Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…


Will Get The Occasional Hack

| Scranton, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Ya, my a**-hole neighbor hacked into your cable and is watching me!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir? Did you say he hacked our cable and is watching you?”

Customer: “Ya, that’s right! I heard him over there telling all his friends he hacked my cable box and can see me. I want you to put a block on him!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir, but I can assure you that’s not possible.”

Customer: “Yes, it is! I saw it on the news last week!”

Me: “Is it possible he knew you were listening and he is messing with you?”

Customer: “NO! You know it can happen and it happened to me! Are you stupid? I’m being watched and you don’t even care. They hacked into my cable box and they are watching me through the green light on the box. Shut his service off NOW!”

Me: “Sir, If you feel your life is in danger or you’re being talked about maybe you should call the police.”

Customer: “Ya, I’ll call the police now. I’m also going to report your company and they are going to shut you down!”

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with, sir?”

Customer: “NO!” *hangs up*


A Copier Paste Response

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Technology

(I work in a copy center in a local office supply store.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name] in the copy center. How can I help you?

Customer: “Yes, I’m calling about a my printer…”

(The customer goes into long rant about their printer including model number and what is wrong with it. I try several times to jump in but have no success; I let the customer finish their rant.)

Customer: “So, do you think you can help me?”

Me: *sighing* “I am sorry, sir, but I am going to have to transfer you to our tech department.”

Customer: “But it’s a PRINTER issue. You work with printers?!”

Me: “Sir, I work with high speed copy machines. I don’t know anything about your [Home Brand Printer] and I don’t work on repairing printers; I just make copies.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just stupid!”

Me: “I’m sure it is. Hold, please.”


An Instruction Deconstruction

, | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Popular, Technology

(I answer a customer call.)

Customer: “I bought a VCR from you and I followed the cable provider instructions for hookup but I can’t get it to work.”

(I explains the correct hookup step by step.)

Customer: “But that isn’t how the cable provider instructions said.”

Me: “You followed the cable provider instructions and it doesn’t work?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Would you like to follow my instructions so that it does work?”

Customer: “Uh, okay…”


Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 26

| TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

(I work at a frozen custard and coffee shop. To draw in customers we also offer free wifi.)

Customer: “I’ll get a mocha custard with extra chocolate. And what is a ‘wehfeh?'”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Oh, um, a weefee?” *she points to the sign*

Me: “Oh! Wifi!”

Customer: “Oh! Oh, yes, sure. This says I can get it free?”

Me: “Yep.”

(There’s a long pause while the woman stares at me.)

Customer: *getting a little impatient* “What is it? Okay, is it a smoothie or custard or drink?”

(I’m a little at a loss for words so it takes me a minute to compose my answer.)

Me: “Oh, it’s, you know, it’s Internet. Like wireless Internet?” *the woman starts frowning at me* “For using your laptop or phone in the store.”

Customer: “I want my custard to go.”

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 25
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 24
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 23

It Doesn’t Take A Brain Surgeon

| IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Popular, Technology

(I am a slot technician at a casino, and a patron is having trouble cashing out of a slot machine. This is back when the only way to cash out was to get coins, and many patrons still used coins to play rather than bills. There is a button you push on the front of the machine to cash out, but it isn’t working.)

Me: “Hello, sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Patron: “Your machine is broken! I just want my d*** money but it won’t cash me out.”

(I ask him to hit the cashout button for me. We’re not allowed to hit any buttons while a patron has money in the machine. He does and it doesn’t work.)

Patron: “See?!”

(He mashes the button repeatedly in anger.)

Patron: “I want my d*** money!”

(At this point I look at the state of the machine and realize that it’s in the middle of a bet… He has already bet a credit and the machine is just waiting to spin. There is no way to get the money out until the spin is done. I begin to explain this to him.)

Patron: “That’s bull-s***! I DID NOT bet a credit. Why the hell would I do that when I want to go home!”

Me: “I don’t know, sir, but the machine does have a credit bet. If you could just hit the spin button…”

Patron: *yelling* “I did not bet a credit! I’m not going to spend any more of my money in your machine! You’re just trying to get more money out of me!”

Me: “Sir, if there are no credits bet, hitting spin won’t do anything. If you’re correct, nothing will happen. If I’m right, the machine will spin and you’ll be able to cash out.”

Patron: “I’m telling you that I did not bet a credit!”

Me: “Perhaps your hand slipped when you were hitting the cash out button, sir, and you accidently…”

Patron: *furious now* “Son, I’m a surgeon. My hands don’t slip. I take people’s lives in my hands every single day, and if my hands were prone to slipping those people could be dead! I want you to cash me out, NOW!”

(At this point the man’s wife, who had been sitting down next to us in silence the entire time, reached over and quietly hit the ‘spin’ button. As I expected, the machine bean to spin the reels. They landed on a small to credit win and the cash out button lit up. He lowered his gaze and slowly hit the cash out button. Of course, the coins began to drop in the tray. I flashed a small smile to the wife, who subtly rolled her eyes and looked apologetic. The surgeon, defeated, took his coins and slowly walked away without a word.)

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