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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

No Sign They Read The Sign

| UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(I work at the self-checkout registers, helping customers with machine errors and doing theft prevention. Four of our self-checkout registers do not accept cash, to save space.)

Customer: “Where do I insert my cash?”

Cashier: “Sir, this machine accepts debit and credit only. It does not accept cash”.

Customer: “Really? You should have a sign that says that”.

Cashier: “Actually, we have several. There’s one posted just above the register in bright orange, one above the self checkout entrance, and at the beginning of the transaction, you pressed the button that says ‘yes, I understand this machine doesn’t accept cash.'”

(The customers always, with a red face, quickly and quietly run to one of the cash machines!)

Wish You Could Firewall These Customers

, | St. Louis, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, my computer is on fire. What should I do?”

Me: “Call the fire department! Why are you calling us? You should try to put it out!”

Customer: “It’s your fault, though! What are you going to do about my computer?”

Me: “Sir, I strongly advise you trying to put out the fire before we continue. There is nothing we can do about your computer being on fire.”

Customer: “Look here! I was following your instructions on the CD that came with the kit. It told me to install the ethernet adaptor. I opened my laptop, put the green card inside, put it back together, and now it’s on fire.”

Me: “Whoa! Wait, you said you got a green ethernet card, and you opened your laptop up and put it in there?”

Customer: “Yes! Now what are you going to do about my computer being on fire!”

Me: “Sir, the adaptor we sent you was for a desktop computer, not for a laptop. There is no way that the card supplied will work for your computer. We could have assisted you had you called in prior to you attempting to install the adaptor, when you could not find a place to plug it in. Instead you slammed it all together, and caused your own fire hazard. I strongly suggest that you call the fire department, or try to put out the fire yourself while the firefighters arrive. There is nothing that I can do to support you at this time.”

Customer: “But what is [ISP] going to do about my computer?!”

Electric Sense Of Humor

| IL, USA | Technology

(I work in the electrical department of a hardware store. I’m a young male with pretty long hair, so sometimes the customers don’t want my help with electrical questions, as they believe me to be too young to know what I’m talking about, even though I also work as an electrician. A middle-aged woman approaches me and impatiently knocks on the desk to get my attention.)

Woman: “I need help with some wiring my husband is doing at home.”

Me: “Sure thing. What exactly did you need help with?”

Woman: “I have some questions.”

Me: “If you’d like to explain the project to me, I’d be happy to answer any of your questions.”

Woman: *looks me up and down* “No, I need someone who knows what they’re doing.”

Me: “I’m certain I can help you if you’d like to explain the problems you’re having.”

Woman: “No, I’d like you to call somebody else over.”

Me: *seeing this is going nowhere, I get on the store intercom* “Guest assistance needed at the electrical desk, please. Guest assistance at the electrical desk.” *to woman* “Someone will be right with you.”

(I go back to reading the Sunday ad while she waits. About 60 seconds later I look up.)

Me: “Hi there, ma’am. You needed some help in electrical?”

(The woman just looked at me in astonishment and stormed away.)