Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Brings New Meaning To Internet Packets

| Gateshead, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(The customer has recently bought a laptop, and just opened it out of the box.)

Me: “So what exactly is your issue today?”

Customer: “There is something missing from the box.”

Me: “What exactly is in the box, sir?”

Customer: “Well, the laptop charger, battery, and the laptop itself is in there; however, there is no Internet from what I can see.”

Me: “There is no Internet in the box?”

Customer: “Yes, I was told it can connect to the Internet as soon as I get it.”

Me: “Do you have a router you can connect to?”

Customer: “What’s a router?”

Me: “Sir, you’re going to need to speak to an ISP in order to connect to the Internet.”

Customer: “This laptop is a waste of money; it should come with Internet.”

(Customer hangs up.)

Unplugged From Reality

| DE, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My TV isn’t working.”

(After verifying the caller and running through some basic stuff:)

Me: “I’m sorry for the trouble. The cable box doesn’t seem to be responding. I will need you to unplug it.”

Caller: “How do I do that?”

Me: “Just pull the cord from the wall.”

Caller: *getting irritated* “SIR! I’M NOT AN ELECTRICIAN!”

The Final Word On Passwords, Part 2

| Chicago, IL, USA | Technology

(I work at a call center helpdesk. As with most call centers, the bulk of calls we receive are for password resets. The following was between a coworker and one of our callers:)

Coworker: “I can reset the password back to the password you had before. That way we can keep it the same and you won’t have to rem—”

Caller: “NO. I don’t want that. I have a billion passwords already; I don’t want to be remembering another. Let’s just change it to something different.”

The Final Word On Passwords

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 3

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Technology, Transportation

(An elderly woman comes into the store and asks for a new GPS because her old one is “broken.”)

Me: “How long have you had the GPS?”

Woman: “Three years.”

Me: “That doesn’t seem that old. Usually, they last longer. What is wrong with it?”

Woman: “I was driving in Cobourg and it got me lost many times.”

(Cobourg is a town with new developments.)

Me: “When was the last time you updated the maps?”

Woman: “What?”

(I explain to her that she needs to update the maps in order to get accurate results. She responded by saying she does not own a computer and thought I was trying to sell her a computer she did not need. I show her some of the GPS that we have and recommended a basic one with lifetime maps.)

Woman: “Why can’t I get this one? It’s $40 cheaper.”

Me: “It does not have free map updates. To update a single map costs $60-$80, so you’re saving money.”

Woman: “I don’t need to update the maps. It tells you where you’re going!”

(I gave up. She bought the GPS that did not have the lifetime maps. I’m still waiting for her to come back and tell me the new GPS is broken.)

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 2
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity

Cold Chance Of A Warm Reset

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Technology

(Over the university holidays I am an intern at a major bank. At home I work as a support tech for one of the country’s largest department stores. I am also a customer at this cafe.)

Customer #1: “This stupid thing! You should really know how to get this working! It’s ridiculous! You are so rude!”

(I have been coming here since the day I arrived and know the cashier quite well, who I have never heard say a bad word.)

Cashier: “We have tried what we could. If you could just be patient we’ll finish your transaction.”

Customer: *grumbles*

Me: “I’ll just have a latte, thanks!”

Cashier: “Sure thing. Will you be paying with card?”

Me: “Yes! Let’s hope it goes through!”

(There is a communications error on the pin-pad.)

Cashier: “Ah, the paypass has been having issues all day. I’ll just get you to use this pin-pad. This thing is so unreliable; no matter what we try it just never seems to continue working.”

Me: “Ah, I see you’re using [Brand] pin-pads. I could fix that for you right now, if you like?”

Customer #1: “Fat chance. It’s s***!”

Cashier: “Are you sure? We have been having issues all day. I don’t know if you could fix this. I have tried everything.”

Me: “I’m actually on the [Department Store’s] IT account, and can fix this one for you. Have you tried this?”

(I perform the basic troubleshooting, a warm reset, while my payment is being processed on the other pin-pad.)

Cashier: “What did you do to it? It doesn’t look right!”

Me: “All right, I’ll just get you to log on to the pin-pad from your register. You’ll be all good to go again.”

Cashier: “I’m not sure. You just made the screen look all funny… That doesn’t fix it!”

(The cashier logs in to the pin-pad, goes to process next customer.)

Cashier: “Oh! It’s working. How did you know that?”

Me: “Like I said, I work on the IT account for [Department Store]. It would be pretty shocking of me NOT to know!”

(I then proceed to flash Customer #1 with a quick smirk, who then grabs his coffee, scowls, and marches off.)

Me: “If only we could perform a warm reset on HIM!”

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