Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Has Zero Ability To Improve The Situation

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m doing a survey, asking business managers to rate how happy they are with various insurance providers they are currently using.)

Me: “How would you rate [Insurance Company]?”

Respondent: “Zero, because the service has been terrible and the claims process was really bad. We have been really unhappy with them.”

Me: “And how often do you go to market for quotes from other insurance companies that are not currently covering you?”

Respondent: “Oh, we never have. We stick with what we know…”

| G|ve Up

| Lincoln, NE, USA | Language & Words, Technology

(I am on a call with customer, I was trying to get her to type the “|” character:)

Customer: “Where is it?”

Me: “It’s above the enter key, with the backslash.”

Customer: “I don’t have that.”

Me: “Yes, you do; it’s above the “enter,” with the backslash.”

Customer: “Oh, you mean the brackets?”

Me: “No, it’s above the enter key, with the backslash. So it’s to the right of the brackets.”

Customer: “Do you mean my ‘L’ key? Because it’s rubbed off, so I can’t see it.”

Me: “No, it’s not the ‘L’ key. It’s above the enter key. With the backslash.”

Customer: *she finds the key* “OH, it’s a capital!”

Me: “Yes, a capital backslash.”

Customer: “It doesn’t work.”

Me: “Did you use the shift? Without that, it’s just a backslash.”

Customer: “Oh, there it is!”

Cash Back Attack

| Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Hello, just letting you know that our EFTPOS is currently unavailable. Will you be able to pay by cash?”

Customer: “Yeah, no problem.”

(Serves groceries:)

Customer: “May I please have cash out?”

Me: “Umm… What? No, our EFTPOS is down.”

Customer: “Oh, but I have my Mastercard.”

Caught In Her World Wide Web

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I’m a supervisor at a retail office supply company that sells web hosting packages to the public. One of the perks of purchasing through our store and not direct from the web host is that the packages come with a setup feature that allows users who don’t know code to click and drag elements onto their page and create a professional looking site.)

Customer: “I want your deluxe web hosting package.”

Coworker: “That’ll be [total], and here’s a print out telling you how you can get started setting up your website at home! If you have any questions, just call the web host’s customer service number and they’ll be happy to help.”

(The client pays for his purchase, then stands at the register and stares at my coworker.)

Coworker: “Was there something else?”

Customer: “Well, obviously. I need to know when you’re going to design my site for me!”

Me: “Sir, those packages are designed so that customers can set everything up from home. That’s what makes them different from a lot of other companies who sell web hosting packages. You don’t need to know any code to set your site up. It’s really very easy and the web host’s customer service agents can help you if you get stuck!”

(The customer becomes angry.)

Customer: “You didn’t tell me I had to do it myself! I paid for a website package! You should set it up FOR me!”

Me: “Sir, what you paid for was the web domain, a custom email, and space on the Internet to display your information about your company. We’re just [Store] employees; we aren’t web designers.”

Customer: “Unacceptable! You can’t just sell website packages to people and expect them to do it themselves!”

(This continues in a similar fashion for several minutes, while my co-worker tries to explain the whole idea of the web host’s package and how it’s user-friendly, even for people without any experience with HTML or CSS. Eventually, I make a decision.)

Me: “Look, we generally aren’t supposed to do this, but we’ll make an exception this time. My associates will help you set up the site, but it costs an additional fee for every half hour they spend working on the site setup.”

(Thankfully we had a miscellaneous $29.99 UPC which we were permitted to use for generic computer repairs at the tech repair desk. This customer ended up paying roughly $1 USD per minute for something he could have easily done himself!)

The Final Word On Passwords, Part 3

| NS, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a major telecommunications company that operates in Atlantic Canada as a customer service rep. A customer calls in and has a password on the account for verification (Instead of using D.O.B.))

Me: *after going through introductions, name and account number* “Thank you and for security purposes, can you confirm the password on the account?”

Customer: “Is it this?”

Me: “That isn’t the correct password on file.”

Customer: “Is it password?”

Me: “Unfortunately that is still incorrect.”

Customer: “I forget it.”

Me: “Well, we can’t go over any information unless you verify the password.”

Customer: “But I have a million passwords.”

Me: “Unfortunately, since I can’t verify you, you must go to a retail store location with photo ID and we can change or remove the password.”


Me: “Well, you chose the password and also chose not to add a hint. Policy states if you can’t verify yourself on your account you must prove you are who you say you are in store with picture ID.”


Coworker: “Umm… did she seriously say she would disconnect because she didn’t know her own password?”

The Final Word On Passwords, Part 2
The Final Word On Passwords

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