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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Wish You Could Screen These Customers

| Australia | Popular, Rude & Risque, Technology

(Our store has a large screen relaying live footage from the CCTV cameras. Every so often, customers who are easily entertained go crazy about ‘seeing themselves on TV’ and start dancing in front of it, or taking pictures, or whatever. We had just served this trio of guys when they noticed the screen and one started dancing. The next moment I looked at him he had his pants down to his knees and was doing what you could only describe as “windmilling,” while thrusting towards my horrified looking coworker.)

Me: “It’s not going to look any larger on the big screen…”

Stick A PIN In My Heart

| CO, USA | Love/Romance, Popular, Technology

(The customer is an elderly gentleman.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, yes, I am trying to access my voicemail, but I don’t remember my PIN.”

Me: “Oh, that’s all right. Let’s get your account pulled up and we will see if we can update your PIN.”

(We get the account pulled up and I change his PIN for him. I always make sure things are working before I let my customers go.)

Me: “All right, if you would like to go ahead and call your voicemail and make sure the PIN works?”

(The customer does so and the line goes quiet for a few moments. When the customer finally speaks up, he is much quieter than before.)

Customer: “Thank you so much. My wife left me a voicemail to pick up some groceries a few months ago. She passed away last month. I just wanted to hear her voice one more time.”

Me: *sadly speechless*

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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 23

| Canada | Extra Stupid, Popular, Technology

(I get a call where the modem is online and other devices can connect to the wifi, but the computer that is connected to the modem with a network cable can’t get online. I log into the modem and can see that it’s not detecting anything plugged into it.)

Me: “…so it’s probably just a loose cable. So can you please check the cable at the back of the modem?”

Customer: “Yeah, it seemed a bit loose, but now it’s in tight.”

Me: “That’s strange; I still can’t see it. Is the computer on right now?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Because I can’t see it if it’s not turned on.”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s on.”

Me: “Okay, then, can you please check the cable at the back of the computer and make sure it’s not loose there?”

Customer: “It’s tight.”

Me: “I still can’t see it. Maybe it’s a bad port. Can you move the cable in the back of the modem to the next square hole over, please?”

Customer: “Okay, done.”

Me: “I still can’t see it from here. Can you get online yet?”

Customer: “No, it’s still not working.”

Me: “Okay, then, let’s try the next port over. Now, the computer is on, right?”

Customer: “”Yeah, it’s on.”

(We spend the next ten minutes trying every port in the back of the modem, having them try a second “network” cable (that ends up being just a regular phone cord from the fax machine, which of course doesn’t work). I still can’t get the modem to see the connection or the computer online, and they don’t have any other laptops or anything that we can plug in instead to test the cable. Finally…)

Me: “Okay, I don’t know why the modem can’t see the computer. The cable seems to be in decent shape, and I can’t believe that all four ports spontaneously died at once. I’ve got to check what IP your computer’s getting. Go over to it, please, and click on the Start button in the bottom left corner of your screen, then “All Programs”–”

Customer: “Just a sec; I have to turn the computer on.”

Me: *in disbelief* “The computer isn’t on.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “I asked you a few times if it was on. You told me it was.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Because I can’t see the connection if the computer’s not on!”

Customer: “Yeah. Sorry.”

(As soon as the computer was on, we checked her Internet, and lo and behold, it was working. The network cable had been loose after all; and we had spent the next half hour or so trying to troubleshoot a problem that didn’t exist for a computer that wasn’t even on! And customers wonder why tech support agents tend to talk to them like they’re morons. Statistically, they probably are.)

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 22
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 21
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 20