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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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Do Not Face My Wreath

| MA, USA | Holidays, Technology

(I work as a florist. I pick up the phone.)

Customer: “Hi, do you do Christmas wreath repair?”

(The connection is a bit fuzzy and it’s January 22nd, so I’m not sure I heard him right. I ask him to repeat himself, and he does.)

Me: “I’m sorry, do you mean like fake wreaths that need gluing because they’re broken?”

Customer: “No, like… fixing lights on a wreath.”

Me: “Well, we’re a flower shop, so unless you need me to glue together something for you, I can’t do much for you. You could just buy new lights and re-string the wreath.”

Customer: “Re-string? How would I do that? I thought you just had to replace the lights that don’t work.”

Me: *pause* “Right. Either way you want to do it, you’d need to buy lights. Which I don’t sell… because I’m a florist and it’s also January 22nd, so… you could try [Hardware Chain] or online?”

Customer: “But I thought I’d just have to replace the lights.”

Me: “Yes… well… good luck.”

(I hung up quickly.)

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Not Paying Top Dollar

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I sell mobile phones at a large electronics store. It’s six days before Christmas. There are sales on certain smartphones for $1 if the person has an existing contract. We have eight pagers out. A woman approaches the help desk.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me; I need to upgrade my phone. I want the $1 iPhone.”

Me: “We have eight customers ahead of you. The wait will be at least an hour.”

Customer #1: “This is ridiculous. I’m on my lunch. I need a phone NOW.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but these customers in line have been waiting over an hour. All our associates are busy helping customers.”

Customer #1: “Why aren’t there more people working? This is so stupid. I need the $1 iPhone!”

Customer #2: *waiting in line* “It’s only a few days before Christmas, lady. Did your really think you could waltz into this store and get a phone for $1 and not wait a long time? Geez, lady!”

(With her face very red, the customer took the pager and waited in line. I guess she wasn’t on her lunch after all, because she waited in line for 70 minutes. When it was finally her turn, we couldn’t upgrade her phone because her bill was past due!)

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Capricious About The Capris

| MB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Technology

(The phone rings at work one day and I answer it.)

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I was wondering if you could put a pair of pants on hold for me.”

Me: “No problem. What pants did you need?”

Customer: “I have the number.”

(Most often this is the number of the product on our website and short of pulling the site up and looking at the image the number doesn’t help us find the item.)

Me: “Actually, if you can just describe the item I could find it faster.”

Customer: “It’s a pair of white Capri pants.”

(We currently have six different styles of white Capris in store.)

Me: “Okay… Is there anything else you can tell me about them?”

Customer: “No! I told you, I just have a number!! I’m doing a favour for a friend.”

Me: “All right, do you at least know if they are dress capris or denim capris?”

Customer: “NO! I JUST have a number! Are you not listening?”

Me: *sighs* “Sorry, it’s just we have multiple pairs of white capris and the number doesn’t help me find them short of looking at every pair and trying to match your number.”

(At this time our computer system was in use to ring customers through so I could not use it.)

Customer: “Then do that! The number is…” *states eight digit number quickly*

(I went around looking for the pair but I couldn’t find them in our stock. As we were having our summer clearance we were out of a lot of items.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but we don’t seem to have that item available.”

Customer: *in a very condescending tone* “Well, can you find where it does?”

Me: “Sure; however, just to let you know for future, you can find what store has it by finding it online. Just type the number you have into the website and it will tell you what store carry it in the size you are looking for.”

Customer: “Sure, that’s great if I have a computer.”

Me: *thinking she didn’t have access to one now* “No problem, just for next time so you don’t have to call multiple stores.”

Customer: “I SAID, it’s great IF YOU HAVE A COMPUTER!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll look it up for you here. What is the number?”

Customer: “I already told you! It’s—” *repeats number superfast*

Me: “So that was—” *repeats the first five digits* “—and then?”

Customer: *yelling at this point, repeats the whole eight numbers again*

(I look it up on our system checker which is more accurate and faster than the website but it doesn’t show photos and is only updated every night. Unfortunately her item was sold out across the province, the closest store to have was in Saskatchewan.)

Me: “Sorry, but it looks like the closest place that has it is [Location outside the province].”

Customer: “Can you transfer it in?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we cannot do transfers under $75 and this item is only $20.”

Customer: “THEN HOW DO I GET MY FRIEND HER PANTS?!”

Me: *trying really hard to keep calm as she keeps yelling and treating me like I’m stupid* “You can always order them online. If you don’t want to pay for shipping, you can ship them to the store for free. Just typing in your number in the website will bring the item up.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll do that.” *very sarcastically* “Thanks for the help.” *hangs up*

Me: “I thought she didn’t have access to a computer.”

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Deserving Of App-lause

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(Our donut and coffee shop offers an app you can load money on and pay with like a gift card. I take an order at the drive-thru and give the customer her total.)

Me: That will be [total].”

(The customer puts her phone up with the app to pay. I scan it and notice she is about 30 cents short. I turn to tell her, reluctantly, since most people start a tirade of “I know I have enough!” as soon as I do, but she is holding exact change out.)

Me: “Oh! Most people don’t realize they are short.”

Customer: *laughing* “They do know the app shows a current balance of their card when they tap to pay, right?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Most don’t read that far.”

Customer: *shaking her head* “I am sorry you have to deal with idiots.”

Me: “Well, they haven’t had their coffee yet.”

Customer: “I’ve worked several retail jobs and in a couple hospitals. Coffee only energizes their stupidity. Have a good one!”

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Registration Disassociation

| Canada | Bad Behavior, Technology

(I answer a call.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to activate this software I bought. Quickly now, I’ve already been on the line for too long!”

Me: “All right, ma’am, in that case, the system needs the registration number.”

Customer: “Why? Can’t you just see it on your screen and press the button?”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, but I really need that registration number. Otherwise the system won’t let me in to activate the software.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know how to find it!”

Me: “It’s not an issue, ma’am, I can guide you. Please go into the Settings menu. Once there, you go into the section About, and finally you click on Registration Number to display the 12-digit number the system needs.”

Customer: “That’s too difficult!”

Me: “Once again, I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am. I’ll go more slowly. First, please go into the Settings menu. Please let me know when you have and I will move along.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, I know!”

Me: “Then, ma’am, please find the section titled About…”

Customer: “Hmm hmm.”

Me: “…then finally click on Registration Number to display the 12-digit number the system needs. Could you please read me that number?”

Customer: “I don’t have it!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you sure you are following the steps exactly?”

Customer: “I haven’t done any of that! Why should I do all the work?! Just activate the d*** thing already!”

Me: “I’d be happy to, but to do that I need the registration number!”

Customer: “You’re just a lazy idiot! Get me someone on the line who knows what they are doing!”

Me: “Just to confirm, you’d like for a supervisor to handle your file?”

Customer: “Get one on the line, child!”

Me: “Your request to have a supervisor handles your case has been logged as per our process. I will therefore disconnect this call and a supervisor will get back to you within a business week. Good bye, ma’am.”

Customer: “WHAT D—”

Me: *hangs up*

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