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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

No Time Lie The Present

| AK, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Technology

(Our company gets hit with spam that asks people to go to an external website and enter your username & password. We block the email but the damage is done, so you pull up a log of people who went to the website and cold call all 50 of them as fast as possible. Five minutes in I get this guy:)

Me: “Hey, you apparently clicked the email and entered your—”

Him: “No, I didn’t.”

Me: “I just need you to change your password; I have a record of you going to the spammy website—”

Him: “No, I didn’t.”

Me: “I literally have a list in front of me. Not only did you put in your username and password, you did it twice when it didn’t work!”

Him: “I didn’t click that—”

Me: “I don’t have time for you to lie to me right now; I’m forcing a password reset and logging you off. Enjoy your week.”

(My boss gave me a slow clap for dealing with this man…)

Making It Rain Laminated Sheets

| Canada | Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal, Money, Technology

(An older gentleman approaches the counter, with an abrupt manner about him.)

Customer: “Do you do laminating here?”

Me: “Yep, sure do!”

(Before I can explain pricing or options or anything, he cuts me off:)

Customer: “Well, where is it? Is it a machine in self-serve, or do I have to give you the items, or what?”

Me: “Oh, it gets done here, behind the counter. What are you looking to get laminated today?”

(He reaches into his pocket and gets out his wallet. That’s not that unusual; people frequently get business cards or small wallet-sized photo laminated. However, instead of getting anything like that out, I see he’s opened the bill portion and is pulling out a $100 bill… and another… and another… and another, until he’s holding out ten $100 bills. He holds them out to me like it’s nothing, a strange smugness about him. In my surprise over it, it takes me a second to actually respond, but eventually I take a step back and hold my hands up and shaking my head;)

Me: “I… can’t laminate that.”

Customer: “What?! Well, why not? What’s wrong with it!”

Me: “It’s illegal for me to laminate any kind of currency.”

Customer: “What?! What do you mean? How is that possible? Just laminate it!”

Me: “Well, even if I COULD laminate it… It would get ruined in the machine… Like, it would melt. You know these bills are made of something similar to plastic, right? And the laminate sheet is its own sort of plastic. The heat from the machine would make the bills illegible.”

Customer: “What do you mean? Just run them through.”

Me: “The heat would ruin them. They would melt together with the plastic of the laminate sleeve, probably ‘bleeding’ and blurring…”

(I had no idea if that would happen or not, I just knew that they couldn’t go through the machine because they’d sustain some sort of damage, and also it is illegal. He looked entirely displeased and put out, but then shoved the bills back into his wallet and stormed away. I turned to my coworker who was with me at the time, looking at her in disbelief, and she shrugged.)

Coworker: “Maybe he had some big bill to pay, and he’s trying to be a smart-a** about it.”

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 21

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(An old woman walks up to my repair bench holding a large, older desktop tower.)

Me: “Hello there! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m having problems with my computer.”

Me: “That’s never fun. What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “I can’t connect my wireless mouse. I put it in the slot but it still doesn’t work.”

(I’m thinking this will be easy enough; maybe the adaptor is faulty. As I move the computer closer to me, however, I notice a loud rattling sound within the case, as if something has come loose.)

Me: “Well, it seems as if the USB ports are functioning fine. Do you have the mouse and adaptor with you?”

Customer: “I didn’t bring the mouse, and the adaptor thing is inside the computer.”

Me: *checking all USB ports* “I’m sorry ma’am, but nothing is plugged in. Would you want to try another mouse?”

Customer: *getting angry* “The adaptor is INSIDE the COMPUTER.”

Me: *suddenly realizing* “Ma’am… do you mean to tell me… the adaptor is inside the case?”

Customer: *now very angry* “OF COURSE it is INSIDE of the computer. I put it in the slot at the top like a coin machine, so WHY isn’t it WORKING?!”

Me: *looking at the top of the computer where there is a small hole just big enough to fit small objects inside* “Ma’am… that’s… that’s not how this works…”

Customer: *cutting me off* “ARE you KIDDING ME? Do you not know how computers work? I’m going somewhere else where the employees actually KNOW how to operate a computer!”

(She leaves, her computer rattling off into the distance.)

Coworker: “I’m not sure where she’s going but she’s not going to have much luck anywhere else.”

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 20
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 19
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 18