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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

‘X’ Marks The Spot-Box

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Technology

(I’m working in a mall at a well-known video game store and I’ve been there for a few years. We have a policy that if someone buys a warranty for their system we will replace it, no questions asked.)

Customer: “You know the system warranty?”

Me: “Yep, covers everything, no questions asked.”

Customer: “No questions asked… Are you sure?”

Me: “Sure, that’s the policy.”

(Customer reaches into his bag and pulls out an Xbox with an axe embedded in it.)

Customer: “I’d like a replacement.”

Me: “How did that happen?”

Customer: “You said no questions.”

Me: “Uuuh… would you like to take back the axe?”

Customer: “No questions!”

(He proceeds to attempt to yank out the axe, but fails to do so.)

Customer: “New one?”

(I look at him incredulously.)

Me: “Yep”

(I replaced his Xbox. Later, I brought it up with a coworker from another store. He beat my story with a Dreamcast that he replaced that had bullet holes.)

Should Have Been Trained In This

| Wales, UK | School, Technology, Transportation

(There is a Victorian Tram in the county’s most popular resort town. It is owned by the county council, and since most group bookings are long-distance and well ahead of time, the ‘dedicated’ Tramway booking line actually just gets diverted to our office, with a different ringtone/screen display than other calls.)

Me: “Bore da. Good morning. [Tramway].”

Customer: “Hiya, yep; I wanna book my school onto the Tram.”

Me: “No problem. What dates did you have in mind?”

(The customer and I continue to exchange questions over the phone without a hitch until I get to the last question…)

Me: “And does your group have any other special requirements?”

Customer: “Yes, can you let me know if the wi-fi is charged separately?”

Me: “What wi-fi, Mrs [Customer]?”

Customer: “The built-in wi-fi on the Tram.”

Me: “Mrs [Customer], I’m afraid there isn’t wi-fi on the Victorian Tram.”

Customer: “Well, okay. Do you know if the in-built DVD drive can play a normal CD?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is not a built-in DVD drive, either. The Tram is very old.”

Customer: “I KNOW it’s old. I wanted to play the children a clip from [TV show] which did a feature on the Tram; it says it has barely been altered mechanically since it opened. I thought the children could watch it whilst they were actually ON the tram.”

Me: “‘Barely altered’ includes not decking out the Tram with wi-fi, TVs or DVD players, Mrs [Customer]. Most people like to enjoy the views during the tram ride and we have [summit centre] with the facilities to play them if you want to show your presentation there before descending again?”

Customer: “No, I wanted them to see it on the Tram itself. I can’t believe it hasn’t had an upgrade.”

Me: “Lack of upgrade is sort of the point. I’m sorry I can’t help you. Would you still like me to confirm the booking?”

Customer: “Not yet, I’ll check with [Headteacher] first. He needs to know about this.”

(The headteacher phones back several days later to confirm, apologising for the teacher – whom he described as ‘a bit dipsy.’)

Those Kids And Their Googles

| NC, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Technology

(The phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, circulation desk; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I was wondering if you could tell me what temperature I need to cook this turkey at?”

Me: “Ma’am, you realize this is a library, correct?”

Caller: “Yes, but can’t you use that Google thing the kids are talking about?”