Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

H2-Slow, Part 12

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer and her daughter walk in to the store. The daughter has a water damaged phone due to her sweating so much through her pants, where her phone was in her pocket.)

Me: “I’m afraid you will have to take it to a corporate location to get it repaired or replaced.

Mother: *coming to the sudden realization that liquid might not be the best thing for a phone* “So water is bad for phones, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mother: “So if I use my phone to play my music in the shower, will that hurt it?”

Me: “Yes, it’s water.

Mother: “What if I put my phone in a bag?” *pause* “Oh, well, that won’t work. I have to plug my headphones in…”

Related:
H2Slow, Part 11
H2Slow, Part 10
H2Slow, Part 9

2001: A Computer Space Odyssey

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Time

(At this time, I work in the service department of a retail electronics store, mainly fixing people’s computers. One customer will bring up cheap playing card computer games to us and ask if it will work on her computer. She never has any details on the specs of her computer other than it’s at least eight years old. We tell her the games will probably not work but we would need to see her computer to be sure. She never brings the computer in, though, and then the pattern repeats. One day in 2014 she actually calls the store instead of coming in.)

Caller: “Hey I was wondering if you can tell me if a game would work on my computer.”

Me: “Maybe. What kind of game are talking about?”

Caller: “Well, a friend of mine had it. It’s, like, this robot guy and you shoot things.”

Me: “Do you know the name of the game?”

Caller: “No. So, will it work?”

Me: “Not sure, ma’am. Without the name of the game I can’t tell you what the recommended or minimum specs are.”

Caller: “Okay, forget that game. What about [Basic Card Game]?”

Me: *looking up the specs* “It doesn’t require a lot of computing power. What kind of computer do you have?”

Caller: “It’s gray.”

(Yes, she said it was gray.)

Me: “I mean the brand, model, operating system, RAM, hard drive, processor? That would be the information I need.”

Caller: “Well, the box is gray. It was built for me. You guys should know. You just worked on it.”

(I ask for her name and phone number and start looking for a work order for her but come up with nothing.)

Me: “I’m not seeing anything under your information. Could it have been brought in under another person’s information?”

Caller: “No. I mean, you just had it. I just want to know if this game will work.”

Me: “If you want to bring it in we would be glad to tell you if the [Basic Card Game] would work.”

Caller: “I don’t want to bring it in. Just have someone who worked on it tell me if it will work.”

Me: “Ma’am, when did you have us work on it? Like, what month?”

Caller: “2001. Can you put on someone who worked on it?”

Me: “Ma’am, no one in this department now was here in 2001.”

Caller: “Really? So you have a lot of turnover?”

Me: “All businesses have a fair amount of turnover in 13 years.”

Caller: “Really? Huh. Well, can you tell me if the game will work?”

Me: “We will need you to bring your computer in.”

Caller: “I don’t want to do that. It’s heavy. Okay, then. I guess you can’t help. Okay, bye.”

Dumbledore’R’Us

| Wilton, CT, USA | Bizarre, Technology

(I have worked in this particular craft store for years, and know all of our product by heart. An older man speaking broken English flags me down.)

Customer: “I’m looking for a little remote that you point at lights and it fixes the lights.”

Me: “Could you describe it a little more, please?”

Customer: “It was all over the TV last night. All over the TV. You didn’t see it?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m afraid not. We have lots of different lights though, string of lights and replacement bulbs—”

Customer: “No, no, it’s not a light; it fixes the lights. You point it at the broken light and it fixes it.”

Me: “I don’t believe we carry anything like that. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “No, all stores carry it. The TV store said every store carries it.”

Me: “Let me ask my coworkers if anyone has heard of it.”

(We use walkies-talkies to talk to each other, and have headsets to the customer can’t hear the responses.)

Me: “Has anyone heard of a device that you point at broken lights and it fixes them?”

Coworker: *through walkie* “You mean a magic wand?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m afraid nobody has heard of it. I’m sorry, I would try [Big Store #1] or [Big Store #2]. Maybe they carry it.”

Their Computer Experience Is Green

| UK | Technology

(I’m working on the IT helpdesk of the store I work in when I get a customer call in.)

Customer: “I bought a laptop there yesterday and now it’s broken. What do I do to fix it?”

Me: “Could you please describe how it’s broken?”

Customer: “It’s green.”

Me: “Green?”

Customer: “Green.”

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “It’s green!”

Me: “So the casing is green?”

Customer: “I don’t know what that is. Why aren’t you helping me?”

Me: “I’m trying to, madam. Could you please describe what exactly is green?”

Customer: “It… it’s just green.”

Me: “Okay. Are you able to turn the laptop over and tell me what the information on the back is?”

(She reads me the information and I check the model. It isn’t available in green so I’m at a loss as to what she is describing, until I notice the laptop I have been working on through the day.)

Me: “Is it green on the front, like a small light?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Was it a different colour before?”

Customer: “Orange! I like orange. Can it be orange again?”

Me: “And is it connected to a live plug?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Madam?”

Customer: “A… what?”

Me: *while praying she knows what this means* “Is it… charging?”

Customer: “Like my iPhone? Yes, it is!”

Me: “Well, it’s doing what your iPhone does when you charge it up. The green light is when it’s fully charged.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Do you understand?”

Customer: “I think so. So when can you fix it?”

Me: “There’s nothing wrong with it. That is what the laptop is designed to do.”

Customer: “But I want the orange!”

Me: “If you take it off charge and use it for a while, then charge it up again, it will be orange again for a short time.”

Customer: “It will?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh, my God! It’ll be like a Christmas present only all year round! Thank you so much!” *hangs up*

Not Getting A RAW Deal

| MA, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology

(I just recently finished my Master’s from a prestigious college. I still work for this retailer since student loans payments are high and they actually pay me good money at this store, working in the photo center, since I have been there for many years and the job market in my field is lacking at the moment.)

Customer: “Why are my pictures all blurry?”

Me: “The resolution of the photo was not high enough to be printed clearly.”

Customer: “These are professional photos taken by a PROFESSIONAL. They are of the highest quality possible.”

Me: “How did this professional send them to you.”

Customer: “By email.”

(This happens a lot and few know that with certain emailing services, they will compress the photo being sent in order for it to email properly. Basically, emailing even a “professional photo” will ruin the quality. I explain this to the customer.)

Customer: “Yes but this is by a professional. He knows what he’s doing and what he’s talking about, unlike you.”

Me: “Ma’am, I have a Bachelor’s degree in Photography and a Masters from one of the best universities in the country in Digital Curation and Preservation. With all due respect, I KNOW what I am talking about.”

Customer: “If you had those degrees you wouldn’t be working here. I don’t believe you. You guys are just doing a crappy job printing my professional wedding photos.”

Me: “The reason why I am working here is none of your concern. I am trying to explain to you why your photos are not coming out clear. We have a PROFESSIONAL printer. It is not our fault they came out this way. If you would just contact your photographer and have them put it on a flash drive or CD, the quality will be much better and we can print them.”

Customer: “Clearly you have no idea what you are talking about when it comes to professional photography. I am going to the drugstore down the street to print these.”

(Let’s see if she finds someone who knows what they are talking about there!)

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