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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

A Cr-ice-is

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(This winter has been particularly heavy, and many of our customers are without heat, power, and/or hot water. All our techs are working overtime fixing homes without heat.)

Me: “Hello, how can I—”

Customer: “Thank God! I can’t get anyone to come out here, I have an emergency!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “The icemaker isn’t working!”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “My icemaker on my refrigerator! The power was out and now it’s back on but my fridge won’t make ice! I have a party tonight!”

Me: “I… see… Well, ma’am, I’m sorry to hear that but all my technicians are out on emergency heat calls—”

Customer: “This IS an emergency! Did you not hear me?! I have a party TONIGHT and no ice!”

Me: “I understand that, ma’am, but we’re prioritizing calls for no heat and flooding right now—”

Customer: “I knew it! I knew you wouldn’t help me! *at this point, the customer is sobbing and screaming* “No one will help me! I HAVE A PARTY TONIGHT!” *click*

Just Floating That Idea Out There

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a company in California that rents out houseboats for vacations. Someone calls in.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I was just wondering when my power was going to be back on.”

(I assume the customer means the generator on his houseboat stopped functioning.)

Me: *confused* “What lake are you at?”

Caller: “What lake? I’m at my house in Virginia.”

Me: “Well, this is a houseboat rental company in California.”

Caller: “Yeah, I know.”

Me: “How would we know when your power is coming back on?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Should Have Left At Right

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Because of the snow outside, I have been spending most of my time mopping up what has melted in my section. I start on the aisle with printer ink and paper when a customer approaches me in the middle of said aisle.)

Customer: “Where is your printer ink?”

Me: *points to their left*

Customer: “Oh… where’s your printer paper?”

Me: *points to their right*

Customer: *turns red* “You’re going to make fun of me when I leave, aren’t you?”

Me: “No, but there’s a very good chance that I’ll submit this to notalwaysright.com!”

Needs To Get His Fax Straight

| WA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Technology

(We are a small library without a public fax machine. We have a private business fax machine for office use only. We still get spam faxes because the number is publicly listed.)

Me: “Well, I was going to send the weekly report to accounting but something is coming in on the fax.”

Coworker: “Ooooh, is it another offer for a discount trip to Bermuda?”

Me: “It’s some financial thing. Man, it’s eight pages long. Woah. This is someone’s debt consolidation paperwork.”

Coworker: “What? Is it for someone who works here?”

Me: “No… but they apparently live in town.”

(I attempt to call the customer multiple times as a courtesy, but their voice-mail inbox is full. They show up the next day anyway.)

Customer: “Hi. So, uh you should have some papers for me?”

Me: “Did you have your financial institution use the library’s fax line?”

Customer: “No, it was their idea. They say they do that for a lot of customers.”

Me: “Ok. You need to explain to them that isn’t appropriate. Our fax machine is for library business only. I actually thought your fax was spam at first because we weren’t expecting anything. It could have been shredded. It’s also not very secure. We have volunteers and maintenance staff coming and going all the time and we don’t guard the fax machine because we don’t normally receive sensitive documents. We had to look over these papers just to figure out what they were and there is information on here that we did not need to know about you, like your social security number. We couldn’t reach you to warn you either. If you had contacted us first we could have told you not to use our fax.”

Customer: “Oh… so, like, does that mean I can’t send my paperwork back through you guys?”

Me: “You may not. There is a pay-fax machine at the copy shop across town. Please inform the company not to use our fax again. Any other paperwork that is sent will be shredded.”

(The customer shrugged and left. I’m still not sure I got through to them. At the very least I know never do business with that debt consolidation company!)

Code Red

| USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer comes in with his son to purchase Xbox currency. At our store, whenever someone buys any DLC (downloadable codes) a screen pops up on our pin-pad that lets the customer know they cannot return DLC once it’s purchased and to verify that it’s the correct item for the correct system. We also voice what the pad says, to save the customer time from reading it. The customer must hit accept before we can continue the purchase.)

Me: “Okay! All that’s left is to hit accept on the pad, which is just letting you know once you purchase this item, you can’t return it.”

Customer: “But I haven’t swiped my debit card yet…”

Me: *confused* “No, this is for the currency that you are buying. We have a policy where you can’t return it since it’s just a code, and we just need you to accept that you understand that.”

Customer: “But… I haven’t swiped my debit card yet.”

(His tone of voice by this point makes it sound like he thinks I’m dumb and don’t understand what he’s saying.)

Me: “Right, we haven’t gotten that far yet. Before you can pay for it, you need to accept this message here, as I said.”

(He continued to tell me the same thing, until his son chimed in and told him what he needed to do. We were finally able to finalize the transactions. The kicker? He came back the next day trying to return the code saying it wasn’t working. After my manager called our customer service number, who told us the code had been redeemed, the son told his dad that they had already redeemed the code. The father looked pissed and left in a huff.)

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