Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…


Read Write Error

, | Eindhoven, The Netherlands | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in IT in the Netherlands. An end-user files a complaint.)

End-User: “My PC won’t start. Just gives me an error message.”

Me: “Okay, which one of the 100,000 errors do you get?”

End-User: “I don’t know.”

Me: “It isn’t written in Arabic or old-Mesopotamian, so what does the error message say?”

End-User: “It’s a bunch of white characters on a black background.”

Me: “And what does it say?”

End-User: “I don’t know. I don’t know how to read this.”

Me: “So you’re telling me that you don’t know how to read?”

End-User: “YES. Come and fix it.”

(The end-user is a teacher.)


The Solution Is Not The Solution

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “My phone got some contact solution on it and the touch screen quit working.”

Me: “Oh, no, that’s no good. Does the phone still power on?”

Customer: “Yes, it still turns on and gets calls and texts but I can’t answer them.”

Me: “Okay, well, you can try putting the device in a bag of rice for a day or so and that may pull the moisture out of the phone.”

Customer: “I’ve had it in rice for a couple hours already and seems to have helped already but I was reading online that I can clean the contact solution out with fresh water or by taking the phone apart and trying the parts off.”

Me: ” I wouldn’t advise either of those things.”

Customer: “Oh… I already started pulling the phone apart…”

Me: *face palm*


Just Bladerun With It

| AZ, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Popular, Technology

(I am working the reception desk. I am often told that I should be a radio announcer or a voice actor, because my ‘phone voice’ is so nice. I am also known as the office nerd, able to recite lines from a plethora of geeky films and shows.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Oh, is this a machine? Or are you a person?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I am a Nexus-series Replicant made by the Tyrell corporation. More human than human is our motto.”

(Fortunately, the caller had seen Blade Runner and got a good laugh from it. My normal coworkers rolled their eyes so hard their retinas detached.)


America’s Debt Crisis Explained, Part 3

| Waleska, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(I work in a store that sells some food items and accepts EBT food stamp cards. A woman comes in with a cart load of groceries and I ring up her items, including one box of baking soda. We sell both the kind you cook with, and the kind strictly for deodorizing/cleaning, and it states clearly on the box it isn’t for cooking (and is located in the cleaning section of the store.)

Me: “Your total is [amount].”

Customer: “I’m using EBT.”

(She slides the card and pays for the transaction. The system automatically charges just the food, leaving the small amount for the box of baking soda.)

Me: “That’ll be [amount], please.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “For the baking soda; it’s [amount].”

Customer: “No, it’s food. I want it on my EBT card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, you picked up the kind for cleaning. It’s not meant for cooking with. See—” *I show her the label* “—I’d be glad to go and get you the correct one, but unfortunately once the payment process has begun, the only way to complete it is to pay the remaining balance, or cancel the order.”

Customer: “I don’t want it then. Forget it. I just want to go. I paid for my food.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I either need the [amount] owed, or I need to cancel the order and ring it in again. It won’t take but a minute.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(I proceed to cancel the transaction. In order to put her money back on the EBT card she needs to put in her pin again.)

Me: “Okay, just put in your pin to cancel, please.”

Customer: “Why? I don’t want to be charged again; just cancel it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but to cancel it the money needs to go back on your EBT card. You need to put in your pin number to authorize that.”

Customer: “I don’t understand! I already put in my pin! I don’t want to be charged twice; just cancel it!”

Me: “I can’t cancel it until you put in your pin. I’m sorry. It won’t charge you twice, but your pin is giving us the authority to put your money back on your card.”

(Finally her daughter, exasperated, puts in the pin for her. I then ring up her items again, this time leaving out the baking soda.)

Me: “Okay, the total is now [amount], please.”

Customer: “What? I already paid. I’m not paying again!”

Me: “Ma’am, you paid once, but then didn’t want the baking soda, so I canceled the transaction and credited the money back into your account for your entire purchase. That’s why I had to ring it all in again.”

Customer: “I already paid! I’m not paying again!”

Me: “Ma’am. I rang up your items, then you slid your card and paid for the food items, but not the baking soda. The only way to fix this was to cancel the entire transaction and credit the money for the entire purchase — all the food — back onto your account. Like doing a refund. You did pay, but I gave the money back, not just for the baking soda, but for the entire thing. So you haven’t yet paid for these groceries.”

(The customer seems to understand and slides her card. When it asks for her pin she flips out again.)

Customer: “I already put my pin in twice! Why do I have to do this again! How many times am I being charged!?”

Me: “The first time you put in your pin was to pay the amount for the groceries. The second time was to authorize us to refund that money back into your account. This third time is to buy the groceries again. You’re only paying once, since we refunded the first purchase.”

(The customer got upset, refusing to “be charged a third time.” Finally her daughter, again frustrated and wanting to leave , put in the pin. The woman continued to question why she had to put her pin in as her daughter tried to shove her out the door. She came back twice to ask again why she had to put her pin in so many times. Finally her daughter succeeded in leading her out, casting me an apologetic look as they left.)

America’s Debt Crisis, Explained, Part 2
America’s Debt Crisis, Explained


Became The ‘Butt’ Of Your Own Joke

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Popular, Technology

(I work in the electronics department of a major retailer. The phone rings one evening. On the other end is a girl, who sounds to be about 14 or so, and I can hear muffled giggles behind her, so I know she’s got it on speakerphone.)

Me: “Electronics, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Oh… yeah, do you have cameras there?”

Me: “Yes, we do”

Caller: “Do you have any green ones?”

Me: “Yes, we have a Nikon model that is green.”

Caller: “Is it waterproof?”

Me: “Yes, this model is waterproof to 75 feet.”

Caller: “That means it takes pictures underwater, right?”

Me: *now certain this is a prank call* “Right…”

Caller: “Can it take a picture of a tree?”

Me: “Yes, it can.”

Caller: “Can it take a picture of my butt?”

(Cue giggling from the other end, that explodes into full-blown laughter at my reply:)

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry, miss; this model doesn’t have a wide angle lens!”

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