Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

It’s Like Talking To A Wall-Phone

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

Me: “Welcome to [Phone Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. My phone doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay, You’ve rung the number to find out who your phone company is currently. Would you like to know who your phone company is so you can report it?”

Customer: *getting angry* “No, I want to know why my phone doesn’t work. There is nothing on the other end, no dial tone, nothing. I can’t make any calls!”

Me: “You would have to report that to your phone company. Do you know who that is?”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: *now a bit confused* “Erm… sorry?”

Customer: “I don’t have a phone company. I found an old telephone in the shed, so I plugged it in to the wall to see what would happen, and I can’t make any calls! It’s a disgrace!”

Me: *rendered speechless* “Erm…”

Customer: “What if I was dying or something ? How would I make a call? The government should do something about it; this is a disgrace!”

Me: “So how are you calling me right now?”

Customer: “On my cell phone.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t help you unless you want to know who your home-phone company is, and… you don’t have one.”

Customer: “That’s not good enough! I’m not hanging up until you tell me who I can complain to about this!”

Me: “Madam, as I said before, we are a customer service line to let you know who your current land-line provider is. As you don’t have a land-line, you don’t have a provider. And plugging a phone into a random socket doesn’t mean you automatically have a phone service. With anyone.”

(The customer would not hang up until I gave them the number of ‘someone’ who could fix this. Eventually I gave them the number of the Telecommunications Ombudsman, which she seemed quite happy with. I wonder what THEY made of her call?)

Taxing Faxing, Part 19

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(I repair office machines. If a customer calls for service and they are not under contract, we charge a $90 fee, hourly and parts fees, and mileage if the distance is over 30 miles from the office. It’s to make them see what a great deal being under contract is. I get a call from a secretary that their fax machine wont print out faxes. We get this a lot so I ask her to make sure the paper roll is not in backwards (the old machines run off of a roll of paper instead of sheets). She assures me it isn’t. I tell her it will be over $200 for the me to even come look at it so I ask her to check again. She is adamant that the paper is in right and is insulted that I would even insinuate that she is too stupid to know whether or not the paper is in backwards. I tell her I would be down in the afternoon. When I get there the secretary shows me the machine. I step up, remove the paper roll, flip it around and put it back in, turn on the machine and it starts printing. The secretary just stands there with her mouth open. I write up the bill.)

Secretary: “Y… you aren’t really going to charge me all this?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I told you up front what we would charge and I even tried to help you over the phone.”

Secretary: *starts crying* “My boss will be furious when he finds out. I will lose my job over this!”

Me: “I will lose MY job if I don’t demand payment.”

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 18
Taxing Faxing, Part 17
Taxing Faxing, Part 16

Demanding A Slush-Fund

| Granada Hills, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer walks in and buys a Drink. It is self serve, so we show him where the machine is. Five minutes later, he walks back in, with a big stain on his shirt. He yells at me.)

Customer: “You did this to me!!!”.

(I try to calm him down but he insists that I owe him free gas.)

Me: “A child could use this machine; why can’t you?”

(After arguing for a bit, an eight-year-old child came in, bought a hot dog and a Drink, and left. The customer sheepishly left. He came back three times in the next week demanding free gas and a new Drink.)

H2-Slow, Part 12

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer and her daughter walk in to the store. The daughter has a water damaged phone due to her sweating so much through her pants, where her phone was in her pocket.)

Me: “I’m afraid you will have to take it to a corporate location to get it repaired or replaced.

Mother: *coming to the sudden realization that liquid might not be the best thing for a phone* “So water is bad for phones, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mother: “So if I use my phone to play my music in the shower, will that hurt it?”

Me: “Yes, it’s water.

Mother: “What if I put my phone in a bag?” *pause* “Oh, well, that won’t work. I have to plug my headphones in…”

Related:
H2Slow, Part 11
H2Slow, Part 10
H2Slow, Part 9

2001: A Computer Space Odyssey

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Time

(At this time, I work in the service department of a retail electronics store, mainly fixing people’s computers. One customer will bring up cheap playing card computer games to us and ask if it will work on her computer. She never has any details on the specs of her computer other than it’s at least eight years old. We tell her the games will probably not work but we would need to see her computer to be sure. She never brings the computer in, though, and then the pattern repeats. One day in 2014 she actually calls the store instead of coming in.)

Caller: “Hey I was wondering if you can tell me if a game would work on my computer.”

Me: “Maybe. What kind of game are talking about?”

Caller: “Well, a friend of mine had it. It’s, like, this robot guy and you shoot things.”

Me: “Do you know the name of the game?”

Caller: “No. So, will it work?”

Me: “Not sure, ma’am. Without the name of the game I can’t tell you what the recommended or minimum specs are.”

Caller: “Okay, forget that game. What about [Basic Card Game]?”

Me: *looking up the specs* “It doesn’t require a lot of computing power. What kind of computer do you have?”

Caller: “It’s gray.”

(Yes, she said it was gray.)

Me: “I mean the brand, model, operating system, RAM, hard drive, processor? That would be the information I need.”

Caller: “Well, the box is gray. It was built for me. You guys should know. You just worked on it.”

(I ask for her name and phone number and start looking for a work order for her but come up with nothing.)

Me: “I’m not seeing anything under your information. Could it have been brought in under another person’s information?”

Caller: “No. I mean, you just had it. I just want to know if this game will work.”

Me: “If you want to bring it in we would be glad to tell you if the [Basic Card Game] would work.”

Caller: “I don’t want to bring it in. Just have someone who worked on it tell me if it will work.”

Me: “Ma’am, when did you have us work on it? Like, what month?”

Caller: “2001. Can you put on someone who worked on it?”

Me: “Ma’am, no one in this department now was here in 2001.”

Caller: “Really? So you have a lot of turnover?”

Me: “All businesses have a fair amount of turnover in 13 years.”

Caller: “Really? Huh. Well, can you tell me if the game will work?”

Me: “We will need you to bring your computer in.”

Caller: “I don’t want to do that. It’s heavy. Okay, then. I guess you can’t help. Okay, bye.”

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