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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Won The Gold Medal For Most Stupid Customer

| Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Technology

(I work on the shop floor of a DIY store. A customer comes up to me holding a torch and looking confused.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m not quite sure how this torch would work.”

Me: “You just put AA batteries in it and push the button on the side here.”

Customer: “But it says here on the label that this is a silver-coloured torch.”

(She points at the label on the silver torch and it does indeed say ‘Torch – Colour: Silver.’)

Me: “Yes, that’s right…”

Customer: “But how can light be silver?”

Me: “Oh, no, the light is white like a standard torch. The colour on the label refers to the colour of the metal.”

Customer: “But… it says it’s silver…”

(At this point I get a black torch off of the shelf to show her that the label says ‘Torch – Colour: Black’)

Me: “See, the label on this one says black and this metal is black.”

Customer: “But it says it’s a silver coloured torch!”

(After 10 full minutes of explaining, the woman handed me back the silver torch and walked off muttering about false advertising.)

X-Bong

| Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Technology

(A customer comes in carrying the box for an original Xbox.)

Customer: “My Xbox isn’t working.”

Coworker: “That’s no good. Pop it on the counter and we’ll have a look.”

(The customer places the box on the counter. I’m standing nearby when my coworker opens the box. From the box emerges the most putrid smell you could ever imagine. My coworker has to jump back from the smell, holding his nose. Having known some ‘interesting’ people in my life though, I recognise the smell. I lean a bit closer to the box and sniff a few times.)

Me: “Mate… did you spill your bong water on this?”

Customer: *incredibly long awkward silence* “Yeah.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…not replacing it then?”

Me: “Not a chance.”

(The customer left and I got to try to explain to my coworker why I knew the smell of bong water so well.)

Time To Take A Screenshot In The Dark

| Europe | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Our tech support department has just sent out an email with instructions on how to configure something, complete with screenshots. I overhear the colleague next to me receiving a support call.)

Colleague: “Hello, this is tech support. How can I help you?”

Colleague: “Yes, you have to follow these instructions.”

Colleague: “You see that dialog box?”

Colleague: “Great, click the okay button!”

Colleague: “What do you mean, nothing happens?”

Colleague: “You should really see that other screen after clicking okay on that dialog box!”

Colleague: “You do see the dialog box, right?”

Colleague: “Good, and you do click okay on it, right?”

(After about 15 minutes of trying to figure it out, I see my colleague doing a double face-palm and trying hard not to laugh.)

Colleague: “Okay, so it works now?”

Colleague: “Great, thank you for calling! Have a nice day!”

Me: “So what was the problem?”

Colleague: “You’ll never guess… the person was clicking the screenshot!”

Adamant To The Watery Grave

| Reno, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am a bystander in a well-known electronics store, waiting my turn to be helped by the repair counter. There is a couple ahead of me, having the woman’s phone examined.)

Tech: *showing them with a flashlight* “As you can see, the moisture indicator is dark red, which means there’s water damage and we can’t repair the phone.”

Customer: “What?! Water damage?! That’s ridiculous! I’ve never even taken it anywhere NEAR any water!”

Tech: “I’m sure that’s the case; however, we can’t fix the phone.”

(With much emphasis on how this wasn’t her fault, the woman begrudgingly decides to get a new phone.)

Customer: “And you have to transfer the pictures. There are SO MANY pictures on there.”

Tech: “Well, since I can’t connect it to the computer, I unfortunately can’t do that for you. Unless you have them backed up on your computer at home?”

Customer: “I don’t do that! Can’t you just wifi them over? Why can’t you do that?! I’m telling you, there’s no way there’s water damage! It’s never even come into the bathroom with me!”

(The very patient tech explains the situation, several times, and finally goes to the back to make the switch. The woman turns to her husband.)

Customer: “I can’t believe it! And that had all the pictures on it from our trip to the beach, too!”

If Only You Could Listen To Yourself

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

(I work on the drive-thru. It is in the winter and after we close. I pull my car up near the drive-thru window so I can run a cord out to the block heater while we close up. Most of the store lights are off, including the drive-thru menu and ‘open’ sign. Any cars that pull up after close hear an automated message: ‘thanks for your visit, but we are currently closed.’ As I’m cleaning, I can overhear the message on a headset that’s still on, but I ignore it; we usually get lots of customers showing up after close. About 20 minutes after, as we’re nearly finished, we suddenly hear banging and shouting at the window. The manager goes to the window and tries to tell her we’re closed, but she won’t have it, so he opens the window.)

Lady: “What the f*** is going on here?! I’ve been in line 20 minutes and there’s not even anyone in this car!”

Manager: “Ma’am, we’ve been closed for over 30 minutes now.”

Lady: “So why is the car just sitting here?!”

Manager: “That’s an employee’s car; we’re warming it up so it’ll be warm when we go.”

Lady: “That’s fine, but what about my order? The car is in the way you know! Your dumb-a** employee shouldn’t park in the drive-thru.”

Manager: “Well, I told you. We’re closed now.”

Lady: “Well, I ordered 20 minutes ago. What happened to that?”

(We all took off our headsets as soon as we closed, but my manager asked us if we took an order anyway.)

Manager: “No one here talked to you, ma’am.”

(The lady looks at me and the other guy standing behind the manager.)

Lady: “Well, some lady took my order. She shouldn’t have done that if you’re closed”

(At this point, we all figure out what has happened.)

Manager: “Ma’am, the only lady that worked tonight left four hours ago. Did you actually listen to what they said to you?”

Lady: “Yes. Well, no, not really. She answered and I placed my order. I was on the phone at the time.”

Manager: “Well, sorry, but that was an automated message informing you that we we’re closed.”

Lady: “…well, it should be more clear when you’re not open!”

(She walked away before we could point out the three different signs she would have passed that have our hours listed.)

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