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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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Capricious About The Capris

| MB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Technology

(The phone rings at work one day and I answer it.)

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I was wondering if you could put a pair of pants on hold for me.”

Me: “No problem. What pants did you need?”

Customer: “I have the number.”

(Most often this is the number of the product on our website and short of pulling the site up and looking at the image the number doesn’t help us find the item.)

Me: “Actually, if you can just describe the item I could find it faster.”

Customer: “It’s a pair of white Capri pants.”

(We currently have six different styles of white Capris in store.)

Me: “Okay… Is there anything else you can tell me about them?”

Customer: “No! I told you, I just have a number!! I’m doing a favour for a friend.”

Me: “All right, do you at least know if they are dress capris or denim capris?”

Customer: “NO! I JUST have a number! Are you not listening?”

Me: *sighs* “Sorry, it’s just we have multiple pairs of white capris and the number doesn’t help me find them short of looking at every pair and trying to match your number.”

(At this time our computer system was in use to ring customers through so I could not use it.)

Customer: “Then do that! The number is…” *states eight digit number quickly*

(I went around looking for the pair but I couldn’t find them in our stock. As we were having our summer clearance we were out of a lot of items.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but we don’t seem to have that item available.”

Customer: *in a very condescending tone* “Well, can you find where it does?”

Me: “Sure; however, just to let you know for future, you can find what store has it by finding it online. Just type the number you have into the website and it will tell you what store carry it in the size you are looking for.”

Customer: “Sure, that’s great if I have a computer.”

Me: *thinking she didn’t have access to one now* “No problem, just for next time so you don’t have to call multiple stores.”

Customer: “I SAID, it’s great IF YOU HAVE A COMPUTER!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll look it up for you here. What is the number?”

Customer: “I already told you! It’s—” *repeats number superfast*

Me: “So that was—” *repeats the first five digits* “—and then?”

Customer: *yelling at this point, repeats the whole eight numbers again*

(I look it up on our system checker which is more accurate and faster than the website but it doesn’t show photos and is only updated every night. Unfortunately her item was sold out across the province, the closest store to have was in Saskatchewan.)

Me: “Sorry, but it looks like the closest place that has it is [Location outside the province].”

Customer: “Can you transfer it in?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we cannot do transfers under $75 and this item is only $20.”

Customer: “THEN HOW DO I GET MY FRIEND HER PANTS?!”

Me: *trying really hard to keep calm as she keeps yelling and treating me like I’m stupid* “You can always order them online. If you don’t want to pay for shipping, you can ship them to the store for free. Just typing in your number in the website will bring the item up.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll do that.” *very sarcastically* “Thanks for the help.” *hangs up*

Me: “I thought she didn’t have access to a computer.”

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Deserving Of App-lause

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(Our donut and coffee shop offers an app you can load money on and pay with like a gift card. I take an order at the drive-thru and give the customer her total.)

Me: That will be [total].”

(The customer puts her phone up with the app to pay. I scan it and notice she is about 30 cents short. I turn to tell her, reluctantly, since most people start a tirade of “I know I have enough!” as soon as I do, but she is holding exact change out.)

Me: “Oh! Most people don’t realize they are short.”

Customer: *laughing* “They do know the app shows a current balance of their card when they tap to pay, right?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Most don’t read that far.”

Customer: *shaking her head* “I am sorry you have to deal with idiots.”

Me: “Well, they haven’t had their coffee yet.”

Customer: “I’ve worked several retail jobs and in a couple hospitals. Coffee only energizes their stupidity. Have a good one!”

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Registration Disassociation

| Canada | Bad Behavior, Technology

(I answer a call.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to activate this software I bought. Quickly now, I’ve already been on the line for too long!”

Me: “All right, ma’am, in that case, the system needs the registration number.”

Customer: “Why? Can’t you just see it on your screen and press the button?”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, but I really need that registration number. Otherwise the system won’t let me in to activate the software.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know how to find it!”

Me: “It’s not an issue, ma’am, I can guide you. Please go into the Settings menu. Once there, you go into the section About, and finally you click on Registration Number to display the 12-digit number the system needs.”

Customer: “That’s too difficult!”

