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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Getting Tired Of Your Hangups

| Germany | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Technology

(The international call code for Germany is 0049. My own personal area code starts with 049. A lot of businesses that have international customers will call me.)

Me: “[My Name].”

Caller: “Yes, I’m calling about a problem with my order of [Product]. Can I—”

Me: “—Sorry to interrupt, but you have the wrong number. This is a private household.”

Caller: *hangs up*

(A few minutes later, the phone rings again. I see the same number flash in the display.)

Me: “[My Name].”

Caller: “Yeah, I’m calling about my order—”

Me: “You have the wrong number. This isn’t [Retail Place].”

Caller: *hangs up before I can tell him how to reach the right place*

(Moments later, my phone rings again. Same number.)

Me: *sighing* “[My Name].”

Caller: *hangs up*

(This continues three more times. Then the phone rings again.)

Me: “DON’T HANG UP THE D*** PHONE AGAIN!”

Caller: “Uh… what?”

Me: “You’re trying to reach [Retail Place], but you keep getting me, right? Didn’t it occur to you that this is obviously the wrong number? And if it’s obviously not working, why do you keep calling and then hanging up before giving me a chance to say anything?”

Caller: “Well, uh. This is the number on the website and—”

Me: “No, it’s not.”

Caller: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “Read it out to me.”

Caller: “+49 [rest of number].”

Me: “Look, the 49 is the code for Germany. For people calling from other countries. You need to leave it out when you dial or your phone will convert it to a regular phone number and you end up back here. Again.”

Caller: “But this is the number on the website.”

Me: “Look, we could play this game all afternoon, but I have better things to do and I’m sure you want your order sorted out at some point today. So how about this: you dial WITHOUT the 49 and if you still end up calling me again, I will personally drive the 500 km to [Retail Store] and make sure they fix your order.”

Caller: *does not sound convinced* “Well. I suppose…” *hangs up*

(Lo and behold, it must have worked because my afternoon was a lot calmer after that. It’s a family joke by now that we should bill [Retail Store] for dealing with their customers all the time.)

There Is No App For Stupidity

| FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am showing a gentleman where our screen protectors are for iPads.)

Me: “Here is where we have all our screen protectors. Now to make sure we get the right one do you know which iPad you have?”

Customer: “Apple.”

Me: “That is the manufacturer, but do you know which model it is? The iPad I,II?, the mini?”

Customer: “Um, Apple?”

On A Bandwidth RAM-page

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I sell a customer a new connection because they want it ‘to go faster.’)

Customer: “We’ve had this connection for a few weeks and there’s no difference in speed. You promised me it would be faster.”

Me: “That’s strange. It should be much faster. Let me have a look at the graphs.”

(Looking through the graphs I can see they are using way more bandwidth than ever before.)

Me: “So, looking at these graphs it appears you’re using far more bandwidth than your previous connection. It actually looks like you might be maxing out the connection.”

Customer: “No, it’s not that. When I click on [Browser] it still loads up very slowly.”

Me: “Sorry, just to confirm: [Browser] is slow, or do you mean the first webpage you go to?”

Customer: “[Browser] is slow.”

Me:“…Umm, that’s your computer, not us…”