Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

We’ll Send The Internet Through The Mail

| Thunder Bay, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I get a live transfer from an Internet repair level-one agent who sends us tickets to test and troubleshoot some technical stuff with the customer. The level-one agent advises me that the customer has a defective Internet modem. Keep in mind, it’s three pm and the techs only work till five pm in her town.)

Me: “Hi, I’m told you have a defective modem?”

Customer: *impatience already in her voice* “Yeah, I need a new one today!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, our policy is to send you one in the mail. Can I verify your mailing address?”

Customer: “What? No! I need you to send a technician to my house today to change my modem for me. I had this problem at my office and they came to fix it the same day! I need it TODAY!”

Me: “How long has your Internet been down? I can have a modem to you in two days.”

Customer: “You listen here! I’ve had no service for five days and because nobody has come to fix it yet, I have to call and waste my time talking to you. Now, I want my Internet working TODAY! Never mind; transfer me to someone else that can help me.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. My manager can also arrange a modem to be mailed out.”

(I hit transfer before she continued to yell at me and told the story to my boss before transferring… Guess what? He mailed her a modem!)

The Color Of Stupid, Part 3

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I normally work as a shelver or circulation aide, but as some people have called in, I’m on loan to the computer lab.)

Patron: “Hi, can we make copies here?”

Me: “Yes, of course. The copier is right over there. just scan your library card and put in your pin, then pay the vending machine. If you have any problems, go ahead and call me over.”

Patron: “You can make color copies, too, right?”

Me: “Yes. Black and white are 10 cents, color are 50 cents. Just choose the ‘color’ option on the menu.”

Patron: “Ok, thanks!”

(A few minutes later, I hear muttered curses and hisses coming from that direction. Turning, I notice the patron looking frustrated and staring from one page to another, but as she hasn’t called for help, I’m not allowed to leave the desk. Another few minutes later, the patron comes back.)

Patron: “Excuse me, but the color printing is not working.”

Me: “Oh? I’m sorry. Maybe it ran out of ink? Let me go check on that.” *as I walk over to the copier* “Did it charge you the 50 cents per page? I can get you a refund for that.”

Patron: “Yes, it did. This is what came out.” *she hands me a heavy packet of black and white copies. At 50 cents each, I am alarmed. That’s going to be a big refund, and I would probably get in trouble because the copier ran out of ink and I didn’t notice*

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. You know what, let me just check out the ink cartridge and change it out, and then we’ll get you set up with your color copies. You won’t have to pay twice.”

Patron: *huffs* “Thank you.”

(As I open the copier, however, I notice that not only are the color cartridges not empty, they’re almost full. Now really worried, I grab a ‘Library Hours’ advert from the stand nearby and set it to color copy using the employee account. The copy comes out in full color, no problem. Now I’m more confused than worried, but I still continue.)

Me: “Ma’am, could you please lend me the paper you were trying to make copies of? I’ll go ahead and do them for you.”

Patron: “Okay, here.” *hands me a black and white paper folded in half*

Me: Uh, ma’am, I think you gave me a copy accidentally. Could I have the original, please? So I can make the color copies?

Patron: “That is the original.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Patron: “I want to color copy that. It’s supposed to have the heading in dark green, the body in red, the times in navy blue, and the background a nice yellow. That’s why I asked if you could do color copies here.”

Me: “Um, ma’am, you set that on a computer before you print it out.”

Patron: “I know! I did! I set it up at home, but since I don’t have a color printer, I printed it out and brought it here to color copy it. My friend told me the library did color copies! I need those for a meeting in an hour!”

Me: “Um, once you print it out black-and-white you can’t just color copy it. Any copy you make will be in the same black and white. You need to print in color to copy in color.”

Patron: “Oh, really? I didn’t know that…”

Me: “…”

The Color Of Stupid, Part 2
The Color Of Stupid

Can’t Cope In The Digit-al World

| UK | Language & Words, Technology

(I am working on the switchboard. I’ve just taken a call from a lady who has asked me for the number of another organisation, not related to our college. I explain that we do not have anything to do with the other organisation but offer to look up their number for her online. I find the number and start to read it out.)

