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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Suddenly Got Personal

| OK, USA | Money, Technology

(A customer calls our copy shop with an order for several large format color copies. The problem is that she absolutely refuses to set foot in the store to submit, pay for, or pick up the order, and she claims that our submission website is not working for her.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, do you have a [Store Name] credit card?”

Customer: “Yes, I do.”

Me: “Perfect! That’s the one type of card I am authorized to take over the phone, so we’ll just have you pay with that. I’ll set up your order from here with the files you emailed, and then give you a call when I’m ready to start the payment process.”

Customer: “Sounds great!”

(I spend two hours and miss my lunch setting up her order with our third-party vendor, which requires me to upload 24 images separately and keep their sizes consistent. Normally I wouldn’t go through the trouble, but the profit on this order was sizeable.)

Me: “Ma’am? We’re ready to start the payment process, all right?”

Customer: “All right, the card number is [number].”

Me: “Okay, the machine is asking for a driver’s license number to verify your identity.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I don’t want to do that. This is a corporate account and I don’t just want to give out my personal information.”

Me: “…I, uh… I don’t really have any other option here, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, well, just cancel the whole order, then! Goodbye!” *click*

O, Canaduh, Part 3

| Montreal, QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am working as cashier with a very long line of customers, on a busy day in downtown Montreal.)

Customer: ”I’m from the US and I’m buying this for my son. He’ll be so happy! Can you gift wrap it?”

Me: ”Absolutely, ma’am. You can insert your card to pay.”’

Interac Machine: ”Beeeep!”

Me: ”Sorry, ma’am, the transaction was cancelled. Can you please insert your card again?”

Interact Machine: ”Beeep!”

Me: ”Sorry, ma’am, I don’t know what is going on. I’m going to do the transaction on the other machine over there.” *customers in line are getting a little nervous*

Customer: ”Well, I don’t understand. It cancels every time I choose CAN for Canadian dollars ”

Me: ”Ma’am… CAN stands for cancel…”

Customer: ”Oh, that’s why! I never would have guessed!”

Related:
O, Canaduh, Part 2
O, Canaduh

Zero Chance Of Success

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

(If someone’s phone number area code is 905, it is commonly said as ‘nine-oh-five’ instead of ‘nine-zero-five.’ Everyone who has ever sent a letter in Canada, also knows that Postal Codes are always Letter-Number-Letter, Number-Letter-Number. I am trying to do an online order for a customer, who has been very difficult throughout the entire transaction. I am taking his shipping information down.)

Me: “Okay, and what’s your postal code?”

Customer: “P, ‘oh,’ E, 5, Y ‘oh.'”

(I type it in and ask for the rest of his info, but the computer tells me the postal code is wrong.)

Me: “Hmm, that’s weird, it’s telling me the postal code is incorrect. Maybe I typed it in wrong. Can you repeat it to me, please?”

Customer: “P, ‘oh,’ E, 5, Y ‘oh.'”

(I type in P0E 5Y0.)

Me: “No, it still says it’s wrong. Maybe it doesn’t want me to put a space. Did your area’s postal code recently change?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll try again.” *I try again, and nothing*

Customer: “You do know that when I say ‘oh’, it’s not a letter, right? It’s the number Zero.”

Me: “Yes, I know that. I’m putting in zeros.”

Customer: “Because ‘oh’ and zero aren’t the same thing. They may look the same, but they’re not.”

Me: “I know. I put in zeros.”

(I try again, but it still says it’s wrong.)

Me: *to an associate* “Can you put his postal code in? I keep trying with capitals, no capitals, spaces, no spaces, and it keeps telling me it’s wrong. I’ll bet you if someone else just does it, it’ll work.”

(My associate comes over and asks for the postal code.)

Me: “P, ‘oh,’ E, 5, Y ‘oh.'”

Customer: “They’re not ‘oh’s! They’re zeros! That’s why it’s not working!”

Associate: “I know they’re zeros, I know that postal codes are always letter-number-letter, number-letter,number.”

Customer: “But the computer doesn’t know that! The computer doesn’t know that you mean zero when you say ‘oh’!”

Me: “It doesn’t have to, because we’re not typing in ‘oh’s, we’re typing zeros. We’re just saying ‘oh’ because it’s easier. Everyone calls them ‘oh’s; even you did.”

(I tell my associate the postal code again, but I make sure to say ‘zero’ instead of ‘oh’ and when he types it in, it works.)

Me: “Thanks, I knew I just needed someone else to do it.”

Customer: “It’s because you were saying ‘oh’ the whole time! It’s not ‘oh’ it’s zero!”

(I wanted to smack him…)