Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Registration Disassociation

| Canada | Bad Behavior, Technology

(I answer a call.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to activate this software I bought. Quickly now, I’ve already been on the line for too long!”

Me: “All right, ma’am, in that case, the system needs the registration number.”

Customer: “Why? Can’t you just see it on your screen and press the button?”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, but I really need that registration number. Otherwise the system won’t let me in to activate the software.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know how to find it!”

Me: “It’s not an issue, ma’am, I can guide you. Please go into the Settings menu. Once there, you go into the section About, and finally you click on Registration Number to display the 12-digit number the system needs.”

Customer: “That’s too difficult!”

Me: “Once again, I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am. I’ll go more slowly. First, please go into the Settings menu. Please let me know when you have and I will move along.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, I know!”

Me: “Then, ma’am, please find the section titled About…”

Customer: “Hmm hmm.”

Me: “…then finally click on Registration Number to display the 12-digit number the system needs. Could you please read me that number?”

Customer: “I don’t have it!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you sure you are following the steps exactly?”

Customer: “I haven’t done any of that! Why should I do all the work?! Just activate the d*** thing already!”

Me: “I’d be happy to, but to do that I need the registration number!”

Customer: “You’re just a lazy idiot! Get me someone on the line who knows what they are doing!”

Me: “Just to confirm, you’d like for a supervisor to handle your file?”

Customer: “Get one on the line, child!”

Me: “Your request to have a supervisor handles your case has been logged as per our process. I will therefore disconnect this call and a supervisor will get back to you within a business week. Good bye, ma’am.”

Customer: “WHAT D—”

Me: *hangs up*

You’re Getting Warmer

| MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Technology

(In the time leading up to Thanksgiving each fall, our store carries supplies to cook a turkey: the fryer itself, peanut oil, etc. Last season a gentleman came in looking for a ‘cooker’ and I assumed this is what he wanted. I took him over to the shelf and this is how that conversation went:)

Me: “Here we are sir, turkey fryers!”

Customer: “No, no, this isn’t it. I mean, these are nice but the ones you had last year are what I’m looking for.”

Me: “These are the same style we carry every year. How was the other one different?”

Customer: “Well it didn’t use oil at all. Just two sticks.”

Me: “Two sticks?”

Customer: “Yeah, it was just a plate with two vertical sticks.”

Me: “Umm… I have to admit I’m a bit lost on this one. I’ve worked here for five years and the oil-type is the only turkey fryer we’ve had.”

Customer: “No, no. I’d like the style you had last year.”

Me: “Well, if you’d like to leave your information I’d be happy to check into special ordering you something. So it’s a flat plate and…?”

Customer: “Okay. So, it’s a flat plate with a cord sticking out of it, and two round tubes that stick straight up. I’m sorry, but this isn’t a pretty subject…”

Me: “Go ahead…”

Customer: *lowered voice* “Well, you can do two turkeys at once on it. You stick the tube up the turkey’s a**, plug it in, and it cooks it.”

Me: “…”

(After a few more moments of awkward conversation, I came to the conclusion the customer had made Thanksgiving dinner last year with a boot warmer.)

Not The Brightest Of Requests

| Canada | Technology

(We remote to users’ computers to assist them with issues and resolve them. Sometimes certain issues are from the outside of the computer, so remoting to them is pointless and we just explain them how to troubleshoot.)

Customer: “How do I reduce my monitor’s brightness?”

Me: “Do you see a menu button on your monitor? It can be anywhere on the bottom, top, or sides.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “What is the model of the monitor? It should say the model on the back of the monitor.”

(The customer then tells me the model and then says:)

Customer: “I have pressed a button on the right and it showed the brightness level.”

Me: “Are there other buttons, with arrows next to that button?”

Customer: “Right now it’s at 85, but I don’t see any button or arrows to control it.”

Me: “One minute. I will try to find a manual for your monitor.”

(I find a manual of the monitor and the menu button and the arrow buttons to select are very well shown on the monitor.)