Me: “Okay, the number is 0300…”

Caller: “Slowly please!”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam.” *pause* “So the number is 03…”

Caller: “0… yes?”

Me: “3.”

Caller: “3… yes?”

Me: “00.”

Caller: “Yes, I have the 0, what is next?!”

Me: “I’ll start again madam. The number is 03…”

Caller: “Yes, I have that! What is the next number?!?”

Me: “The next number is 0.”

Caller: “So 030?”

Me: “That’s correct. Then it is another 0…”

Caller: “I already have the 0!”

Me: “Yes, madam, but there is another 0.”

Caller: “So 0300?”

Me: “That’s right. Then there is another 3…”

Caller: “I already have the 3!”

Me: “Madam, would it help if I start the number again?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “Okay… so the number is 0…”

Caller: “I ALREADY HAVE THE 0! You are speaking too fast for me!”

Me: “Madam, I am reading the number one digit at a time. I cannot possibly speak any slower.”

Hammering The Point Home

| Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Welcome to [Phone Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “You guys broke my new tablet I got from you! I demand a replacement!”

Me: “I’m very sorry about that; how is it broken?”

Customer: “I tried to insert the sim card I got with it but it wouldn’t fit!”

Me: “We can absolutely send you a new sim card for free if you have gotten the wrong size, but how—”

Customer: “It’s your fault! You tricked me with the sim card! It wouldn’t fit no matter how much I pressed so I took a hammer to get it in and now it’s stuck in the tablet and it’s not working at all!”

Me: “You… used a hammer to insert the sim card?”

Customer: “Yes, it wouldn’t fit! How else would I have gotten it inside the tablet?”

Me: “Sir, you could have called us and we would have sent a new card in the correct size or we could have reimbursed you if you wanted to buy a card in a store.”

Customer: “How could I have known there are different sizes? I want you to send me a new tablet!”

Me: “You just admitted you smashed it with a hammer yourself. The warranty does not cover self-inflicted damage.”

Customer: “I’m not the one responsible for it breaking! You sent the card! If you don’t give me a new tablet now I’m going to call the police!” *hangs up*

(The best part? A few days later, I have this call:)

Customer #2: “Hey, I think I got the wrong type of sim card to my tablet. Could you send me a smaller one?”

Me: “Sure, no problem!”

Customer #2: “Oh, good; I didn’t want to hammer it in or something.”

Me: *aghast remembering the other customer* “Please don’t do that! We’ll send the new card with express for free!”

Customer #2: “You do realize I’m joking, right?”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but earlier this week I had a customer who actually did that.”

Customer #2: “Seriously?!”

(Customer #2 couldn’t stop laughing about it while I was confirming his address.)

Laptop Flop, Part 12

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(A customer about 15 years old walks up to the counter of our service department, holding a laptop bag. She places the bag on the counter and where the zipper section is on the bag has pieces sticking out of it. It looks like a strange box of french fries.)

Customer: “I need to get this laptop fixed. I have a service plan.”

(She hands me a receipt that has an extended service plan.)

Me: “What happened to this laptop?”

Customer: “I was staying in a hotel and opened the window because it was hot and decided to use the laptop in the open window. It fell out of the open window.”

Me: “How far did it fall?”

Customer: “I was on the eighth floor… so, however far that is.”

Me: “The plan only covers falls from about eight feet or lower. Basically any place you would use a computer under normal operation. It’s all covered in the terms and conditions you were given.”

Customer: “I don’t read those things… So, what are you going to do to fix the computer?”

Me: “Not much I can do. If we attempted to fix this… which I’m not sure we can do, it would be probably be more than this is worth to do it. It’s in hundreds of pieces.”

Customer: “The plan says it covers accidental damage.”

Me: “You were using it in an open window, on the eighth floor of a hotel. It falling is not an accident.”

Customer: “What do you call it?”

Me: “Negligence.”

Laptop Flop, Part 11
Laptop Flop, Part 10
Laptop Flop, Part 9

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