Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Cancel My Previous Statement

| USA | At The Checkout, Technology

(I work at a well-known retail store. We work with pin-pads for debit and credit. I like to walk people through each step, because if you select the wrong thing you’ll have to slide the card again and this annoys customers.)

Customer: *swipes card*

Me: “Now if you could select debit or credit.”

Customer: *selects debit*

Me: “Now then—”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME! I’M NOT STUPID! I don’t need you to walk me through this. I know how to do it!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean—”

Customer: “I use my card all the time. I think I KNOW HOW TO USE A PIN-PAD!”

(I decide to let it go. I don’t talk again until I look at the screen.)

Me: “Um, excuse me, ma’am—”

Customer: “WHAT!”

Me: “Did you find something wrong with the price?”

Customer: “No. Why?”

Me: “Because you just cancelled the entire transaction.”

Needs More Than A Penny For Your Thoughts

| TN, USA | Money, Technology

(Our cell phone provider has a promotion where you can add a smartphone or open a new smartphone account for one cent. We are in the store to upgrade our account. A woman and her husband come in to get an explanation about their bill. They watch us get a new phone and the sales person ask us for one cent.)

Woman: “Can I get one of those one cent phones?”

Salesperson: “Yes, all you need to do is upgrade to our data plan.”

Woman: “I don’t want any upgrades. I want to get a phone for a penny and give it to my daughter.”

Salesperson: “You really need to have a data plan with a two year commitment in order to get a phone for a penny. We can sign up your daughter if you’d like.”

Woman: “I don’t get it. I just want a phone for a penny.”

Woman’s Husband: *leading her out of the door* “I’ll explain it to you.”

I’m Just Not That Kind Of Program!

| ON, Canada | Rude & Risque, Technology

(A customer has come in and noticed that we are now using Windows 10. He asks about Cortana, the voice activated assistant, so I give him a brief demo.)

Me: “So you can just say ‘Hey, Cortana,’ and then tell her what you want her to do. Give it a try!”

Customer: “Hey, ‘Cantina!’ Drop Your Dress!”

Me: “Maybe you should try it when you get home…”

Rage Against The Rage Against The Machine

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

(I’m one of the customers in this story and am shopping at a well-know Texan gas station after work. In addition to walking in to prepay for my gas, I also pick up a snack item and an ICEE for me to eat on my back home. However, as I walking to one of the three or four ICEE machines I hear:)

ICEE Machine: “Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE. Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE.”

(This causes me to take a step back and blink before laughing, knowing some fool must have made a mess before. However, I do as the machine instructs and head over to the cashier, still shaking my head.)

Cashier: *scanning my items* “Is this going to be everything?”

Me: “Actually, I need [amount] on [pump].”

(The cashier brings up my car to make sure I have the right number. Before I can continue we hear another customer at the ICEE machine.)

Other Customer: “F***! Your machine is broken! It sprayed this s*** all over me!”

(He comes around the corner, wearing his ICEE and holding – you guessed it – the cup without the lid on it. I let the cashier fix the idiot’s problem, but then hear:)

Customer: “You should put a fucking out-of-order sign on that they all spray -” *he notices I have an ICEE cup that’s filled to the top of the lid* “Which machine did you get that from?!”

(I point to the one I used.)

Customer: “THAT’S THE ONE I USED! ALL IT DID WAS SPRAY AND DUMP IT ALL OVER THE SIDE OF MY CUP!”

(At this point I had enough of his stupidity and decide to shut him up with showing him up. I walk over to the machine. It, like last time, gave out the direction to put the lid on before dispensing.)

Me: *mockingly* “Oh, ‘Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE.’ Gee, I guess I should do that; no telling what could happen if I don’t.”

(I look back and dispense a color ICEE that matches the mess that was left on the cup he’s now tossed without a problem.)

Me: “Wow! That was so nice and easy, and I don’t have any mess on me!”

(At this point the customer is now cherry red and stammering.)

Other Customer: “Uhhh… umm… bu…”

(He then takes his leave before causing any more problems. At the same time, the cashier was back at the counter with another employee.)

Me: “Sorry about that. Though, I guess I’ll buy two ICEEs.”

Other Employee: “No, you won’t. Your total is [half of the amount I asked for my gas]”

Me: “Uhhh… but that’s not even what I asked for gas.”

Other Employee: “After what you did for us, let us help you.”

(Turned out the other employee was the shift manager and he basically let me walk out only paying $20 for a full tank of gas, 2 ICEEs, and my snack.)

Some Lights Shine Dimmer Than Others

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

Caller: “Hi, do you sell lighting for above artwork?”

Me: “Yes, we have several in stock and many others that we could order. Do you know what length you’re looking for?”

Caller: “No. How much are they?”

Me: “Well, that will depend on the size and style you select. Once you’ve measured the artwork we’ll have a better idea of the size. Do you want it to plug in to an outlet, run on batteries, or would you like it hard-wired into your electrical? Would you prefer incandescent bulbs or LED?”

Caller: “I don’t know. Could you give me a price range?”

Me: “Well, they’ll vary quite a lot, and there are dozens of styles. I’ll tell you what… Let me give you our website address. Have a look on there and see if there’s anything that catches your eye. Once we have some product codes, I can get you some prices. It’s [address].”

Caller: *repeats address back to me* “Okay, I’m online right now. Oooh, I see a nice one!”

Me: “That’s great! What’s the product number?”

Caller: “It says it’s $60! Great price. How long will it take to get it?”

Me: “I’m a little confused. We don’t have one at that price. Can I confirm the address with you one more time?”

Caller: “Oh, I’m on eBay. How long will it take to get it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t buy things for you from eBay.”

Caller: “Well, you’re no help at all!”

Page 71/241First...6970717273...Last