Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

His Hate Engine Is Running Fine, However

| Bristol, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Technology, Transportation

(I work for a small software company that had previously been owned by a well-known breakdown cover provider.)

Me: “Good morning, [Company]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I’ve broken down; I need you to come and get me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this isn’t [Breakdown Cover Provider]; you have the wrong number.”

Customer: “WHAT?! I looked up the number on the Internet for the Bristol branch and it gave me this number. Don’t lie to me.”

Me: “This is a software company. We were previously owned by [Breakdown Cover Provider] but we haven’t been part of that company for a while.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have time for this; you have to sort it out. I’m stuck on the side of the road and I can’t look up the number from here.”

Me: “I thought you’d already looked up the number on your phone which is how you got this number.”

Customer: “DON’T GET SMART WITH ME! Give me the god-d*** number now!”

(I realise there is no point in arguing so I look up the number on my computer whilst he is screaming at me.)

Me: “Okay, sir, the number is [number]. I hope you get everything sorted. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “Why couldn’t you just do that straight away instead of arguing with me? F*** YOU!” *hangs up*

Her Brain Is Not Online

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a small family-operated t-shirt store in a small but busy tourist town. We have only one location, but we also have an online store. During the summer, about 90% of our customers are tourists, so we give everyone who comes in a flyer with a code for free shipping on an online order. This occurs as I’m finishing a transaction.)

Me: “We also have a nice online store, and there’s a free shipping code on this flyer for you to use if you order anything on there.”

(The customer pushes the flyer away.)

Customer: “No, I don’t want one; I’m leaving town today.”

(The customer rushes out the door before I can respond. My manager looks over at me.)

Manager: “Isn’t that the point of being able to shop online?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, it is.”

Internet Sandwich Provider

| Austria | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Yes, I wanted to complain about the cheese sandwiches you delivered. The cheese was old, all glossy, and the spread cheese was dried out and crumply.”

Me: “Erh… ma’am, I think you might have the wrong number. We’re an ISP. Not a catering service.”

Caller: “Oh. Sorry.” *click*

(A few minutes later…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Yes, the sandwiches you delivered, they were old. The cheese slices were all glossy and hard, and the spread cheese was dried out!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry for your misfortune with your caterer, but we are still an ISP.”

Caller: “NO!”

Me: “Er… yes, we are. Unless management rolled out another product again and didn’t inform us… those cheese rolls aren’t our fault.”

Caller: “That is the phone number on the invoice!”

Me: “Ma’am. Please. Believe me. This is the wrong number. That’s not our cheese. You can get Internet, cable TV, and landline phone here, but unless you can squeeze it through a cable, it’s not one of our products!”

Caller: *click*

(A few minutes later…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “About those sandwiches…”

Me: “Ma’am! We are still an ISP. Please find the correct number and…”

Caller: “Nooo! It’s the RIGHT number! I called it right! You just pretend you’re not [Caterer]!”

Me: “Ma’am! Please, tell me what you want from me!”

Caller: “I want you to not charge me for those stale sandwiches!”

Me: “Ma’am, I give you my word: we will not charge you for those sandwiches.”

Caller: “Finally!” *click*

(I closed the ticket with a “do not charge for sandwiches” comment, which my superior fully supported when I had to relay the story to him.)

He Has A Computer Bug Up His A**

| Inland Empire, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Popular, Technology, Wild & Unruly

Customer: *slams two broken laptops on counter* “Fix ’em.”

Me: “Um. Okay. What’s wrong with them?”

Customer: “I don’t know; that’s your job, not mine.”

Me: “Sure thing. Do you happen to have a warranty on these by chance?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Why?”

(At this point, I’m plugging both laptops into the wall under my desk via the chargers the customer has supplied, so I can attempt to boot them up.)

Me: “Well, these appear to be a little bit older. If they are out of warranty, we can work with you on services for rep—”

(The customer begins yanking on the power chords, which are now plugged in under the counter. The “bricks” on the chargers are swinging very close to my face. He yanks hard enough to free both chargers from the wall, and they come inches from smacking me in the face hard.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, was that necessary?”

Customer: “I’m not paying you to fix my s***, you a**-hole! Fix it or I’m throwing them at you!”

(At this point, management has come over to the counter and asked the customer to leave. He looks right at me.)

Customer: “You want to go outside, buddy?”

Me: “Sir, are you serious?”

(The customer is escorted to the front of the door, detained by loss prevention, and the police are called. The manager comes up to me afterwards.)

Manager: “Did he come in like that? What just happened?”

Let The Music Move You To The Correct Number

| Centennial, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Popular, Technology

(I worked in the IT department at a small company as a system administrator. One day the receptionist calls and says a customer is calling in for tech support, which isn’t possible because we are a print and mail shop, and I only support employees. Intrigued, I have her put him through.)

Me: “[Company], this is [My Name].”

Customer: “Hi, I have a G-59x unit that I ordered from you all and I can’t get any music out of it. I connected it to the audio source but it’s not playing.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I think you must have a wrong number. This is [Company].”

Customer: “That’s right, [Similarly Named Company]! That’s who I bought it from.”

(I do a quick Google search to find that there’s a company whose name is almost, but not exactly, like ours. They make music systems for restaurants, stores, and on-hold music for phones.)

Me: “I found the company you’re looking for online. I have their number if it’ll help.”

Customer: “So you’re refusing to help me? It’s always the same. You call for support and they pass you around from one person to another, and nobody helps.”

Me: *sighing internally and drawing on my vast IT experience* “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

Customer: “Oh, hey! It’s working now! Thanks!”

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