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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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The Router Of All Your Problems

| Germany | Bad Behavior, Popular, Technology

(I get a call from the first support level about a customer who’s complaining about his download speed.)

Me: “Good morning, you’ve reached the DSL diagnostic department of [ISP]. My name is [My Name]. Mr [Caller], I hear your Internet is too slow.”

Caller: “Yeah, that’s right! Way too slow! I pay €40 every month to get 500 MB/s and the only thing I get here is 129 MB/s! Why did they transfer me to you anyway? What can you do?”

Me: “Well, my coworker already did some tests, but I have more tools for a more precise diagnose and more options for fixing your issue, if it’s a line problem.”

Caller: “Hehe, girl power, heh? Didn’t know women get to do so much more than men at [ISP].”

Me: *coldly* “Actually that has more to do with me being second level of support. Now tell me, did you do your speed-test via LAN or WiFi?”

Caller: “WiFi only.”

Me: “Good, and do you have a network cable to try how it is via LAN?”

Caller: “Yes, but it can’t reach my machine.” *condescendingly* “It’s not a laptop; it’s a very expensive iMac. ”

Me: “All right… let me look at your download speed.”

(I proceed to do some tests that show me a stable line with a download speed of 501 MB/s – which means that his problem probably lies with his router or his computer.)

Me: “Mr [Caller], according to my results, your speed is sufficient and even a bit more than promised.”

Caller: “What? You have the NERVE? You—”

Me: “Sir, before you go on – this is what your router gets from our line. I’d take a wild guess and say its wireless module isn’t okay, but a coworker from the device management should take a closer look at your device.”

Caller: “Ah, okay, that makes sense.”

Me: “So, I see you have a [ISP Brand model]; is it on lease?”

Caller: “No. I bought it about a year ago.”

Me: “Great, then it’s still in its 24-month-guarantee—”

Caller: “No, it isn’t. See, I didn’t buy it from you guys; I bought it from some guy on eBay.”

Me: “I don’t know if we’re allowed to diagnose that if it isn’t bought from us.”

Caller: “This is how you serve your customers? Hey, I’ve been with [ISP] for 12 years; I DEMAND SERVICE! You can’t be serious! I pay so much money and now you can’t even fix your own [Brand model]? This is all your fault! I need to speak to your boss, to the CEO, and you’re going to tell him exactly what I said—”

Me: “Sir, let me try and transfer you and see if the coworkers there take it. After that you can talk to whoever you want to.”

(I transfer him.)

Me: “All right, [Coworker], this is a tough case. I think his wireless module isn’t okay. In any case it’ll be nice to take a look at his settings, and probably change a channel or something. There’s one thing, though; he bought his device on eBay and now he’s blaming us for it not working.”

Coworker: “So, he buys it for €5, probably used, from some guy on eBay and now it’s broken… How is this our problem? Transfer him; I’ll explain to him how the world works.”

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The Final Word On Passwords, Part 4

| MS, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I often have to reset passwords on various systems. Because of strict password restrictions, these systems require lowercase, CAPS, numbers, etc. To make it easy on users, we always reset to “Password123” without quotes. This is a very typical phone call:)

Me: “All right, I’ve reset your password. The new password is ‘Password123’ with a capital ‘P’.”

User: “That didn’t work.”

Me: “Are you sure you typed it in correctly? It’s the word ‘Password’ with only the ‘P’ capitalized and the numbers ‘123’ after. There are no spaces.”

User: “No, that still didn’t work. Do I have to type in my username?”

Me: “Yes, you use your same username, and where it asks for the password, it’s ‘Password123’ with the ‘P’ capitalized.”

User: “I know; I’m typing in what you tell me but it isn’t working.”

Me: “Are you sure your CAPS Lock is not on?”

User: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Me: “Can you tell me exactly what you are typing in as you type it?”

User: “p-a-s-s-w-o-r-d-1-2-3-c-a-p-i-t-a-l-p”

Me: “Okay, it isn’t the phrase “capitalp” at the end. The word ‘Password’ has a capitalized letter ‘P’ at the beginning.”

User: “Oh! Okay. P-p-a-s-s-w-o-r-d-1-2-3. Nope, that still didn’t work.”

Related:
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 3
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 2
The Final Word On Passwords

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Failed A Number Of Times

| Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Extra Stupid, Popular, Technology

(My office phone number is the inverse of a shelter, so we get wrong numbers all the time.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Office]. How may I help you?”

Client: “Hi, I need to talk to [Shelter Manager].”

Me: “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number. Their number is 1122. Ours is 2211.”

Client: “Is it? Oh, I’m sorry. Thank you!” *hangs up*

(The phone rings 10 seconds later.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Office]. How may I help you?”

Client: “Hi, I need to talk to [Shelter Manager].”

Me: “Hi again! I’m sorry, but you still have the wrong number. Their number is 1122.”

Client: “What? Oh, geez, I called 2211 again! Sorry!” *hangs up*

(The phone rings 10 seconds later.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Office]. How may I help you?”

Client: “Not you again!”

Me: “Yup, me again.”

Client: “Sorry, SORRY!” *hangs up*

(The phone rings 10 seconds later.)

Me: *skipping my normal intro* “Hi, let me guess, still trying for [Shelter Manager] at 1122?”

Client: “SON OF A—” *click*

(The phone rings 10 seconds later.)

Me: “Hi again!”

Client: *loud string of expletives followed by a phone slam*

(The phone rings 10 seconds later.)

Me: “Hi once again!”

Client: *loud ARGH followed by a few seconds of silence* “Can you… please… repeat that number to me… PLEASE?”

Me: “Sure, it’s 1122!”

Client: “Thank you… I am so… SO sorry.” *hangs up*

(I think they got it that time!)