Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Trust Your Fellow Scam

| NJ, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology

Customer: “Hey, I need to return this laptop. It’s broken.”

(He lays down a fairly new model of MacBook, still in its box, that costs in the region of around $1,300. The receipt he hands me seems to match and it’s within our 30 day return window… HOWEVER, I notice when he sets the laptop box down it makes a strange metallic rattling noise.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Can you give me a brief description of what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “I just said, it’s broken.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just need to have a look at it.”

Customer: “Huh?! No, you don’t! Just give me my refund!”

(I move to pick up the box, and while doing so I again hear that strange metallic rattling noise. Keep in mind that most MacBooks these days are made with all the guts welded to the case (hence how they’re able to make them so thin), so there’s very little in them that could rattle.)

Me: “I’m afraid, sir, it’s policy that I type up a damage report before I give you a refund. We need to send this back with some idea of what’s wrong with it so it can hopefully get repaired.”

Customer: “Can I get a manager? I’m in a hurry and just need my refund!”

Me: “I can certainly get you my manager but he’ll say the same thing. If you don’t know what’s wrong with it, I need to have an actual look at the computer before I get you your refund.”

Customer: “Gah, no wonder everyone hates shopping here! Whatever happened to trusting in your fellow man, huh?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have to abide by our return process. Just let me take a look at the computer and I’ll get you your refund.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(He turned and bolted out of the store entrance, right past our very confused security guard. Surprise, surprise, when I took the computer out, it was actually the casing for an old Windows laptop that was the same size as the MacBook that should’ve been in there. What’s more, it had been gutted save for a few discarded screws which explained the rattling. ‘Trust in your fellow man’ indeed.)

You’ll Want To Note This Caller

| NC, USA | Bizarre, Technology

Customer: “I got an angry call from someone saying I left a note with my number on their car after I hit it, but I didn’t do that.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that happened, but this wouldn’t be a technical problem with your service if someone left a note with your number somewhere.”

Customer: “But I didn’t do it.”

Me: “If we’re talking about a physical note that was left, this isn’t a matter of bad caller ID or anything like that. Someone either lied on a note they left or the caller misread the number.”

Customer: “But isn’t that weird?”

Me: “It is weird, but your phone is fine in this instance.”

Not App-y With Your Answer

| USA | Bad Behavior, Technology

(I work for a call center that contracts out to a phone company.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the [Company] support. My name is [My Name]. How can I assist you?”

Customer: “My app isn’t working right.”

Me: “How is it not working right?”

Customer: “It’s not transmitting data to my watch.”

Me: “All right, there’s some troubleshooting steps we can do.”

(I lead the customer through the steps, but it still isn’t connecting properly.)

Me: “At this point, the app is launching properly. Contacting the developer of the app is the next step.”

Customer: “You mean, like, on their web page?”

Me: “Yes. If the app is installed and launching like it should, but still not working, that would be the next step.”

Customer: “I already did that.”

Me: “You contacted them?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s a known problem. I just wanted you to have a different answer.”

That’s A Completely Different Function

, | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words, Technology

(I am working nights at a help desk for hotel guests that need assistance connecting to WiFi. The customer can’t get online because the laptop’s WiFi is off. I calmly try directing their attention to the FN key (function key) + the key with WiFi signal on it (F6).)

Me: “To enable WiFi simple press and hold the FN key Then tap F6.”

Customer: “Don’t get impatient with me, sir.”

Me: “Oh, I’m not; just letting you know how to turn on your WiFi.”

Customer: “Let me talk to your supervisor!”

Me: “Okay… I can help if you would simply press the—”

Customer: “Supervisor!”

Me: “Okay, one moment…”

Supervisor: “This is [Supervisor]. How can I help?

Customer: “Your tech is being rude and telling me to press the FN key over and over. It’s unprofessional!”

Supervisor: “Do you see the space bar?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Supervisor: “Look three keys to the left; what does it read?”

Customer: “Oh, my god, I thought he was telling me to press the ‘effin’ key! I’m so sorry.”

The Texts Aren’t Making Land

| TX, USA | Technology

(We tend to stay pretty busy and usually quote a two to three day turnaround for most computer repairs. A young college-aged girl comes into the store. I remember her from a few days ago when she dropped off her computer with us. I’m a little confused as to why she is here since we haven’t called her yet to tell her that her computer is ready for pick up.)

Customer: *snarky tone* “Why have you guys been ignoring me?”

Me: *confused* “I’m sorry, how have we been ignoring you?”

Customer: “I’ve sent you guys, like, four texts trying to get an update on my computer from you and I haven’t anything back.”

Me: *more confused* “You sent us texts?”

Customer: “Yeah, I sent two yesterday and two this morning and I haven’t heard back from you at all.”

Me: “Where did you send the texts?”

Customer: “To here!”

Me: “You sent text messages to [Store’s phone number]?”

Customer: “Yeah, and you guys have been ignoring me! I need my computer back you know. I use it for class.”

Me: “I apologize for how long it’s taking to get your computer back but we told you when you dropped it off that it would be a few days. Also we can’t receive text messages on [Store’s phone number] since it’s a landline.”

Customer: “What do you mean, you can’t receive text messages?”

Me: “It’s a landline.”

Customer: “I don’t know what a landline is.”

(The store phone is a cordless phone with a black and white LCD screen that shows caller ID. It’s about as technologically advanced as a cordless landline phone can be which is not very much. I pick it up and show it to her.)

Customer: “I thought you guys were supposed to be tech savvy. Why do you have such an old phone?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t know what to tell you about that. Your computer should be ready this afternoon. We’ll call you to let you know when it’s ready.”

Customer: “Can’t you just text me?”

Me: *internal facepalm* “Sure, if that’s easier for you.”

(I ended texting the customer from my personal cell phone to let her know her computer was ready.)

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