Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Rated ‘M’ For Mother

| PA, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Top

(I decide to stop at my favorite video game store at the mall the very day that the final entry to an insanely popular video game trilogy is released. It’s reasonably crowded due to this and nearly everyone in the store is purchasing this game.)

Customer #1: *speaking loud enough that half the store can hear her over the chatter* “This is the game he wants?”

Customer #1’s Husband: “Yeah. He has the other two, so I told him we’d get it.”

Customer #1: “What’s this rated?” *she looks at the back* “There’s blood and violence in this! I’m not buying our son a murder simulator! He’s going to think it’s okay to shoot people!”

(That part of the store gets quiet quickly and everyone who heard what had been said turns to look at her, some of them holding a copy of the game of which she was referring.)

Customer #2: “Ma’am, I respect your decision not to buy your son something you feel is inappropriate for him and applaud you for looking into things before you buy them for him, but I’d like to point out that it’s generally not a good idea to vocally imply a room full of strangers are murderers for liking a game.”

Customer #1: “Oh… um… sorry…”

(She couldn’t have gotten out of there quick enough. The rest of the store laughed and things quickly went back to normal. A few minutes later, her husband comes back to buy the game.)

Employee: “Oh, are you the one who was in here with that woman earlier? You’re buying this for your son, right? I trust you’re already aware that this game is rated ‘M.'”

Customer #1’s Husband: “Yeah. You don’t have to give me the spiel about that, though. She forgot that he’s 23…”

MS Word To The Wise

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

User: “Can you show me how to set up vacation email responses in Microsoft? I know there’s some way to set it up, but I can’t seem to do it myself. The guides say to go to ‘file,’ then ‘info,’ then ‘automatic replies,’ but there’s no such thing in my Microsoft!”

Me: “Well, let’s take a look…”

User: “See, I go to ‘file,’ then ‘info,’ but there’s no ‘automatic replies’ in my Microsoft.”

Me: “There you go, sir. All set.”

User: “Wow! There it is! How come ‘automatic replies’ shows up for you but it didn’t show up for me?”

Me: “Because you were trying to set up email replies in Microsoft Word…”

Laptop Flop, Part 8

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “…Okay, now, shut your computer all the way down and then restart.”

Caller: “I can’t.”

Me: “Why not?”

Caller: “I’m not on a laptop.”

(To clarify, when I said ‘shut down’ she thought I meant to close the lid of the laptop.)

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 7
Laptop Flop, Part 6
Laptop Flop, Part 5

Email Fail, Part 3

| ON, Canada | Family & Kids, Technology

(An older man is with a boy about the age of eight. I assume it’s his grandson.)

Me: “Would you like to sign up to have our coupons emailed to you?”

Customer: “No, thanks.”

Me: “Okay.”

Grandson: “He doesn’t even have Internet! Slow down with the emails!”

Related:
Email Fail, Part 2
Email Fail

VHS No Longer Computes

| Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “I’ve got a broken computer and I need it fixed.”

(The customer proceeds to open a bag and out comes a old VHS player.)

Me: “Sir, that is not a computer. That is a VHS tape player.”

Customer: “Well, my PC is broken and I was hoping that you could fix it.”

Me: “Sir, that is not a PC. That’s a VHS tape player and there is no repair shop for VHS players around anymore, as they are deemed outdated.”

Customer: “Well, where can I find one?”

Me: “You can’t. You will have to buy a new one.”

Customer: “So, you can’t repair it?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “I heard great service from my friends when they came here to fix their PC.”

Me: “That is not a PC. That is a VHS player that you are holding in your hands.”

Customer: “So, can you fix it?”