Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

If It Scans, It Fits

| NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work at a public library and I am working by myself for a few hours.)

Patron: “I want to use a computer.”

Me: “Okay, just scan your library card at the PC reservation computer behind you and it will assign you to a computer.”

(Twenty minutes later I am super busy helping other patrons. I notice she is standing there looking confused.)

Patron: “I scanned my card. Now what?”

Me: “Okay,  it should have assigned you to a computer. Did you see what number you were assigned?”

(The patron shakes her head, because of course she didn’t.)

Me: “Let me check to see which one you’re on.”

(I looked on the computer and saw no reservation. The patron proceeded to show me that she scanned her card on the photo scanner and uploaded it to the computer used for the photo scanning machine, not the PC reservation computer with the barcode scanner. This woman figured out a freaking photo scanner but couldn’t understand how to use the barcode scanner to reserve a computer.)

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 14

, | Houston, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Popular, Technology

(I work for a large cell phone provider.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cell Phone Provider]. This is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?”

Caller: “Yes. Every time my phone rings and I try to answer it, my phone shuts off. It happens every time.”

Me: “Well, that is pretty odd. Let me see if I can figure out what the issue with your handset is.”

(After spending almost an hour trying to look up account info and diagnose what could possibly be wrong with this woman’s phone with no luck, I am about to give up and replace the phone.)

Me: “So that I can write up in your account what exactly is happening so we can replace your phone, what button are you pushing when trying to answer the phone?”

Caller: “The ‘Push When Ringing’ button.”

Me: “I’m sorry, which button?”

Caller: “’Push When Ringing.’ You know? P-W-R.”

Me: “I think I know the problem…”

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 13
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11

Crazy From Eight Ways To Sunday

| UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work for a broadband and telephone company. I am on the ordering provisioning team who arranges for telephone lines to be installed. I am dealing with a returning customer.)

Me: “Ma’am, are you sure you want to port your phone number into our network? That can take up to 10 working days. If we set you up with a new number you could be connected by tomorrow.”

Customer: “No, I worked very hard for that number. It has no eights you see. It’s why I left your company in the first place.”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “I don’t like the number eight. On my last bill with your company there was a call charged at £8.88… The phantom phone call. I want to keep my number.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am. I’ll order this now and be in touch over the next 24 hours.”

Customer: “Do you have a number I can contact you on?”

Me: “Certainly, it’s 028—”

Customer: *gasps and hangs up*

Can’t Get With The Program(ming)

| Boise, ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I receive a phone call from a user who is trying to get admin privileges on his computer and he needs assistance with getting the update for those privileges.)

Me: “Sir, I need you to open a program for me called Command Prompt. To open it, can I have you click on Start?”

User: “I am the engineering lead for three departments and have a degree in computer programing. Do not patronize me and assume I don’t know how to open Command Prompt. I have it open now.”

Me: “All right, sir, can I have you do a Group Policy update?”

User: “Okay.”

(Wait…)

User: “The command failed.”

Me: “Okay. Just to verify, what did you type in for the command?”

User: “’Update.’”

Me: “Sir, let’s try this instead: ‘gpupdate /force’.”

User: “’gp/force’.”

Me: “No, sir.” *I spell it phonetically*

User: “’gpupdat /for’.”

Me: “Like this, sir.” *spells it again*

User: *angrily* “There. I got it.”

Me: “All right, sir, now we need to restart the computer.”

User: “Why?”

Me: “For the group policy to apply, just like you learned in programming.”

User: “We didn’t use Command Prompt in programming.”

Me: “…”

Stick To Your Ac-Cord

| Dortmund, Germany | Technology

(This happened to my coworker at a call center of a large telephone company.)

Coworker: “Welcome to [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *an old lady* “Hello, my phone is broken. It doesn’t ring anymore when someone calls me.”

Coworker: “Okay. Is it a rented phone or have you bought it?”

Customer: “I don’t know; it’s old.”

Coworker: “Is it a cordless one?”

Customer: “What?”

Coworker: “You know, one without a cord between the telephone and the handset? Or is there a cord?”

Customer: “I’m not sure. Please wait, I’ll have a look.”

Coworker: “Um….”

(Two minutes later:)

Customer: “Hello? Listen, I have no idea what kind of phone I have. My son is coming over tomorrow; he’ll call you again then.”

Coworker: “Good idea.”

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