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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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ISPy

| Petach Tikva, Israel | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Technology

(I’m working the night shift on a Friday, around 3 am.)

Me: “[ISP]. This is [My Name] at your service.”

Customer: “My Internet isn’t working, and I know why! It’s because of [unintelligible].”

(I thought I’d heard something about spies, but I wasn’t sure, so I just kept going.)

Me: “I see. Let’s figure out what the problem is, so we can find a solution.”

Customer: “But I know what the problem is! I’m being spied on! It’s the spies! They’re ruining my Internet.”

Me: *sticking to the protocol that exists exactly for that purpose* “Well, if you’re sure someone is spying on you, you have to contact the police.”

Customer: “Nah, I don’t need to call the police. I’m not that paranoid. Anyway, they’re spying on me, too, so they probably know all about it.”

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Customers Without Filters, Part 2

| OH, USA | Technology

(I work in a pet store where I sometimes deal with filters for fish tanks. They are arranged by brand and tank size, i.e. 20 gallons, 55 gallons. I am occasionally called upon to deduce what type of filter or filter cartridge a customer needs. An old man comes up to me with a filter in a plastic shopping bag.)

Customer: “I need this filter.”

(I proceed to inspect the filter looking for identifying marks, like brand and size. There are absolutely none.)

Me: “Hmm… do you know what brand this is?”

Customer: “Lake… land?”

Me: “That doesn’t sound familiar. We must not carry it. Let’s see if we can find something that’ll fit your tank. What size is it?”

Customer: *points to filter* “That size.”

Me: *utterly nonplussed* “Five… gallons?”

Customer: “I don’t know; it’s that size.” *makes vague gestures of dimension*

Me: “Well, that seems like three to five gallons. We don’t have many filters for something that small, but let’s see what I can find.”

(I walk to the aisle with the filters and pick up the one filter we carry for tanks that small. He looks at it.)

Customer: “This isn’t the same filter.”

Me: “I know, but this is the only one we carry for the size it sounds like your tank is.”

Customer: “But I want THIS filter.”

(He wanders further down the aisle to look at the other filters and I help a few other customers. He walks back up to me.)

Customer: *smugly* “I found the filter. You should really know your merchandise.”

Me: “Oh, you did? Where was it?”

Customer: “There. It’s that brand, but it doesn’t look like those.”

Me: “The smallest size we carry in that brand is 20 gallons, and that’s too big for your tank.”

Customer: “But it’s the same brand.”

Me: “We just don’t have that filter. I showed you the one filter we have that would fit your tank.”

Customer: *very exasperated* “Well, can I special order it?”

(I explain that it’s just not something our store as a whole can do, especially if I don’t even know WHAT KIND of filter it even is!)

Customer: “I don’t like that answer.”

Me: “I’m… sorry? Would you like to talk to a manager?”

Customer: “That’s not a good answer. You should get some more training.”

Me: *I’m so done* “Thank you.”

(We walked off in opposite directions and I was so frustrated I went in the back and kicked a box. For the record I’ve been there over a year and I’m the assistant manager of the dang department! I’m not a wizard!)

Related:
Customers Without Filters

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Can No Longer Handle Your Baggage

, | AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Technology

(I work inside a mall for an authorized retailer of a certain big company when I receive a phone call…)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Ya, hi. Umm, I have a bag phone I’d like to activate. Can y’all do that?”

(A bag phone was an early mobile-phone that had to be carried around like a bag or a back-pack.)

Me: “Well, uhh, how old is the phone?”

Customer: “I bought it brand new in 1996! Best phone I ever had. Been out of the world a spell and would like to get my phone hooked back up.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but your phone is not compatible with our network anymore. If you’d like we can get you set up with a new phone that is compatible.”

Customer: “WHAT THE H*** GOOD IS IT TO BUY A NEW PHONE?! I ALREADY HAVE A BAG PHONE! WHY CAN’T I USE THE PHONE I HAVE?”

Me: “Well, they’re heavy, unwieldy, and put off way more radiation than today’s phones. Also, and sir, this is the important bit, they’re not compatible anymore. Your phone uses an analog technology. We all use digital now. I’m sorry, there’s literally no way to use your bag phone.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll just call your competitor and have them do it.”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”