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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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A Capital Idea

| Scotland, UK | Popular, Technology

(I am a new trainee on an IT support desk. One of my coworkers is listening in, to make sure I do everything right.)

Me: “Good morning, [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, sorry. I’ve wrongly entered my password three times and I’ve been locked out.”

Me: “No problem, I’ll just unlock that for you. Can I have your details, please?”

(The caller gives me their details and I unlock the account.)

Me: “There you go. Just try logging in and make sure everything’s okay.”

Caller: “No, it’s not letting me in. Let me try again. Nope. And now I’ve locked myself out again.”

Me: “Yes, that’s showing up here. I’ll just unlock it again for you. Are you sure you’re entering the right password?”

Caller: “Pretty sure. Let me just try again. Nope, locked out again.”

Me: “Okay, let me unlock the account and I’ll reset your password. It’s a one-time password, so you’ll be asked to change it as soon as you’ve logged in. Your new password is [password].”

Caller: “Great, thanks. Nope, it’s locked me out again.”

(At this point, my coworker slides a piece of paper across the desk to me with “Caps lock?” written on it.)

Me: “Okay, I know this is a really stupid question, but I have to ask it anyway. Do you have caps lock on?”

Caller: *long silence* “Oh f***! F***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***! Thank you, I can get logged in now.”

Me: “Anything else I can do for you?”

Caller: *laughing* “No. No, thanks. You’ve done enough!”

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Flirt, Camera, Action

| USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Love/Romance, Popular, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I am filling in at a different branch on this particular day. A guy who looks old enough to be my dad walks up to my window.)

Me: “What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need to get a money order today.”

Me: “Sure thing. Do you have an account with us?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, no problem, I’ll just need your ID and a few other pieces of information to get that done for you.”

Customer: “Ask away. I do this every month!”

(I quickly complete the transaction, as the customer is staring at me, and I am extremely uncomfortable. After I hand him the money order…)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “I was also lookin’ for a cute girl…” *grins at me and leans in closer*

(I take a small step backward and try not to let my expression change.)

Me: “Is there anything else BANKING-related that I can help you with today?”

Customer: *visibly disappointed* “Well, no. That didn’t work, huh?”

Me: “Er… no.”

Customer: “Oh, well. At least that wasn’t on tape or anything. That would be really embarrassing.”

(Without saying a word, I point to the security camera above my head.)

Customer: *looks up, expression goes from disappointment to horror* “THOSE THINGS ACTUALLY WORK?!”

Me: “Yes, sir, they sure do.”

Customer: “NOW IT’S ON TAPE?!” *runs out the door*

Coworker: “What was THAT?!”

Me: *puts head down on counter* “I think it’s time for a break…”

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The Devil’s In The Digital

| Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Crazy Requests, Popular, Religion, Technology

(We specialize in household goods that supermarkets won’t carry but people still need, like phones, vacuum cleaners, perfumes, mobile phones, electric razors, cooking appliances, the works.)

Customer: “You, umm, you work here?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I do. How can I assist you?”

Customer: “I need a wireless house phone! Where do you have those?”

Me: “Right over here, sir. If you’ll follow me…”

(Now, protocol for the store is that all items are locked behind glass as display items, and sold items come up from the warehouse. All products come with a code that customers tell the cashiers to have their products brought up.)

Customer: “Hmm, how about that one? That’s a double set, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is. Good brand, too.”

Customer: “Hmm… Can you take it out, so I can feel it in my hand?”

Me: “No, sir, this is our display model. I’m not allowed to take it out without permission from our manager or assistant manager.”

Customer: “But I need to check if it’s a digital phone.”

(All wireless phones we sell are digital. I’ve never heard of an analog wireless phone.)

Me: “They’re all digital, sir.”

Customer: “All? But digital signals cause the Devil to whisper into your brain and cause cancer! I demand you show me an analog wireless phone.”

(This goes back and forth a bit, with me explaining that there is no such thing as an analog wireless phone. A second part about this is that I’ve literally never encountered an as openly religious person in my life before this as this customer was, because keeping your faith to yourself and not forcing it upon others is a big part of society here.)

Customer: “The Devil has already whispered into your brain! I know it! NOW SHOW ME AN ANALOG WIRELESS PHONE!”

Me: “Sir, it’s literally impossible to avoid digital signals in this day and age. Wireless Internet is a digital signal. Wi-Fi is a digital signal. Television is mostly a digital signal nowadays. Even that cellphone you put in your pocket before you walked in? That’s also a digitally encoded signal.”

(At this point the customer just stared at me and walked out of the door, holding a silver crucifix and murmuring prayers.)