Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Try To Keep Pace With The Questions

| NSW, Australia | Health & Body, Technology

(I work as a receptionist for a radiology practice, and we need to go through a list of safety questions before a patient can go in for their scan. An old woman and her daughter/carer walk in.)

Daughter: “Hello, my mother has an appointment today.”

Me: “No problem. First I need to go through a list of implants or devices she may have in her body, and I just need a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer to whether she has them.”

Daughter: “No, no, no! My mother doesn’t have anything! She’s just as God made her!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is protocol. It’s important to ask each question…”

Daughter: “Don’t bother; the answer is “no” to everything.”

Me: “Okayyy…” *notes this down on form*

Patient: “Well, I do have a pacemaker. Will that be a problem?”

(She was about to get an MRI. That could kill a patient!)

Rise Of The Machines

| Peterborough, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Technology

(One of our local hardware stores has just installed self checkouts. I’m in line waiting to use one myself. I watch one gentleman get through ringing everything in just fine, and then he goes to pay. I guess he selected debit or credit.)

Machine: *quite audible* “Please use the pin-pad on the side to complete your transaction.”

(The screen also had a diagram and an arrow. The customer stuck his card in the bill slot, then tried the coin slot, then tried the receipt slot, then tried to swipe card on the scanner. He managed to try everywhere but the actual debit terminal, all while the machine was giving clear prompts along with a picture. He eventually cancelled everything and went to a regular cashier.)

A Very Tech Supportive Outcome

| Pittsburg, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Technology

(I’m the customer in this scenario. I’ve gotten a new computer and am having troubles with the speakers so I call tech support. While on hold I’m fiddling with the computer. The tech support girl comes on right as I realize the problem.)

Me: “No! NOOO!”

Tech Support: *sounding alarmed* “Ma’am?”

Me: “Right as you picked up, I realized what the problem is… The plugs are in the wrong jacks.”

Tech Support: *laughing* “I see. Is there anything else I CAN’T help you with today?”

Me: “Maybe you could send somebody over to help me pick my dignity off the floor…”

Tech Support: *chuckling* “Sorry, ma’am. That’s not covered, unfortunately.”

With Every ‘Like’ I Like You Less

, | Birmingham, AL, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology

(A young teenage girl walks in the store:)

Girl: *with attitude* “I, like, bought this $80 phone case like two months ago and it’s, like, completely broken now. Like, what do I do?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the case is way past the store’s return policy; however, it does have a one-year manufacturer warranty you can go through.”

Girl: “That’s, like, so f****** unhelpful. You suck.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s all I can help you with.”

Customer: *observing this conversation to me* “Please don’t apologize to that brat. She obviously just needs to work for something for the first time in her life.”

Girl: “This store sucks and I, like, so just wasted my gas for this s***.” *storms out of store*

Not Worth The Paper It’s Printed On

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer has called in about his cable tv bill. Several discounts have expired on his previous statement so I have added some recurring discounts back on and begin to review with him:)

Me: “Okay, I’ve got those two $5 discounts renewed and also added another one for $5, and all of those are good for an entire year. I see that your billed amount was for $95 but you can go ahead and just send us the $80. The computer will know it’s received the correct amount.”

Customer: “I’m looking at my statement and it didn’t change.”

Me: “Oh, are you looking at your online statement? Press the F5 button to refresh the page and amount will change.”

Customer: “I don’t have a computer. My billing statement –” *I hear a flapping noise as a piece of paper is shaken towards the phone* “– DID NOT CHANGE.”

Me: “…You’re asking why the piece of paper you’re holding in your hand, a physical piece of paper that was mailed to you, didn’t change when I made adjustments to your account just now?”

Customer: “Yes! It still says $95!”