Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

No Mower, Mow Problems

| Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Money, Technology

(At our equipment rental store we also do repairs on lawn equipment. Each spring, we get slammed when people can’t get their mowers started for that first cut. It’s strictly first come, first served, and customers are told what the approximate wait will be and that we’ll call them when the job is done. I am working in the back area where rental items are returned and fix mowers were kept when a well-dressed man in a very expensive car drove up.)

Customer: “I’m here to pick up my mower!”

Me: “Sure, what name was it under?”

Customer: “It’s [Name], and I can see my mower right there.”

Me: “Sure, just let me get the work order on that.”

(I go to the ‘Done’ folder but there’s no work order. I double check the name and number on the tag on the mower, but still can’t find it.)

Me: “Did you get a call saying the mower was done?”

Customer: “No, but you’ve had long enough. I’m a doctor and my time is very important!”

(I check in the shop and find the work order in the mechanic’s “Done” pile, but he hasn’t had time to complete it with parts, prices etc. I return to the customer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but it looks like the mechanic has just done the work, but hasn’t totaled the charges on the work order yet. I’m afraid he’s on his lunch break. If you could come back later this afternoon, I’ll make sure he has that ready for you.”

(The customer goes into a tirade about how valuable his time is, and fully expects just to be able to drop in and pick up his mower at his convenience even though he hasn’t been called that it’s ready. With dread I go to the lunchroom, where the mechanic is relaxing after already putting in six hours to keep up with the rush.)

Me: “[Mechanic], there’s a guy to pick up his mower. It’s done, but the work order isn’t completed. He ‘insists.'”

Mechanic: *with a sinister look* “Send him to the counter; I’ll write it up.”

(I overhear the customer giving the mechanic a piece of his mind as the work order is written up, then load the mower into the customer’s car. Afterwards I go to apologize for interrupting the mechanic’s much-needed break.)

Mechanic: “Don’t worry about it. The carb’ on his mower was shot, so I took one off one of the dead machines and rebuilt it. I was going to give it to him for free, but since he was such an a**hole I charged him $50 for it. The guy was actually happy that I had ‘saved’ him money.”

Needs To Be Schooled On The Internet

| VI, USA | Extra Stupid, School, Technology

(I work for a school that offers online classes. A parent from Georgia calls with a very simple request:)

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I assist you today?”

Parent: “Yes, I’m thinking of turning off the Internet up here at the house and I want to know if that’s going to affect my daughter’s online school?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I believe it might.”

I Swear By My Password

, | TX, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I work for an ISP that also provides e-mail. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Provider]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I just got a new computer, and I can’t remember the password to log into my e-mail.”

Me: “I can certainly help you out with that. Give me one moment to bring up your account.”

(I verify some information with her and bring up her info, including her e-mail password. Because of what it is though, I’m having trouble figuring out how to give it to her.)

Me: “Okay… So, I have your password up now. So I just want to be clear that what I’m about to tell you is really what I’m seeing on my screen.”

Customer: “All right.”

Me: “Okay, well, the password is ‘f*** you.'”

(I hear some typing in the background.)

Customer: “Great! That was it! Thank you so much!” *click*

Not Ready For The Digit-al Age

| UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Our customer references are eight digits long, which we need to find the customers on our system.)

Customer: “My reference is-” *gives six digits*

(I wait a couple of seconds.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I think the line may have cut out as that reference is a bit too short.”

Customer: “Do you really need me to read out the whole thing?”

35 Cents Too Rich For That Wallet

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

(I work at the student mail center on a university campus, and we constantly have 18-year-old freshmen come in who have never mailed a letter in their lives, and have no idea how it works.)

Customer: “Hi! So, I’ve never done this before, but I have to mail a thing.”

Me: “Okay. What is it you have to mail?”

Customer: “Just a thing. How much is it?”

Me: “Well, I have to see what you’re mailing. Do you have it with you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Go ahead and take it out for me.”

Customer: *takes a wallet out of her backpack* “Just this.” *puts it back in her backpack*

Me: “Okay, well I need you to take it back out so I can weigh it. Does this have to get anywhere fast?”

Customer: *has not taken the wallet back out yet* “I don’t know. How long does it take?”

Me: “Depends on where it’s going.”

Customer: “I’m sending it to my brother.”

Me: “Okay, where?”

Customer: “To my brother’s house, duh.”

Me: “Yes, but where is your brother’s house?”

Customer: “Oh, in [Town about an hour from here].”

Me: “Okay, then in that case, if you put it in this envelope, it’ll get there in about three days. Is that okay?”

Customer: “Sure, whatever.”

Me: “So just write your address here, and your brother’s address in the middle, and when you’re done, it’ll be about $3 all together.”

Customer: “…Why?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “My friend said it would only cost like thirty-five cents to mail something.”

Me: “Um, that’s not really how it works. It’s based on weight and—”

Customer: “But my friend said it would only be like thirty-five cents!”

Me: “Look, even if all you were mailing was a postcard, that would be thirty-seven cents. If you were mailing a single sheet of paper, it would be forty-nine cents. But you’re mailing a wallet. Even at the cheapest shipping, you’d be looking at about two and a half dollars for postage, and fifty cents for the envelope.”

Customer: *rolls her eyes* “Whatever. I have to ask my mom if I’m allowed to spend more than thirty-five cents on this.”

(Then she walked off and we never saw her again.)

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