Me: “Once again, I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am. I’ll go more slowly. First, please go into the Settings menu. Please let me know when you have and I will move along.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, I know!”

Me: “Then, ma’am, please find the section titled About…”

Customer: “Hmm hmm.”

Me: “…then finally click on Registration Number to display the 12-digit number the system needs. Could you please read me that number?”

Customer: “I don’t have it!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you sure you are following the steps exactly?”

Customer: “I haven’t done any of that! Why should I do all the work?! Just activate the d*** thing already!”

Me: “I’d be happy to, but to do that I need the registration number!”

Customer: “You’re just a lazy idiot! Get me someone on the line who knows what they are doing!”

Me: “Just to confirm, you’d like for a supervisor to handle your file?”

Customer: “Get one on the line, child!”

Me: “Your request to have a supervisor handles your case has been logged as per our process. I will therefore disconnect this call and a supervisor will get back to you within a business week. Good bye, ma’am.”

Customer: “WHAT D—”

Me: *hangs up*

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You’re Getting Warmer

| MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Technology

(In the time leading up to Thanksgiving each fall, our store carries supplies to cook a turkey: the fryer itself, peanut oil, etc. Last season a gentleman came in looking for a ‘cooker’ and I assumed this is what he wanted. I took him over to the shelf and this is how that conversation went:)

Me: “Here we are sir, turkey fryers!”

Customer: “No, no, this isn’t it. I mean, these are nice but the ones you had last year are what I’m looking for.”

Me: “These are the same style we carry every year. How was the other one different?”

Customer: “Well it didn’t use oil at all. Just two sticks.”

Me: “Two sticks?”

Customer: “Yeah, it was just a plate with two vertical sticks.”

Me: “Umm… I have to admit I’m a bit lost on this one. I’ve worked here for five years and the oil-type is the only turkey fryer we’ve had.”

Customer: “No, no. I’d like the style you had last year.”

Me: “Well, if you’d like to leave your information I’d be happy to check into special ordering you something. So it’s a flat plate and…?”

Customer: “Okay. So, it’s a flat plate with a cord sticking out of it, and two round tubes that stick straight up. I’m sorry, but this isn’t a pretty subject…”

Me: “Go ahead…”

Customer: *lowered voice* “Well, you can do two turkeys at once on it. You stick the tube up the turkey’s a**, plug it in, and it cooks it.”

Me: “…”

(After a few more moments of awkward conversation, I came to the conclusion the customer had made Thanksgiving dinner last year with a boot warmer.)

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Not The Brightest Of Requests

| Canada | Technology

(We remote to users’ computers to assist them with issues and resolve them. Sometimes certain issues are from the outside of the computer, so remoting to them is pointless and we just explain them how to troubleshoot.)

Customer: “How do I reduce my monitor’s brightness?”

Me: “Do you see a menu button on your monitor? It can be anywhere on the bottom, top, or sides.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “What is the model of the monitor? It should say the model on the back of the monitor.”

(The customer then tells me the model and then says:)

Customer: “I have pressed a button on the right and it showed the brightness level.”

Me: “Are there other buttons, with arrows next to that button?”

Customer: “Right now it’s at 85, but I don’t see any button or arrows to control it.”

Me: “One minute. I will try to find a manual for your monitor.”

(I find a manual of the monitor and the menu button and the arrow buttons to select are very well shown on the monitor.)

Customer: “You may connect to my PC to see what I mean.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I will not be able to see the buttons on your monitor as they are on the outside. If you look on the bottom right corner of your monitor, do you see the power button with the menu button?”

Customer: “But you can see my screen when you connect to me, can’t you?”

Me: “I can see your desktop, but I don’t have access to the menu buttons on your monitor. If you look on the bottom right corner of your monitor, you will see the menu button with the arrow buttons.”

Customer: “That’s fine if you can’t connect. I thought it might help you to see how it looks when I bring the brightness level on the screen.”

Me: “It won’t. When I connect to your computer, I see your computer using my own monitor. I will not be able to see the menu options of yours and your brightness level will not affect mine… Now, do you see the button on top of the power button?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do you see the arrows?”

Customer: “Oh… thank you so much! I figured it out now. Bye!”

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