icon_technology

Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Laptop Flop, Part 7

| Sacramento, CA USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Technology

(Because we are an office supply store, many identity thieves and money launderers try to buy laptops from us because they assume we’ll be less vigilant than some other, more popular electronics stores. On this day, a customer we’ve seen many times before, who always uses questionable payment methods – like cards with important info scratched off, expiration dates that don’t match, etc. – comes in. Somehow he thinks we won’t recognize him, despite the fact that he comes in every two weeks. As always, he heads straight for the cooler, to buy an orange soda – which is the same thing he’s always done every time he’s come in. According to policy, we can’t refuse a customer service even if we know he’s been trying to scam us.)

Coworker: “Oh, hey, [Customer]! Good to see you again!”

Customer: “Hey! I— what? I’ve never been in here before!”

Me: “You really like that orange soda, don’t you? You get one every time you’re here! I have to admit, it IS pretty good.”

(The customer grabs a bag of chips, too, you know, because that will throw us off!)

Me: “What brings you in today?”

Customer: “I wanna buy a laptop. Just give me the cheapest laptop you have.”

(Honest customers browse the selection, ask questions about features, and pick a laptop that will work for the tasks they have planned for it. Not this guy! But I decide I’m not going to play the game of pulling a laptop from lockup, dealing with this guy’s fraudulent card, or watch him try to make a grab for the items we’re keeping behind the counter.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We’re out of that one. It’s on sale this week, so it’s pretty popular.”

Customer: “Well, then how about the next cheapest one?”

Me: “Let me check.”

(I wander around the store for a minute, and then come back up.)

Me: “Well, we had one of those, but it got returned because it’s damaged. I can’t sell it.”

Customer: “Well… how about [Brand]? Just give me any laptop you have! I don’t care what it is. Just give me one. It’s for my little brother for school.”

Me: “Yeah, you know? All these models are being cleared out for next year’s models. It doesn’t look like we have ANY in stock! But, hey! I’m pretty sure by the time you come back next week, we’ll have some. Did you want to leave us your name and phone so we can call you when we have more in stock?”

Customer: “Err, no. I’ll go somewhere else.”

(He tried to play it cool and leave the store, but we saw he had someone idling in the parking lot right outside the door. We were able to get a license plate number, make, and model, to report to the police. We bet he was going to try to make a grab for the laptop and run with it. But once he realized we all knew his face, he stopped coming in. Thank goodness!)

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 6
Laptop Flop, Part 5
Laptop Flop, Part 4

An Unhappy Meal

| NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(The majority of my calls tend to come from the technologically deficient users attempting to access our online banking site.)

Caller: “I can’t get into your website. Are you having problems?”

Me: *verifies website is working normally* “No, ma’am, our website appears to be working just fine. There might be an issue with your computer. What web browser are you using?”

Caller: “McDonald’s.”

Me: “Pardon me, but did you say McDonald’s?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Are you using the Internet at McDonald’s?”

Caller: “Of course, that is what I just told you.”

Me: “Okay, but I need to know what program you are using to get onto our website.”

Caller: “I already told you. I’m using McDonald’s.”

Me: “I understand you are using their Internet access, but I need to know what program you are using. Could it be Internet Explorer, Firefox, Google Chrome, or Opera?”

Caller: *in a rather desperate tone* “I already told you. I’m using McDonald’s.”

Me: “I understand. What does the icon that you clicked on look like? Is it a blue ‘E’ with a gold halo?”

Caller: “How would I know that?”

Me: “Look on your desktop and…”

Caller: “How many times do I have to tell you that I’m at McDonald’s?”

Me: “Ma’am, the desktop is what you see when you turn the computer on.”

(This conversation went on for 20 minutes before we finally figured out she was using Internet Explorer. The issue was that her Java was out of date. Way out of date. Talking her through updating Java took an additional 15 minutes. After the conversation, I walked into my boss’s office and informed him that I qualified for hazard pay.)

IMEI Oh My

| UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “My phone is completely dead. I can’t do anything with it”

Me: “Does it have a removable battery?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Can you please remove it as I need to check the IMEI number?”

Customer: “But that will disconnect the call.”