icon_technology

Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

icon_wildunruly

Insert Common Sense Here

| ON, Canada | Popular, Technology, Wild & Unruly

(Customers have busy lives, but sometimes their attention span is ridiculous, even for a preoccupied mind.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, you can insert your card.”

Customer: *taps, and then swipes*

Me: “Sorry, you have to insert your card.”

Customer: *taps furiously and keeps swiping*

Me: “Ma’am, you need to insert the chip in our card reader. You can’t swipe.”

Customer: *continues to swipe furiously*

Me: *sensing there is no getting through to her* “Okay, here. I can do it for you. *reaches for her card, but has hand slapped away*

Customer: “Don’t touch my card, you brat!”

(At this point, I had enough.)

Me: “And you, ma’am, don’t have the right to touch me. I’m done serving you. My register is closed. Please go to register six.”

Customer: “LET ME SPEAK WITH YOUR MANAGER! I HAVE NEVER FELT SO DISRESPECTED IN MY LIFE!”

Me: “Sure thing.” *I call the extension* “Hi, [Head Cashier], a customer wants to speak with you.” *I hand the phone to the customer*

Customer: “Yes, this little s*** cashier should be fired. He started yelling at me and tried to grab my card… Yes. Yes, he is… Yes. Yes, that was me… I will not apologize to that little s***… Fine, you too, f*****!” *hangs up*

Customer: *throws her items at me, including a very sharp drywall knife that hits me in the arm and breaks my skin* “I hope you burn in h***!”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. But before that, I’m calling the police on you for assault.”

Customer: “Not if I can help it, f*****!”

(The customer proceeds to run for the door, but is stopped by our 6’7″ loss prevention associate. He holds her until the police arrive, and I press charges. Last update I heard was that she was spending 10 months behind bars. And all because she didn’t pay attention to me when I instructed her to insert her card.)

icon_technology

Email Fail, Part 7

| TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am trying to help a customer return a clothing item while using the pre-paid return label.)

Customer: “Can you send the return label to my desktop and not my laptop?”

Me: “Okay, what’s the email you would like me to use to send the label?”

Customer: “The one for my desktop.”

Me: “Well, our records don’t indicate which one that is. Can you tell me the address?”

Customer: “It’s [email address]. Make sure you put in the information line desktop so the desktop knows the email is for it.”

Me: “Okay, I just sent it.”

Customer: “You sent it to my laptop.”

Me: “Can you not access that email for both computers?”

Customer: “Why does everyone always ask me that?”

Me: *sighs*

Related:
Email Fail, Part 6
Email Fail, Part 5
Email Fail, Part 4

icon_healthbody

MRI: Moronically Resisting Information

| USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Technology, Trigger Story

(I work in an outpatient medical imaging facility where we do MRIs, X-rays, ultrasounds, etc. Every exam we do must be ordered by a physician. These physicians oftentimes don’t know the machinery like we do and sometimes answer their patients’ questions incorrectly. For reference: an MRI machine is a long tube with both ends being open. An open MRI machine is open on three sides and is easier for claustrophobic patients to handle. This patient calls in with some questions before her exam.)

Patient: “My doctor told me your machine was an open MRI.”

Me: “I’m sorry; he was mistaken. Our machine is the regular tube-like kind.”

Patient: “But he said it was open!”

Me: *knowing this doctor knows our machine is not the open kind* “I’m sorry, but it’s not. I don’t know why he would have told you that.”

Patient: “I’m severely claustrophobic! I can’t be in a tube!”

Me: “I understand. I’d recommend talking to your doctor about taking some kind of sedation. Most of our claustrophobic patients can get through their exam when they’ve taken a mild sedative beforehand. Your doctor would need to prescribe that for you.”

Patient: “But he said it was an open MRI!”

Me: “Yes… I understand he said that, but I’m sorry. It’s not.”

Patient: “I’m claustrophobic! I can’t go in that little tube!”

Me: “You could go to [Local Hospital] and have your MRI there. They can do complete sedation, which is unfortunately something we do not offer. Again, you would need to talk to your doctor about that.”

Patient: “But he specifically told me your machine was an open MRI! I can’t do the tube!”

(We go on in circles like this for a few minutes, she saying her doctor told her our machine was open and me reiterating that it isn’t. Finally, I get fed up.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’re not going to make you have this exam. If you feel you can’t handle our machine, we are not going to force you to get into it. I’ve told you it is not an open MRI and I’ve given you several options for handling your claustrophobia during the exam. I don’t know what it is you want me to do.”

Patient: “My doctor said your machine is an open MRI!”

Me: *head-desk*

 

Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!

icon_bigotry

His Bigotry Is Self-Server-ing

| USA | Bigotry, Technology

(I work tech support configuring whitebox systems (computers built from parts bought separately). A customer wants a server built that will support a discontinued Microsoft operating system. I’m female and so is the caller.)

Me: “I designed the server for you but the manufacturer won’t certify that these parts will work with the operating system you want to use.”

Customer: “Well, I spent a lot of money on this software years ago and I don’t want it to go to waste.”

Me: “Unfortunately, no one wants to spend time or money supporting a discontinued OS. You can purchase the server and try to install it, but you may not be successful getting it to work.”

Customer: “Who can tell me that it will work?”

Me: “That would be me. And I can’t tell you it will work because no one writes drivers for the software you’ve got.”

Customer: “I want to talk to someone qualified to tell me that it will work.”

Me: “I’m qualified. I’ve been doing this for over 10 years. I assure you that no one will certify it.”

Customer: “Let me talk to someone who isn’t like you.”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Customer: “You know, a girl. I want to talk to a man.”

Me: “…Let me transfer you.”

icon_technology

Trial By Redial

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Popular, Technology

(Apparently I have a “posh” phone voice, so I’m tasked with answering the phone if the receptionist is out.)

Me: “Good morning, this is [My Name] at [Company]. How can I assist?”

Caller: “Yes, hello. Do you have any two-by-four [wood]?”

Me: “Sorry, I think you have the wrong number. This is a laboratory company. You have called [Company].”

Caller: *an older voice answers* “Oh, is this not [Lumber Yard]?”

Me: “No, this is [Company]. We don’t have anything to do with lumber.”

Caller: “Oh, err, sorry.” *hangs up*

(My MD gives me the strangest look, shakes his head before getting back to work. The phone rings again.)

Me: “Good morning, this is [My Name] at [Company]. How can I assist?”

Caller: “Can I speak to [Name that doesn’t work here]?”

Me: “Sorry, nobody works at [Company] by that name.”

Caller: “Is this [Lumber Yard]?”

Me: “No, this is [Company].”

Caller: *click*

(The phone rings instantly.)

Me: “Okay, look. This is still [My Name], still at [Company]. You must have just hit redial.”

Caller: “Well of course I did, I was trying to reach [Company] lumber.”

Me: “Yes, I understand, but very clearly you. Need. To ring. A. different. Number.”

Caller: *click*

(I start to feel bad, even concerned that I might get in trouble, as my MD is quite strict and a professional, when… the phone rings again, same number.)

MD: *shouting from the other side of the office* “Is that the same guy?”

(I nod.)

MD: *answering the phone* “Yes… Yes… No, no problem… Any time… Of course… Bye.”

Me: *confused* “I could of sworn that was—”

MD: “Oh, it was. He is now expecting a lorry of wood at two o’clock tomorrow.”

(I forgot about it until the next day. The receptionist had a very confusing phone call to deal with.)

Page 29/219First...2728293031...Last