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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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Speaking On Different Channels

| Canada | Language & Words, Movies & TV, Technology

(I work tech support for the Internet part of a company that also provides cable TV and cell phones, so sometimes we get calls meant for other departments. When that happens, we just transfer them over. One day I get a call from an older, heavily-accented caller.)

Me: “Thanks for choosing [Company] Internet tech support. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “My weather network, and the news, and, uh… it no work!”

Me: “Your Internet isn’t working?”

Customer: “No! Not Internet. TV! My weather channel isn’t working! And the news channel!”

Me: “Oh, your cable TV isn’t working!”

Customer: “”Right!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Well, you’ve reached Internet tech support, so let me get you right over to cable TV repair, and they’ll be able to look into that for you. Before I get you to them, do you have any Internet questions for me while you have me here?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “My weather channel isn’t working!”

Me: “Okay, well, then, let me get you right over to cable TV repair then. This will just put you back into hold while I get you to them. There may be just a brief wait–”

Customer: “Wait!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “My news channel isn’t working!”

Me: “Well, that’s still on your TV, so let’s get you right over to the right department–”

Customer: “Wait!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “My weather channel isn’t working either!”

Me: “Okay, well-let-me-get-you-right-over-to-the-right-guys-they’ll-be-with-you-in-just-a-sec-bye!” *hits transfer button*

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Misunderstood When Walking Into A Photo Shop

| ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

Customer: “Can you enlarge this photo to 8×10?”

Me: “I can, but I’ll have to crop it.”

Customer: “Oh, no. No cropping.”

Me: “Then it can’t be 8×10. I can make it 6×10 if you want.”

Customer: “Well, if you can make it 6×10, why can’t you make it 8×10?!”

Me: “Because those aren’t the same dimensions.”

Customer: “But 6×10 is smaller! Just make it bigger so it will be 8×10!”

Me: “I can’t. If I make it bigger, it will be longer than 10 inches. If you want it 8×10, the sides need to be cropped.”

(She finally agrees to have one of the sides cropped. After I come back with her photocopy, she is now displeased with something else.)

Customer: “Why isn’t this in colour!?”

Me: “Um, it is in colour.”

Customer: No, it isn’t!”

Me: “Yes, it is. I looks exactly the same as your original.”

Customer: “But my original is all old! The colours have faded!”

Me: “Yes, but it’s still in colour.”

Customer: “But I thought you would make the picture look new!”

Me: “No, I can’t do that. I just have a photocopier.”

Customer: “But you said it would be in colour!”

Me: “It is in colour.”

Customer: “But it’s old looking!”

Me: “Of course it is. It’s an old picture.”

Customer: “Why won’t you change the colours?!”

Me: “Because I just have a photocopier here. That’s something you would have to take to a digital photographer.”

Customer: “Well, how much does that cost!?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

(The customer continued to mutter about how the picture wasn’t in colour as I rang her through.)

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Can’t Quite PIN Down This Email

| WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(The pin pads at our store allow the customer the option of getting an emailed receipt when they use a debit or credit card. Unfortunately, some form of this conversation happens at least once daily:)

Pin Pad: “Would you like an email receipt? [Yes] [No].”

Me: “There’s one more question there for you; it’s asking if you would like an email receipt.”

Customer: “Oh, no. Just the paper one.” *hits yes*

Pin Pad: “Please enter your email.”

Customer: “I don’t want an emailed receipt! Why is it asking for my email?!”

Me: “You hit yes…”