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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Your Keyboards Days Are Numbered

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

User: “Hi, I’m having an issue entering in the numbers in this field.”

Me: “Okay, let me proxy into your computer and I’ll see what I can do.”

(I proxy into the computer, click in the field, type with no issues:)

Me: “It looks like this is working okay for me; can I have you try to enter that in again?”

User: *typing* “It’s not working.”

Me: “Hmm, okay, you’re typing in numbers there?”

User: “Yes, but it’s not working.”

Me: “Can I have you press the Num Lock button on your keyboard? It should be on the right side, directly above the 7 key.”

User: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “It’s on the keyboard, on the right side. It’s near the 7 button, on the number keypad, all the way on the right of the keyboard.”

User: “I don’t see a 7.”

Me: “…Okay, so on the keyboard—”

User: “I don’t see anything like that.”

Me: “So, you’re looking at the thing you’re typing on, correct? Not at the screen?”

User: “I just don’t see a 7 anywhere here.”

(I notice that the mouse is moving on the screen, tracking back and forth across the taskbar at the bottom of Windows.)

Me: “I think you’re looking at the screen; I need you to look at the keyboard, the thing you are typing on.”

User: “I was typing in this text box…”

Me: “Oh, no, not on the screen there, but on the keyboard. The hardware under the screen, that you type with.”

User: “But I don’t see anything like that.”

Me: “Okay, so when you place your hands in a position to type—”

User: “Oh, on the KEYBOARD.”

Me: “…Yes, do you see the 7 button on the keyboard?”

User: “…”

Me: “…”

Me: “Directly above the 7 button is the Num Lock button. It’s on the far right side.”

User: “I just don’t see that.”

(10 minutes later, I discovered that the issue was a disconnected keyboard.)

Credited With Stupidity

| USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(I work for a website where you are able to book hotels at lower costs. This customer isn’t happy with their stay, and requests a refund.)

Me: “So, the hotel has approved a $50 refund. We usually process that in the form of a credit to be used on our website. It will be available in a few minutes.”

Customer: “So, I can use that on any purchase within the next few minutes?”

Me: “Of course. Let me just finish with the processing of it. You’ll get an email confirmation.”

Customer: “Can I use it on Amazon?”

Me: “No, sir. This is like an in-store credit, but online. It can be used for anything purchased on our website.”

Customer: “What about on EBay?”

(I wish this was the worst thing said to me today.)

Not-So-Smartphone, Part 14

| IA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am about to reset a customer’s modem and I want to know if it will disconnect our call when I do.)

Me: “Are you using a cell phone right now?”

Customer: “I have a laptop.”

Me: “…Are you using a cell phone to talk to me right now?”

Customer: “I’ve got a laptop.”

Me: *giving up* “What I’m doing will reboot your modem.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I’m on a cellphone.”

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 13

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11

 

Accredited With Being Stupid

| SC, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work security and administrative actions at a government agency on Fort Jackson. Our agency, like most, has initials that are very similar to NCAA.)

Me: *answering phone* “National Center for Credibility Assessment. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Hi. This is probably going to be the stupidest question you answer all day.”

Me: “Okay, go ahead.”

(The caller then begins to go on about how she is in need of taking accredited classes for her physical trainer courses and she needed to know how to go about getting those classes.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am not entirely sure you called the right place. This is a polygraph school.”

Caller: “Right, so how would I go about being accredited? Can you direct me to another department?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the only thing we do with any physical education is within the first two weeks of the polygraph course, when the students get college level anatomy.”

Caller: “Well, your website brags about being NCCA accredited.”

Me: “No, ma’am, I assure you it does not. I think you are tying to—”

Caller: “You are NCCA right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but we don’t offer the courses you would need to physical therapy. I think you mean NCAA.”

Caller: *legitimately confused* “I don’t understand.”

Me: “This is the NCCA, the polygraph school. You may need to revisit the website and try a number within the site.”

Caller: “But I was just on your site. YOU accredit people.”

Me: “Ma’am, will you go back to the site you visited?”

Caller: *heavy sigh* “Okay”

Me: “Now will you read for me the letters at the top of the page?”

Caller: “NCAA… Ooh.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, the initials are very close but you do in fact have the wrong number.”

Caller: “I am sorry I wasted your time; I will search another number.”

Me: “Okay, thank you, have a great day.”

*click*

(The lady calls back again and when I answer she begins to complain that I lied to her to get out of doing my job. I walk her through the NCAA website to find a number for the courses she is interested in. She then begins dialing the number with me still on the phone. When they answer this is all I hear…)

Caller: “ACCREDIT ME, YOU A**-HOLE!”

Taxing Faxing, Part 16

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [Law Firm]; this is [My Name].”

Client: “I need to speak to [My Boss].”

Me: “I’m sorry, she is on the phone. May I help you?”

Client: “No, I really need her.”

Me: “Okay. She may be a minute. Are you sure I can’t help you?”

Client: “No, I need her fax number. I’ll hold for her.”

Me: “Uh, I can give that to you.”

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 15
Taxing Faxing, Part 14
Taxing Faxing, Part 13

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