two ladies come to check in. I check them in and everything is fine until I start telling them the hotel information.)

Me: “The bar is open 24 hours for hotel guests.”

Guest #1: *looks at me shocked…* “Only 24 hours? But we are here four nights.”

Me: *looking at her dumbfounded and speechless*

Guest #2: “Don’t… don’t worry about her… We had a long trip… We’ll be going up to our room now.”

Brick For Brains

, | NJ, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Time

(I work at a fast food place that’s across the street from what used to be an empty lot. Recently construction has begun on a new building so there’s now lots of construction materials and signs posted around the place. On this day I’m on the opening shift, helping to set everything up in back. We hear someone trying to open our locked front entrance.)

Manager: “We’ll be open in another 15 minutes, sir.”

(The person outside continues to struggle with the door, while the manager and I share a look as the lights are all off and our opening times are clearly sign posted on the door (I know, I know, expecting customers to read and all that). Eventually however, the customer seems to take the hint and gives up so we think nothing more of it… until we both hear a thunderous BANG! against the door. It’s quickly followed by another one, and the sound of glass cracking.)

Manager: “What the ever loving f***?!”

(We run to the front to find a man with an arm full of bricks that he apparently took from the construction site across the street, throwing them one by one at our glass door which is now riddled with cracks.)

Manager: “Sir, what are you doing!? Stop! Stop!”

(My manager frantically unlocks the door before the man can break it down entirely.)

Man: “Oh, hi, your door seemed to be stuck. I’d like a [Breakfast Sandwich] and a coffee.”

Manager: “The door wasn’t stuck; it was LOCKED! We’re not open yet!”

Man: “Really? Well, how was I supposed to know that? The door wouldn’t open!”

Manager: “…”

Man: “So can I get a [Breakfast Sandwich] and a coffee now?”

Manager: “Sure. It’ll be $3,000, cash only right now since the registers aren’t on yet.”

Man: “WHAT!? $3,000 for a f****** [Breakfast Sandwich] and a coffee?”

Manager: “No, for the [Breakfast Sandwich], the coffee, the replacement for the door you just smashed due to apparently being unable to read the sign right in front of you stating when our hours are, or too stupid to realize a store with the lights off, no customers, and a locked door is CLOSED, and also for the trespassing fines and theft of building materials from across the street.”

Man: “What… but… the door wouldn’t open!”

(My manager looks down at the scattered bricks lying around our front entrance.)

Manager: “[My Name], call the police, before I decide to return a few of these to their sender!”

(The man’s jaw dropped open and he promptly dumped the remaining bricks he was holding and ran off. We gave the police a full description along with our camera footage, and that’s the last we ever saw or heard of the impatient brick-throwing moron. The construction company also sent us a letter of apology, saying they’d take additional measures to make sure their materials were better secured from now on.)

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Not Very Closed Minded: Employee Edition

| Knoxville, TN, USA | Time

Customer: “When do you close?”

Me: “Thanksgiving.”

Customer: “No, I mean tonight.”

Me: “Thanksgiving. We’re a twenty-four hour store, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh.”

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