Customer: “You may connect to my PC to see what I mean.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I will not be able to see the buttons on your monitor as they are on the outside. If you look on the bottom right corner of your monitor, do you see the power button with the menu button?”

Customer: “But you can see my screen when you connect to me, can’t you?”

Me: “I can see your desktop, but I don’t have access to the menu buttons on your monitor. If you look on the bottom right corner of your monitor, you will see the menu button with the arrow buttons.”

Customer: “That’s fine if you can’t connect. I thought it might help you to see how it looks when I bring the brightness level on the screen.”

Me: “It won’t. When I connect to your computer, I see your computer using my own monitor. I will not be able to see the menu options of yours and your brightness level will not affect mine… Now, do you see the button on top of the power button?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do you see the arrows?”

Customer: “Oh… thank you so much! I figured it out now. Bye!”

Email Fail, Part 10

| Pasadena, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(My company just opened up a rewards program for customers. You earn coupons immediately when you make a qualifying purchase. i.e. when you spend $30+ you earn a $5 coupon off a purchase of $10+; when you spend $100+ you earn a $20 off a purchase of $40+. The downside is we only email/text them to you; we do not send coupons to your house or issue rewards cards.)

Me: “I see your total comes to over $30. Would you like to sign up for our rewards program? You’d earn a $5 coupon right now.”

Customer: “I’m already signed up.” *tries to hand me a competitor’s rewards card*

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not for my store. We don’t issue cards, but if you just give me a phone number and email I can sign you up for free right now.”

Customer: “I’m not giving you my email.”

Me: “Okay, just know you can sign up any time on our website.”

Customer: “I want to sign up now.”

Me: “Okay, I just need a phone number and email.”

Customer: “I don’t give out my phone and email.”

Me: “Then how am I to sign you up?”

Customer: “Just give me the coupons.”

Me: “How? They need to be emailed to you.”

Customer: “No, you can just hand me some.”

Me: “No, that’s not how it works.” *explains how to earn coupons*

Customer: “Well, I’m NOT giving you my email. So, what are you going to do about this?!”

Me: “Tell you to have a nice day, dear.”

Customer: “What about my coupons?!”

Me: “I’ll email them to you.”

Customer: *suddenly happy* “Oh, okay! I can’t wait to get them.” *leaves without ever giving me their email address*

Me: “I’m going to go take a break.”

Related:
Email Fail, Part 9
Email Fail, Part 8
Email Fail, Part 7

Unable To Provide Console-ing Advice

| Kent, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work as a sales assistant for a popular video game retailer, and part of what we do as a company is trade in old consoles and games for cash or credit. In order for us to trade them in, they need to be in a sellable condition with all parts present.)

Customer: “Hi, we’re looking to trade in our [Console #1].”

Me: “Sure thing, I’ll just get everything out to test it.”

(Upon taking the console out of the bag it was presented to me in, I untangle the cables to find out that they’re missing an AV cable.)

Me: “Do you have an AV cable or HDMI cable with you as well?”

Customer: “No? Why would I need that?”

Me: “Well, in order to proceed with the transaction I need to test the console, which I can’t do without an AV or HDMI cable.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. Why can’t you just use one of your cables? You must have hundreds.”

Me: “We can’t use other cables because we also need to sell the console with a connecting cable for the TV. Every console is sold with an AV cable, so we need to trade every console in with one.”

Customer: “But I had to buy a HDMI cable separately when I bought the console!”

Me: “Yes, but the AV cable should have come with it. You can either find it at home or buy one from us and take the value off your trade-in.”

Customer: “That’s absolutely disgraceful! Just take the console without the damn AV cable.”

Customer’s Wife: “I had the exact same problem when I came to trade in [Child]’s [Console #2]! This is not acceptable.”

Me: “A [Console #2] is different as it is a handheld console. Every non-handheld console is sold with a connecting cable to connect it to a TV. You can buy one today or I cannot trade in your console.”

Customer: “In that case I’ll take my business elsewhere!”

(The couple stormed out with their console and headed to a rival store. About 30 minutes later I saw them walk past our store, Console #1 and all.)

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