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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

On A Bandwidth RAM-page

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I sell a customer a new connection because they want it ‘to go faster.’)

Customer: “We’ve had this connection for a few weeks and there’s no difference in speed. You promised me it would be faster.”

Me: “That’s strange. It should be much faster. Let me have a look at the graphs.”

(Looking through the graphs I can see they are using way more bandwidth than ever before.)

Me: “So, looking at these graphs it appears you’re using far more bandwidth than your previous connection. It actually looks like you might be maxing out the connection.”

Customer: “No, it’s not that. When I click on [Browser] it still loads up very slowly.”

Me: “Sorry, just to confirm: [Browser] is slow, or do you mean the first webpage you go to?”

Customer: “[Browser] is slow.”

Me:“…Umm, that’s your computer, not us…”

(Men)swear It’s Not The Store

| UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Unfortunately I am the customer in this one. I call a well known electrical store, but dial the wrong number.)

Rep: “Good afternoon, [Menswear Store]. How can I help?”

Me: “Is that [Electrical Store]?”

Rep: “No. This is [Menswear Store].”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Rep: “Please hold.”

(After a pause…)

Rep: “Hello, sir. I’ve checked the sign outside. We are definitely [Menswear Store].”

Me: “Dumb question, huh?”

Rep: “Mm-hmm.”

Me: “Dumbest question today?”

Rep: “Not even close.”

Me: “Do you know much about digital TVs?”

Rep: “No, but I have looked up the number for [Electrical Store] on my PC. It’s [telephone number].”

(Now that’s what I call service!)

Needs More Data On Data

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Technology

Caller: “Why is my mobile bill $900?”

Me: “By the looks of it you’ve gone over your data by about 15GB.”

Caller: “HOW WOULD THAT HAPPEN? I DON’T USE THE INTERNET!”

Me: “Do you use any apps on your phone?”

Caller: “I let my son watch YouTube so he’s quiet.”

Me: “You do realise YouTube uses data?”

Caller: “No one told me that! I don’t want to pay for this bill!”

Directionless With Languages

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Language & Words, Technology, Transportation

(I’m working the electronics counter at a large retail store. A woman comes up to the counter and stares at the GPS systems. I ask if she needs help with anything.)

Customer: “My old GPS broke and I need a new one, but can you help me please find one that is in English?”

Me: “All the systems come pre-installed with English.”

Customer: “Really? My old system speaks a language I don’t understand and that’s why I need a new one.”

Me: “Ma’am, is your old GPS in the car? Can you bring it in?”

(She retrieved the GPS from her car and I took less than a minute to reset the language for her. She was nearly in tears because she was so grateful.)

Put A Freeze On PS3 Returns

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m manning the cash register when a customer comes in with a PS3 box.)

Customer: “Hey, I bought this from you guys new a couple of weeks ago and it’s overheating. Could I get an exchange?”

Me: “Sure! Let me just test it out so I can give our refurb guys an exact account of what happens.”

(I take out the system out of the box to find that it’s pretty cold and a bit damp.)

Me: “Um, sir, is there a reason your PS3 is wet?”

Customer: “Oh yeah. I stuck it in the freezer for a little while to cool it down when it got hot.”

Me: “…You stuck your PS3, an electronic device… in the freezer?”

Customer: “Yeah, because it was hot.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this system is now water damaged by your own actions. I can’t exchange it.”

Customer: “What?! Why the h*** not?!”

Me: “Even if it was faulty before, because you put in the freezer your warranty is void.”

Customer: “That’s stupid! What the h*** am I supposed to do now?!”

Me: “You could maybe try calling Sony tech support, but they’ll probably just tell you the same thing.”

Customer: “So you’re saying I just spent $200 dollars for nothing! Can’t you do anything?!”

Me: “The only thing I can do is to advise you to NOT put electronics in the freezer. Maybe put a fan on it next time.”

(I smiled sweetly and he glared at me and stormed out with his overheated and frozen PS3.)

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