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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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General Positioning Stress

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

(The phone rings:)

Caller: “Hello, where is your store located?”

(I let them know the address and area landmarks.)

Caller: “Okay. Is that the nearest one to me?”

Me: “Um, well, I don’t know where you are currently located, so I’m not sure. We have several area locations.”

Caller: “Will you GPS some directions for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have the capabilities to do that, nor do I have your location. If you can tell me where you are right now, I can maybe give you some verbal directions.”

Caller: “I’m not telling you where I live! Just GPS it.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t believe I can help you. If you are located in [Town], we are your closest location.”

Caller: “JUST GPS IT! YOU ARE GIVING TERRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE! WHY WON’T YOU HELP ME?!

Me: “Yeah, I’m really sorry, but I don’t think you understand how GPS works. I’m sorry. Have a good day!” *click*

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The Perfect Picture Of A Bad Customer

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in the electronics department of an extremely large global retail chain, which could frankly fill its own section of this website. Every couple of weeks we get a customer who understands very little about her devices, but treats our associates with incredible disrespect and rudeness and storms off before we have a chance to explain what she needs. I happen to draw the short straw this time.)

Customer: “I need to know how to download pictures from my phone to my computer so I can print them.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of camera do you have?”

Customer: *pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes as though praying for patience* “The KIND. That takes PICTURES.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but there are several different options available depending on the type of camera. Let’s try this another way: Does your camera have a slot called ‘SD Card’?”

Customer: *sighing, rolling her eyes* “Now how the h*** am I supposed to know that?!”

Me: “Sometimes it’s next to the battery compartment. Would you mind opening it up so I can check?”

Customer: “YES, I MIND! IF I OPEN IT I’M GOING TO LOSE ALL MY PICTURES!”

Me: “Ma’am, rest assured that your pictures aren’t stored in the batteries.”

(At this point, the customer threatens to have my job if her pictures are deleted, calls me a pissant, and goes on a rant about retail workers while trying to open the compartment. Finally she manages it.)

Me: “Okay, your camera already has a Micro SD card in it. You’ll need to physically remove it to transfer your photos, since I see the USB slot is broken. We have some kiosks available that will allow you to print them off right now if you’d like.”

Customer: “No, because you guys keep copies of my photos and I don’t want that.”

Me: *losing patience a bit* “Ma’am, we have never kept a copy of anyone’s photo. We won’t return photos that are pornographic or copyrighted, but those go into the shredder, not our pockets. Now, your computer will need an SD card reader in order to—”

Customer: *doing the nose pinch thing again* “Yes, I already know that. Have a good day.” *storms off*

Me: “See you in a couple of weeks…”

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Multiple Email Fails

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology

(Excerpts from two near back-to-back instances where I’m signing up a customer for our rewards card, which requires an email address and then their first and last names.)

Me: “Can I get an email address for your card?”

Customer #1: *tells me an email address that includes a first and last name*

Me: “Thanks. First name?”

Customer #1: “What are you, an idiot or something? It’s right there in my email address!”

(Cut to about ten minutes later.)

Me: “Can I get an email address for your card?”

Customer #2: *tells me an email address that features a first and last name*

Me: “Thank you. Is your first name [First Name from email address]?”

Customer #2: *scoffs* “No, what do you think I am, an idiot or something?! Nobody uses their real name in an email address, you moron.”

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Sorry Not Sorry

| ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Technology

Customer: “Can I use your phone?”

Me: “Sorry, it’s company policy. We’re not allowed to let customers use the phone.”

Customer: “Come on… I got a fifty cent tip in it for you!”

Me: “I’m not allowed to do that; I’m really sorry, sir.”

Customer: “NO, YOU’RE NOT!”

(The customer leaves.)

Me: “Huh, he’s right. I’m suddenly not sorry anymore.”

(The guy then sat in the cold for about an hour, giving us a death stare, waiting for a cab. Sometimes we let customers use our cellphones because of the phone policy… not this guy!)

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The Picture Of Laziness

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I’ve been speaking to a customer who lives nearby and has told me he’s going to be home all day. He’s ordering a product he’s never seen.)

Me: “I really suggest coming to take a look at [Product] so you can compare it to what you already have. At the very least you can look at the pictures on our website.”

Customer: *who is at home* “I’m really just too busy to look at your website today. Can’t you just text me pictures of it?”

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