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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Rage Against The Rage Against The Machine

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

(I’m one of the customers in this story and am shopping at a well-know Texan gas station after work. In addition to walking in to prepay for my gas, I also pick up a snack item and an ICEE for me to eat on my back home. However, as I walking to one of the three or four ICEE machines I hear:)

ICEE Machine: “Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE. Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE.”

(This causes me to take a step back and blink before laughing, knowing some fool must have made a mess before. However, I do as the machine instructs and head over to the cashier, still shaking my head.)

Cashier: *scanning my items* “Is this going to be everything?”

Me: “Actually, I need [amount] on [pump].”

(The cashier brings up my car to make sure I have the right number. Before I can continue we hear another customer at the ICEE machine.)

Other Customer: “F***! Your machine is broken! It sprayed this s*** all over me!”

(He comes around the corner, wearing his ICEE and holding – you guessed it – the cup without the lid on it. I let the cashier fix the idiot’s problem, but then hear:)

Customer: “You should put a fucking out-of-order sign on that they all spray -” *he notices I have an ICEE cup that’s filled to the top of the lid* “Which machine did you get that from?!”

(I point to the one I used.)

Customer: “THAT’S THE ONE I USED! ALL IT DID WAS SPRAY AND DUMP IT ALL OVER THE SIDE OF MY CUP!”

(At this point I had enough of his stupidity and decide to shut him up with showing him up. I walk over to the machine. It, like last time, gave out the direction to put the lid on before dispensing.)

Me: *mockingly* “Oh, ‘Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE.’ Gee, I guess I should do that; no telling what could happen if I don’t.”

(I look back and dispense a color ICEE that matches the mess that was left on the cup he’s now tossed without a problem.)

Me: “Wow! That was so nice and easy, and I don’t have any mess on me!”

(At this point the customer is now cherry red and stammering.)

Other Customer: “Uhhh… umm… bu…”

(He then takes his leave before causing any more problems. At the same time, the cashier was back at the counter with another employee.)

Me: “Sorry about that. Though, I guess I’ll buy two ICEEs.”

Other Employee: “No, you won’t. Your total is [half of the amount I asked for my gas]”

Me: “Uhhh… but that’s not even what I asked for gas.”

Other Employee: “After what you did for us, let us help you.”

(Turned out the other employee was the shift manager and he basically let me walk out only paying $20 for a full tank of gas, 2 ICEEs, and my snack.)

Some Lights Shine Dimmer Than Others

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

Caller: “Hi, do you sell lighting for above artwork?”

Me: “Yes, we have several in stock and many others that we could order. Do you know what length you’re looking for?”

Caller: “No. How much are they?”

Me: “Well, that will depend on the size and style you select. Once you’ve measured the artwork we’ll have a better idea of the size. Do you want it to plug in to an outlet, run on batteries, or would you like it hard-wired into your electrical? Would you prefer incandescent bulbs or LED?”

Caller: “I don’t know. Could you give me a price range?”

Me: “Well, they’ll vary quite a lot, and there are dozens of styles. I’ll tell you what… Let me give you our website address. Have a look on there and see if there’s anything that catches your eye. Once we have some product codes, I can get you some prices. It’s [address].”

Caller: *repeats address back to me* “Okay, I’m online right now. Oooh, I see a nice one!”

Me: “That’s great! What’s the product number?”

Caller: “It says it’s $60! Great price. How long will it take to get it?”

Me: “I’m a little confused. We don’t have one at that price. Can I confirm the address with you one more time?”

Caller: “Oh, I’m on eBay. How long will it take to get it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t buy things for you from eBay.”

Caller: “Well, you’re no help at all!”

Faster The Phones The Slower The Service

| Ada, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

(I work in a popular hardware store. The following happens as I’m dealing with a family of five or six. The mother and one of her daughters approach my register, both looking at their cell phones.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Did you find everything you needed today?”

(Both women stare at their phones; 15 seconds go by.)

Woman: “Huh?”

Me: *repeats myself*

(Another 15 seconds go by.)

Woman: “Oh, yeah, just this stuff here.”

(I proceed to ring up their merchandise.)

Me: “Okay! You’re total is [total]; would you like to use [Store] card on your purchase?”

(Neither the woman or her daughter answer me. Another 15 seconds go by.)

Woman: “What?”

Me: *repeats myself*

Woman: “Oh! They aren’t done playing yet. We have some more.”

(We wait for a few minutes while the rest of the woman’s family “plays” with some of the stuff we have set out on display so that people can test out the merchandise before they buy it. The rest of the family finally comes to the register, but no one says anything to me although I have smiled and asked what else I can get for them. They are now all on their phones and I ask repeatedly for the husband to please tell me what they need from a different department. Several more minutes follow of me asking for information, followed by silence, and then a confused “what?” As the rest of their merchandise is relayed to me between riveting bouts of cell phone induced silence, I finally complete the order. By this time I am extremely frustrated, but manage to smile and try to tell them their new total.)

Me: “Okay! Your new total is—”

Woman: “Wait! I have a coupon!”

(She proceeds to scroll frantically on her phone. When she turns it to face me, it is the store’s cell-phone app, but it is on a black screen with only a search bar showing.)

Woman: “What do I do with this? It’s for five dollars off.”

Me: *finally fed up* “Ma’am, I don’t know. Our coupons are actually sent through—”

Woman: “Oh! Never mind. Let’s just finish this up.”

Me: *unable to control my exasperation and sarcasm drips through* “Thank you!”

Woman: “Wow! You sure are in a hurry to get rid of us now, aren’t you?!”

Me: *internally screaming*