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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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A Shocking Request

| WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Technology

(I work at a call center for a cell phone company. A customer has called in to see what her options are as her son’s phone was stolen by someone at his school. She is also at the police station while the call is going on. A supervisor happens to be listening to my call as well. By this point , I’ve explained her options and am working on putting a hold on the line so no calls, texts, or data can be used.)

Caller: “Can you tell me who has his phone? I want to make sure they are punished.”

Me: “I’m afraid we have no way of tracking the phone. At best we could see what tower it was connected to last but that covers a broad area. I see it’s an iPhone; I could give you the information for the “Find my iPhone App” which should help in the future. You already in contact with your local police, which is also good.”

Caller: “Just get into the camera!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Caller: “You know, just get into the camera on his phone and take pictures of the boys who stole his phone and send them to me.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid there is no way to do that.”

Caller: “Okay, fine. Just shock them, then.”

(At this point I look over at my supervisor, who looks just as confused as I do.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “You don’t have to shock them hard; just make the phone shock them a little.”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no way for me to shock someone.”

Caller: “Well, can’t you make the phone squirt blue paint on them so we can find them?”

(I’m trying to keep it together, which isn’t helped by the fact my supervisor is laughing quietly next to me. I regain my composure.)

Me: “I’m sorry but that technology doesn’t currently exist. I have given you all the options we have available at the present time. Your son’s line has a hold put on it so it can’t be used in anyway which would impact your bill. Please let us know if you recover his phone.”

(Somehow I managed to end the call before I burst out laughing. My supervisor didn’t even care I took myself out of the queue for a few minutes. Neither of us could quite believe the customer was dead serious the entire time.)

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Number Blunder

| Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(My coworker is on the phone with a customer:)

Coworker: “All right, the phone number you need is xxx-xxx… Ma’am? … MA’AM! Please do not dial the number into your phone while I’m giving it to you.”

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Laptop Flop, Part 11

| AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I’m a young woman working with all men at a well known retail store that also provides tech support. We are always extremely busy due to understaffing, and I am usually the only person helping customers checking in and out their computers. This client is a man in his 60s.)

Me: “Here’s your computer, sir. I’ll turn both of them on for you to look at. It looks like this one had a few viruses.” *points to laptop which is about six years old* “But this other one, due to its age, is running as fast as it can.” *points to laptop that is about fifteen years old* “The tech that worked on it said there’s nothing else we can really do for it, so he suggested to replace the unit.”

Client: “This is ridiculous. It was running just fine before!”

Me: “Well, the computer getting older and the speed is limited by its age. I’m sorry, but I can’t speed it up any more than it already is.”

Client: “Do you have a car?”

Me: “Yes, I own my own car.”

Client: “I’m sure that if there was something wrong with it, you’d just throw the whole thing away, now wouldn’t you?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Client: “That’s what’s wrong with your generation! One thing is wrong, you throw it all away!”

Me: “No, sir, I wouldn’t throw my car away because one thing is wrong. I would replace the broken part to make it work again. Since it says here in our notes that we attempted to call you multiple times about your computer and that you declined any more work done to it aside from diagnostics and virus removal, there’s nothing more we can do to your computer without replacing parts or scrapping it.”

Client: *grabs laptops* “I’m not replacing them! They’re in mint condition!”

Me: *wipes dusty hands on pants* “Have a nice day!”

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 10
Laptop Flop, Part 9
Laptop Flop, Part 8

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If Only They Could Monitor Their Own Behavior

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology, Time

(I am in line at a popular electronics store to pick up my laptop I had purchased a few days prior. At this particular store, they advise you to make an appointment to avoid unpredictable wait times.)

Employee: *looking at me* “Hi, ma’am. Do you have an appointment?”

Me: “Yes, my appointment is at 1:30 under [My Name]. I am here to pick up my laptop I purchased the other day.”

Employee: “Okay, thanks. Hold on one moment please and I will go back and get your laptop.”

(An elderly couple walk in each holding a large computer monitor. The couple pushes me aside and sets the monitors on the counter. Not wanting to be rude, I quietly move aside.)

Old Woman: “We’re here to drop off these monitors. They need to be fixed.”

Employee: “Okay, ma’am. Did you have an appointment?”

Old Woman: “An appointment?”

Employee: “Yes, we recommend making appointments to help better serve our customers. It is not required, but recommended because wait times can vary to five minutes to a couple of hours.”

Old Woman: “No, I don’t have an appointment. I just want to drop these things off.”

Employee: “I’d be more than happy to help you, ma’am. However, I was in the middle of assisting another customer. She had an appointment so I have to help her first. You can take a seat over there and the wait time right now is twenty minutes.”

Old Woman: “TWENTY MINUTES?! That won’t do! We have a movie to catch!”

Employee: “I apologize, ma’am, but like I said, I need to assist customers with appointments first. You’re more than welcome to wait twenty minutes or I would be happy to schedule you an appointment for later.”

Old Woman: “That’s ridiculous! I’m not waiting twenty minutes. We already drove all the way here! Can’t I just leave these here with you and pick them up later?”

Employee: “Sorry, ma’am, but I just can’t let you leave these here.”

Old Woman: “Well, can’t I just sign some paper or something saying I’m leaving it here?”

Employee: “Yes, that’s what we require. We also would need to know the issues you are having with the monitors but like I said, I can’t allow you to cut in front of customers with appointments. I was already in the middle of helping this young lady–” *gestures towards me* “–and like I said she has an appointment. So you can either wait or schedule an appointment for later.”

(After watching this go on for a few minutes, I had decided I’d let the elder couple have my appointment as I didn’t have anything else to do that day and twenty minutes really wasn’t long.)

Me: “Excus—” *gets cut off*

Old Woman: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS! F*** THIS! I DIDN’T WANT TO COME TO THIS PIECE OF S*** STORE ANYWAY! [Husband], LET’S GO!”

(She snatches the computer monitor up, still going off and making a scene. Her husband takes the other monitor and without a word, follows his wife. The employee apologizes again to the man who rudely dismisses him.)

Employee: “I’m sorry about that.”

Me: “That’s okay; I work in the restaurant business where I have to deal with customers like that on a daily basis. I was about to just offer her my appointment until she made that big scene and started cursing.”

(Moral of the story: If that woman had handled herself differently and treated others with respect, her computer monitors would be fixed right now.)

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Thou Shalt Have Cable

, | Germany | Language & Words, Movies & TV, Technology

(The German word for “commandment” is also used as an auction term.)

Coworker: “Hello, this is the IT service of [ISP]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello? Please, help me. You have to help me.”

Coworker: “Certainly, ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

Caller: “I can’t see my commandments! I can’t watch them!”

Coworker: “Commandments? Like… your auctions on eBay?”

Caller: “eBay? What is this? What are you talking about? Please help me.”

Coworker: “Uh, why don’t you explain to me which commandments you mean?”

Caller: “Commandments! The Ten Commandments. It goes on Kabel-1 at two pm!”

Coworker: “Oh, the movie! Let me see what we can do. Please tell me your customer number first…”

(It was a long call. It turned out the elderly lady was disabled and really wanted to watch her movie that day, as it was Good Friday. My coworker was able to find out the problem wasn’t in her devices so he transferred her over to the TV services support. She blessed him. Sometimes religious customers aren’t that bad.)

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