Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Where’s A Real Live Robot When You Need One, Part 2

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Technology

Me: “Good morning, my name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

(Pause.)

Patient: *very slowly and clearly* “Um… request an appointment?”

Me: “Oh… I’m not a computer, ma’am.”

Patient: *shocked* “Oh! Goodness.”

Related:

Where’s A Real Live Robot When You Need One

Not-So-Smartphone, Part 15

| QLD, Australia | Extra Stupid, Popular, Technology

(I’m working at the front desk of a popular computer repair store that also repairs phones. It’s my first week working on front desk as I’m usually out the back fixing the computers. The owner and manager of the store is out here to supervise me. A man walks in wearing business casual and wanders around, looking at the display computers before coming to me.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, yeah. I was wondering if you guys did phones?”

Me: “We sure do. What type of phone is it and what’s wrong with it?”

(He hands me the latest in a particular phone line. it’s pretty obvious what happened as the screen has smashed and one of the corners is dented. I put it down on the desk.)

Me: “All right, we’ll get right onto that. May I have your name?”

Customer: *completely ignoring my question* “How long do you think it will take?”

Me: “Screen replacements usually take about an hour. May I have your name?”

Customer: “Okay, cool.”

(He picks his phone up off the desk and makes towards the door.)

Me: “Uh, sir…?”

(He doesn’t listen and keeps walking out, exiting the building.)

Me: *turning to the manager* “Uh, did he just…?”

Manager: “Yep. He’ll be back.”

(Around an hour later, he returned and demanded to know if his phone had been fixed yet. It, of course, wasn’t and he berated me for being stupid and lazy even though he took the phone with him. My manager, previously having gone back to his office, came out to defend me and banned the customer from the store after he made a scene and broke one of our display computers. My manager bought me lunch after that.)

Related:

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 14

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 13

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12

What A Capital Idea

TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “Can you reset my password for me?”

(We go through the process.)

Me: “Your new password is Password1.”

Customer: “All right. Is the 1 capitalized?”

Me: “…No. But if you figure out how to do that, let me know. I feel like I’ve been missing out.”

Speaking Clear Anglish

| Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Popular, Technology

(The store where I work has just gotten new pin pads to replace the old ones. The newer pads have a slimmer design and therefore do not fit properly in the holders designed for the old pads. The store has yet to replace the holders so in the meantime the cashiers are instructed to warn customers that, if they insert their card too quickly, it may go underneath the reader. Most people get it after only one or two tries. On this particular day an elderly gentleman approaches my cash.)

Me: “Hi there, did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: *grunts*

(I go through the transaction as normal.)

Me: “All right, and how will you be paying today?”

Customer: *ignores me, jams card underneath the reader* “It’s not working.”

Me: “Oh, you just have it underneath the reader there; remove your card and try again. Just be careful because these readers are new—”

(The customer ignores me again and tries to twist his card into the slot. Fearing he may break his card, I politely ask if I may show him how to do it.)

Me: “It’s kind of tricky; you just need to angle your card up a little and it slides right in, see?” *demonstrating the method to him* “Here you go!” *I hand him the pin pad with his card already inserted*

Customer: *yanks card out of reader and shoves it back underneath again* “It’s still not working! WHY WON’T IT WORK?!”

(By this point I’m getting frustrated, but I force myself to remain calm and friendly.)

Me: “It just takes a little patience. Try inserting your card at this angle.” *I demonstrate with a gift card that was lying around*

(For the next several minutes this goes back and forth. I insert his card for him and he removes it, shoving it in the wrong way again. A line is forming behind him and other customers are getting upset. Eventually an older woman, seeming to be his wife, comes up behind him.)

Wife: “[Husband], are you still here? What’s taking so long?!”

Customer: “This stupid machine is broken!” *jams card in reader again*

Wife: *to me* “Is the reader broken?”

(I explain to her the way the reader works and why sometimes it’s difficult to insert the card. The wife then takes the card from her husband, follows my instructions, and the rest of the transaction goes smoothly. While I’m handing her the receipt, she explains to her husband what he was doing wrong.)

Customer: “WELL, SHE SHOULD’VE SAID SOMETHING IN THE FIRST PLACE!”

(They leave. The next customer walks up to the register.)

Customer #2: “Wow, what an idiot.” *jams card underneath the reader* “Wait, what’s wrong with this thing?”

Me: *sighs*

Too Taxing For Them To Understand, Part 3

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work at a big box electronics chain. A woman walks in the store as I’m walking by the front. As I greet her, she asks for Tax Software, a software that assists in doing your own taxes.)

Me: “Absolutely! Right this way!” *leads her to [Tax Software]* “The programs are right here! Do you need Home or Business?”

Customer: *confused* “I need [Tax Software]…”

Me: “Yep! They are right here.” *picks up a couple options and shows them to here*

Customer: “No, no. I just lost my accountant and I need my taxes done.”

Me: “Sure thing! These are [Tax Software]. There is also a [Tax Company Software] option right here as well, if you want that one.”

Customer: “I need help with this!”

Me: “Oh, that won’t be a problem at all! With either of these options, they will give you step-by-step directions on how to file your taxes by just asking you a few questions!”

Customer: “You don’t understand. I need someone to come to my house and help me with this! I have these documents—” *she tries to hand me her taxes from last year*

Me: “Um… well… we can have our agents install the software on your computer for [total], but for your own safety and security, we won’t be able to actually use the software for you.”

Customer: “I was told to come to [Store] to do [Tax Software]! I was told that you would help me!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. We have [Tax Software] right here, but unfortunately [Store] does not offer tax services. If you’re looking for someone to do your taxes for you, may I suggest [Tax Company]? I’m sure if you drive around you’ll see signs for them. They’re pretty much everywhere this time of year.”

Customer: “Can’t you come to my house and do it for me?”

Related:
Too Taxing For Them To Understand, Part 2
Too Taxing For Them To Understand

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