Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Their Comprehension Is Limited

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(I’m a manager of a small pizzeria. Our coupons do not have expiration dates, but do specify “for a limited time only; all prices subject to change without notice.”)

Customer #1: “I got this coupon for $11.99.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that offer has expired. The combo is now $12.99, so it will just be a dollar more.”

Customer #2: *evidently grabs phone from [Customer #1]* “HEY! You gotta accept this coupon because there’s no expiration date on it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, that was for a limited time. We no longer have that offer. It’s now $12.99.”

Customer #2: “Nope, it doesn’t have an expiration date! All it says is, “limited time offer; prices subject to change without notice.” SEE, it doesn’t have a date on it! So you gotta take it.”

(After this goes on a couple of more rounds, she angrily accepted it, and let me know she’ll be contacting the owner.)

Should Have Looked In The Phone/Book

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work at a large chain book retailer. We sell product online as well as in our stores.)

Customer: “Where is your customer service desk?”

Me: “The cash desk? It’s just behind you.”

Customer: “No, your customer service desk. I need to order a book.”

Me: “We don’t have a customer service desk, but I can help you find a book or order one if we don’t have it in stock. I will just take you over to one of our customer use computers.”

(I lead him over to one of the many computers on the sales floor.)

Customer: “Oh, you just order off [Large Online Competitor]?”

Me: “No, sir, our online orders are though [Company Website].”

Customer: “Not [Large Online Competitor]?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Are you sure it’s not through [Large Online Competitor]?”

Me: “No, sir. [Large Online Competitor] is our competitor and not affiliated with us.”

Customer: “Oh, so, do you sell electronics?”

Me: “Yes, we sell a few small electronics such as e-readers.”

Customer: “Do you sell cell phones?”

Me: “No, we do not.”

Customer: “Not even on your website?”

Me: “No, sir. Just e-readers.”

Customer: “But how do you know for sure?”

Me: “Sir, we are a book retailer. I can guarantee we do not sell cell phones.”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re not [Large Online Competitor]?”

Me: “No. This is [Company].”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I guess I’ll go home and order from [Large Online Competitor].”

Caught In The Techno-babble Web

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Every Wednesday my company hosts a career advancement webinar. I make courtesy calls to remind people that it’s going to start soon and see if they need anything. The invitation they need to access the chat room has already been sent out for this day.)

Me: “Good morning. I’m [My Name] from [Company]. This is a courtesy call to see if you got the invitation to the webinar today and—”

Client: *interrupting* “—a what?! What’s a webinar?”

Me: “It’s the web-based seminar you signed up for.”

Client: “The web? What’s a web?”

Me: “Well, sir, it’s a term for the Internet.”

Client: “Well, you people never sent me the address to the webinar so I’m not going. I know everything there is to know about IT and I don’t need you to teach me anything.”

Me: “Well, sir, if you change your mind, you have my number and we meet almost every Wednesday.”

Client: “I’m not going to because your company is obviously useless. You’re making up stupid words to confuse me into looking into your services. Good day, madam!” *hangs up*

Laptop Flop: Now Out On DVD

| NJ, USA | Technology

(I work at a major electronic retailer in the computer department. A customer and wife comes in with an ancient laptop with VGA and S Video inputs.)

Customer: “I would like to buy a cable to run from my laptop to my TV, so I can watch movies.”

Me: “Why don’t you just buy a DVD player?”

Customer: *pauses and thinks for a minute* “I already have one of those.”

Me: “Then why don’t you just use that?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I guess I just forgot about it.”

(They left and I just stood there in shock.)

He Bought It In Springfield

| Great Falls, MT, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Movies & TV, Technology

(I work at a call center, registering service plans for customers.)

Customer: “Can you help me set my TV up?”

Me: “I’m not tech support but I can give you the manufacturer’s number so they can help you. What is the brand of your TV?”

Customer: “Simpsons.”

Me: “Simpsons?”

Customer: “Simpsons. Like the TV show. S-A-M-S-U-N-G.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Simpsons.”

Me: “Samsung.”

Customer: “No! Simpsons! Can you not hear me correctly?”

Me: “Yeah, I did hear you. Let’s get you Simpsons’ number.”

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