Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

What A Capital Idea

TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “Can you reset my password for me?”

(We go through the process.)

Me: “Your new password is Password1.”

Customer: “All right. Is the 1 capitalized?”

Me: “…No. But if you figure out how to do that, let me know. I feel like I’ve been missing out.”

Speaking Clear Anglish

| Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Popular, Technology

(The store where I work has just gotten new pin pads to replace the old ones. The newer pads have a slimmer design and therefore do not fit properly in the holders designed for the old pads. The store has yet to replace the holders so in the meantime the cashiers are instructed to warn customers that, if they insert their card too quickly, it may go underneath the reader. Most people get it after only one or two tries. On this particular day an elderly gentleman approaches my cash.)

Me: “Hi there, did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: *grunts*

(I go through the transaction as normal.)

Me: “All right, and how will you be paying today?”

Customer: *ignores me, jams card underneath the reader* “It’s not working.”

Me: “Oh, you just have it underneath the reader there; remove your card and try again. Just be careful because these readers are new—”

(The customer ignores me again and tries to twist his card into the slot. Fearing he may break his card, I politely ask if I may show him how to do it.)

Me: “It’s kind of tricky; you just need to angle your card up a little and it slides right in, see?” *demonstrating the method to him* “Here you go!” *I hand him the pin pad with his card already inserted*

Customer: *yanks card out of reader and shoves it back underneath again* “It’s still not working! WHY WON’T IT WORK?!”

(By this point I’m getting frustrated, but I force myself to remain calm and friendly.)

Me: “It just takes a little patience. Try inserting your card at this angle.” *I demonstrate with a gift card that was lying around*

(For the next several minutes this goes back and forth. I insert his card for him and he removes it, shoving it in the wrong way again. A line is forming behind him and other customers are getting upset. Eventually an older woman, seeming to be his wife, comes up behind him.)

Wife: “[Husband], are you still here? What’s taking so long?!”

Customer: “This stupid machine is broken!” *jams card in reader again*

Wife: *to me* “Is the reader broken?”

(I explain to her the way the reader works and why sometimes it’s difficult to insert the card. The wife then takes the card from her husband, follows my instructions, and the rest of the transaction goes smoothly. While I’m handing her the receipt, she explains to her husband what he was doing wrong.)

Customer: “WELL, SHE SHOULD’VE SAID SOMETHING IN THE FIRST PLACE!”

(They leave. The next customer walks up to the register.)

Customer #2: “Wow, what an idiot.” *jams card underneath the reader* “Wait, what’s wrong with this thing?”

Me: *sighs*

Too Taxing For Them To Understand, Part 3

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work at a big box electronics chain. A woman walks in the store as I’m walking by the front. As I greet her, she asks for Tax Software, a software that assists in doing your own taxes.)

Me: “Absolutely! Right this way!” *leads her to [Tax Software]* “The programs are right here! Do you need Home or Business?”

Customer: *confused* “I need [Tax Software]…”

Me: “Yep! They are right here.” *picks up a couple options and shows them to here*

Customer: “No, no. I just lost my accountant and I need my taxes done.”

Me: “Sure thing! These are [Tax Software]. There is also a [Tax Company Software] option right here as well, if you want that one.”

Customer: “I need help with this!”

Me: “Oh, that won’t be a problem at all! With either of these options, they will give you step-by-step directions on how to file your taxes by just asking you a few questions!”

Customer: “You don’t understand. I need someone to come to my house and help me with this! I have these documents—” *she tries to hand me her taxes from last year*

Me: “Um… well… we can have our agents install the software on your computer for [total], but for your own safety and security, we won’t be able to actually use the software for you.”

Customer: “I was told to come to [Store] to do [Tax Software]! I was told that you would help me!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. We have [Tax Software] right here, but unfortunately [Store] does not offer tax services. If you’re looking for someone to do your taxes for you, may I suggest [Tax Company]? I’m sure if you drive around you’ll see signs for them. They’re pretty much everywhere this time of year.”

Customer: “Can’t you come to my house and do it for me?”

Related:
Too Taxing For Them To Understand, Part 2
Too Taxing For Them To Understand

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 29

| VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

Customer: “Fix it!”

Me: “Fix what, ma’am?”

Customer: “My Internet connection. Can’t you tell why I’m calling?”

Me: “No, ma’am, the technology doesn’t work that way.”

(I apologize for any inconvenience, and then check her connection. Everything is fine. I even test with ping and packet testing; again, very strong signal to the Internet.)

Me: “Ma’am, are you using a router?”

Customer: “I don’t know. You guys installed it all”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t install routers. Do you know the name of the router you’re using?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “We can test the modem to make sure it’s working. Can you take your laptop into the room with the modem and unplug the modem from the rou—”

(Before I could even finish asking her to connect the laptop to the modem directly.)

Customer: “No. I couldn’t possibly do that! You just need to fix it.”

Me: “Ma’am, are you suffering from an illness or injury preventing me from helping you today?”

Customer: “No, and I couldn’t possibly be bothered with that. The modem and the laptop are on different floors. I called you to fix it. Why can’t you just fix it?”

(Eventually the customer was charged for a technician to come out and educate her on the use of her technology.)

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 28
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 27
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 26

No Signal Getting To This Brain

| MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Popular, Technology

(I manage at a small, family owned restaurant that has a dining area and a bar. During happy hour, the bar puts out a small chafing dish filled with complementary wings for our customers. During my shift, the bartender calls me over.)

Bartender: “The woman over there wants to talk to you. She’s asking if we have free wifi.”

(I glance over and notice a woman sitting in the corner of the bar sipping on ice water and eating a plate full of the free wings. I walk over to the woman.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, [Bartender] tells me you had a question regarding whether we offer free wifi?”

Woman: “Yes, I think that you should offer free wifi for your customers.”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am, but we don’t have free wifi for customers. You would have to bring that up with the owners.”

Woman: “That’s ridiculous. You need to give me the wifi password.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t know any wifi passwords. Like I said before, this establishment doesn’t offer free wifi. We’re just a small business.”

Woman: “Well, why should I have to use my own data for two hours?! I won’t come back here if you don’t get wifi. It’s the least you could do for PAYING customers!”

(I’m getting irritated as I’m busy and this conversation is going around in circles.)

Me: “Ma’am, no offense but you’re sipping ice water and eating all the wings, both of which are free so technically you’re not a paying customer. Nor do I see how were responsible for you having to use your data plan when you’re here. We’re not forcing you to sit here for hours and browse the Internet. If it’s really that big of a deal, there’s a McDonald’s right down the road. There’s your free wifi.” *smiles sweetly*

Woman: “UGH!” *grabs her purse and plate of wings and leaves*

Related:

No Signal Getting To His Brain

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