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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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Goes Against My Code

| RI, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Technology

(I write code for very high end automation systems. This is a drawn out process that has me sitting on my laptop in a customer’s space for long periods of time.)

Customer: “So, did you go to school for this?”

Me: “Yes, I did, but it is very specialized training.”

Customer: “Oh, so, you must be very good with computers.”

Me: “I am, yes.”

(It’s at this point I know what is coming and it has happened on a few occasions.)

Customer: “My computer there is running very slow. I have fast Internet; do you know why it could be slow?”

Me: *looking at older laptop* “I’m not sure. It could be a virus, some malware, there are a bunch of things it could be.”

Customer: “Oh. Could you fix it?”

Me: “I could, yes, but it’s not within the scope of the job. I’m here to do this.”

Customer: *now frustrated* “Well, I figured while you were just sitting there you could push a button and fix my computer…”

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Give Them 17 Inches, They’ll Take A Mile

| UT, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Technology

(A lady comes in wearing a freshly pressed business suit, glances at the laptop computer displays, sighs loudly, and marches up to me.)

Customer: “Where are your 17-inch laptops?”

Me: “I’m sold out at the moment.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “I usually carry them. A few different models, in fact. But I’m sold out right now.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me!”

Me: “Seriously. I usually have them, just not right now. We’re in the middle of replacing some older models with newer ones. We sold out of the old ones early last week. We had four of the new models come in late last week, but those sold out as well. We’re expecting more tomorrow.”

Customer: “Ha! You think you can fool me? Don’t play games. WHERE are your 17-inch laptops?!”

Me: “On a truck. It’s probably just leaving the warehouse in California where our shipments come from.”

Customer: “Listen, you. I don’t know what kind of trick you’re trying to pull. All I want to know is WHERE your 17-inch laptops are, and you’re giving me the run-around. Either you have them, or you don’t. Don’t give me these lines about ‘just not right now.’ Now tell me truthfully: Where! Are! They?”

Me: *deadpan* “On a truck. In California. They’ll be here tomorrow.”

Customer: *huffs* “Oh! I don’t believe this. I’m leaving. If I come back next week and you don’t have those 17-inch laptops, I’ll have your job!”

(She stomped away, which looked very uncomfortable in high heels.)

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This Call Is Not Looking Good

, | Magdeburg, Germany | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m on the phone with a customer whose connection repeatedly syncs off, and basic troubleshooting hasn’t helped.)

Me: “All right, Mr. [Customer], since you’re online now, I’d like to log into your router to see what kind of error messages it produces when the sync is off.”

Customer: “What, you can do that? You can read my emails? But isn’t this against the data protection law?”

Me: “You don’t have to worry. I can’t read your email. I can only log into your router’s logbook.”

(I proceed to explain what the logbook is for several minutes, until the customer consents.)

Me: “All right, it would seem that you get random timeouts and this is why it syncs off. I’ll try to fix it by reconfiguring your line. It’ll take several minutes; after that I’ll need you to restart your router for me.”

Customer: “All right, but answer me this question: can you see my apartment?”

Me: “Your apartment?”

Customer: “Well, yes. You can see my connection and log into my router, so I guess you can look at my apartment, right?”

Me: *jokingly* “No, sir, we can’t do that; this is the NSA’s job.”

Customer: *laughing* “Ah, okay, then it’s all right. But if you are looking, don’t worry, today I cleaned everything up.”