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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Directionless With Languages

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Language & Words, Technology, Transportation

(I’m working the electronics counter at a large retail store. A woman comes up to the counter and stares at the GPS systems. I ask if she needs help with anything.)

Customer: “My old GPS broke and I need a new one, but can you help me please find one that is in English?”

Me: “All the systems come pre-installed with English.”

Customer: “Really? My old system speaks a language I don’t understand and that’s why I need a new one.”

Me: “Ma’am, is your old GPS in the car? Can you bring it in?”

(She retrieved the GPS from her car and I took less than a minute to reset the language for her. She was nearly in tears because she was so grateful.)

Put A Freeze On PS3 Returns

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m manning the cash register when a customer comes in with a PS3 box.)

Customer: “Hey, I bought this from you guys new a couple of weeks ago and it’s overheating. Could I get an exchange?”

Me: “Sure! Let me just test it out so I can give our refurb guys an exact account of what happens.”

(I take out the system out of the box to find that it’s pretty cold and a bit damp.)

Me: “Um, sir, is there a reason your PS3 is wet?”

Customer: “Oh yeah. I stuck it in the freezer for a little while to cool it down when it got hot.”

Me: “…You stuck your PS3, an electronic device… in the freezer?”

Customer: “Yeah, because it was hot.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this system is now water damaged by your own actions. I can’t exchange it.”

Customer: “What?! Why the h*** not?!”

Me: “Even if it was faulty before, because you put in the freezer your warranty is void.”

Customer: “That’s stupid! What the h*** am I supposed to do now?!”

Me: “You could maybe try calling Sony tech support, but they’ll probably just tell you the same thing.”

Customer: “So you’re saying I just spent $200 dollars for nothing! Can’t you do anything?!”

Me: “The only thing I can do is to advise you to NOT put electronics in the freezer. Maybe put a fan on it next time.”

(I smiled sweetly and he glared at me and stormed out with his overheated and frozen PS3.)

If They Had An Ounce Of Sense

| Bangor, Wales, UK | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Technology

(In the run up to Christmas, one of the popular items has been a small radio controlled quad-copter, and I have been enjoying myself flying these up and down the mall to demonstrate. A young man comes in and enquires about these:)

Customer: “So could it carry any weight, say, an eighth of an ounce?”

Me: *trying not to laugh, as the specific weight mentioned is a dead give away* “Well, no, not really.”

Customer: “Okay, but would it be able to carry any weight over a wall and come back?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “So it wouldn’t, perhaps, be able to carry a sixteenth over a prison wall?”

Me: “Er, no…”

Customer: *leaving* “Okay, thanks anyway. If the police come in, don’t tell them I was asking, okay?”