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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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Whatever Boris Is Into Is None Of Our Business

| ME, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque, Technology

(We have a patron who frequently asks the library staff to check the spelling on various words or phrases that she’s searching for online. She never accepts that she just spelled it wrong in the first place, but insists that Google it intentionally messing things up for her.)

Patron: “Can you look up the correct spelling for the Northern Lights?”

Me: “Sure. It’s N-O-R-T-H—”

Patron: “No, I mean the real name for them, ‘Aura’ something.”

Me: “Ah, Aurora Borealis.”

Patron: “Yes, but when I typed it in Google kept messing up and showing me dirty stuff! Can you write down the right spelling?”

(She handed me a slip of paper to write on. On it, she’d already written “AREOLA BORIS”.)

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Net-Twerk Support

| MS, USA | Bizarre, Technology

(I call a customer because I have to remote into their computer to check on something. He is an older man I had talked to before and was always very nice. When I get on his computer, I notice a tab still open from YouTube called “how to twerk.” I act like I don’t notice it but he immediately closes it out and says:)

Customer: “Hey, it’s harder than it looks!”

(Not the explanation I was expecting.)

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Didn’t Stop And Ink

| New Zealand | Technology

(An older lady with a very posh accent rings us with a printer problem.)

Customer: “I bought some ink cartridges today and they won’t fit into my printer. I’m very unimpressed with your company right now.”

Me: “I’m very sorry that we’ve let you down. Can I confirm a few details?”

(We confirm what model of printer it was, and that she’d been using it before, and had previously changed the cartridges in the past.)

Customer: “The cartridges just don’t fit.”

Me: “Is there anything blocking—”

Customer: *interrupting me* “No, there’s nothing there; the cartridges are too wide.”

Me: “Can you describe the cartridges?”

Customer: “They are…” *she describes a common model of HP cartridges; she has an Epson printer*

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but those are the wrong cartridges for your model of printer.”

Customer: “But the man at [Popular Stationary Chain] said that these were a common brand.”

Me: “Did you tell him what type of printer you had?”

Customer: “No, I couldn’t remember so he showed be some common types of ink cartridges and I picked these.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure if you go back in and explain what happened they might—”

Customer: *interrupting again* “No! I won’t go in there again. I want you to send me some ink cartridges out for free.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you went to another company, and couldn’t tell the person what type of printer you had, so you guessed about the cartridges.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And it turns out you guessed wrong.”

Customer: “Yes, and it’s your fault.”

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Needs More Self-Help Than Self-Checkout, Part 2

| CT, USA | At The Checkout, Technology

(It’s 6:30 in the morning and our store has been open for about a half hour. I am the only cashier at the moment, so I am taking care of a cash register, as well as two self scan registers. A lady with a carriage full of items walks past my cash register down to the self scan registers. After she tries to find her first item, she calls me over.)

Lady: “I can’t seem to find these bananas in the computer; can you find them for me?”

Me: “Sure, you just click right here—” *clicks PRODUCE button* “—and click on the banana picture. All the produce is listed in here and is in alphabetical order.”

Lady: “Oh, thank you!”

(I start to head back to my cash register and not two seconds later, she calls me again.)

Lady: “I can’t seem to find the zucchini. Can you help me again?”

(I help her find her zucchini as well as about fifteen other produce items. After the produce, she proceeds to have me scan every other item in her shopping cart, because she can’t seem to get them to scan. Finally, after about ten minutes, she finishes and starts to pay.)

Lady: “Gosh, I just wish these things didn’t take so long.”

Me: “I know the self scans can be tricky sometimes, so if you’d like, the next time you come in, I can ring you out at my cash register. The cash registers are a lot quicker than the self scans; I could have your order done in less than two minutes.”

Lady: “Oh, no, it’s okay, honey. I like doing it myself!”

Related:
Needs More Self-Help Than Self-Checkout

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Polluting The Ether

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Overheard:)

Customer: “We need to get a shorter ethernet cable so we can get faster internet.”

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