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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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Dial ‘S’ For Stupid

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a well-known cable company that offers home phone, Internet, and cable TV. After normal greeting and verifying customer info:)

Customer: “Please help me; I don’t have a dial tone and I need to make a phone call.”

(I look at the phone info and see that it is currently being used. I look at the caller ID and realize it matches the customer’s telephone number.)

Me: “Sir, are you calling from your phone right now?”

Customer: “Well, yes, how else would I be talking to you?”

Me: “Sir, if you do not have a dial tone how did you call me from the phone?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t remember!” *hangs up*

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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 27

| Denmark | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work from home as a technical worker for a big firm. Employees can call me for ‘serious issues,’  but more often than not it’s trivial crap.)

Employee: “Hello. I’m having issues with my WiFi not connecting as it should.”

Me: “Okay, that could be several reasons that cause this. Maybe you could do a quick automatic check?”

(I walk her through how to troubleshoot on Windows.)

Employee: “Okay, that’s fixed it for now, but maybe you guys should actually use ‘wind-proof’ routers.”

(I stutter for a moment, not believing someone could be so stupid.)

Me: “What do you mean exactly? WiFi signals that aren’t affected by particles in the air?” *I chuckle slightly*

Employee: “Yes, they aren’t so hard to get. I think my WiFi keeps blowing out the windows and away from my PC.”

Me: “Uh huh… I’ll look into that. Goodbye.”

(I put the phone down, and put my head in my hands for a full 10 seconds before going back to the task at hand.)

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 26
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 25
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 24

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Has No Liquidation Contemplation

| Australia | Crazy Requests, Technology

(A huge nationwide electronics chain is closing down, signs are everywhere and it’s been all over the news; you couldn’t miss the fact we are closing.)

Customer: “I bought this DVD player here two weeks ago and just found out it doesn’t play movies on USB. Can I get a refund?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t accept any stock back unless faulty since we entered liquidation this week.”

Customer: “Can I get an exchange, then?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. No refunds or exchanges can be done anymore.” *points to one of the six A4 signs on the counter: ‘All sales final. No refunds unless faulty.’*

Customer: *while storming off* “This is ridiculous; I’m never shopping here again!”

Me: *to my coworker* “Like that will make a difference…”

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Unable To Continue This Disc-ussion

| Orem, UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “I’m booting from your CD but it’s not working.”

(I find out they’re running an older version and ask them to email us a picture of the CD or box so we can supply the most recent download links.)

Customer: “I can’t take a picture. I don’t have that. I bought it five or six weeks ago.”

Me: “You don’t have the CD?”

Customer: “No. I only have a quick start guide that came in the box.”

Me: “If you don’t have the CD, how are you booting from the CD?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, that’s what’s in my computer. I guess that’s the CD.”

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Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 13

, | Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m a manager for a national clothing retailer outside of Boston and our store is running a promotion where customers can get coupons via text message.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, how do I get a coupon?”

Me: “You send a text message to this number **** and we will send you the coupon back.”

Customer: “So, do I need a cell phone in order to receive text message coupons from you?”

(Skipping a beat to see if she is serious.)

Me: “Yes. Yes, you do need a cell phone to receive text messages.”

Customer: *looking confused* “Oh.” *she walks away*

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10

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