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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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The Devil’s In The Digital

| Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Crazy Requests, Religion, Technology

(We specialize in household goods that supermarkets won’t carry but people still need, like phones, vacuum cleaners, perfumes, mobile phones, electric razors, cooking appliances, the works.)

Customer: “You, umm, you work here?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I do. How can I assist you?”

Customer: “I need a wireless house phone! Where do you have those?”

Me: “Right over here, sir. If you’ll follow me…”

(Now, protocol for the store is that all items are locked behind glass as display items, and sold items come up from the warehouse. All products come with a code that customers tell the cashiers to have their products brought up.)

Customer: “Hmm, how about that one? That’s a double set, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is. Good brand, too.”

Customer: “Hmm… Can you take it out, so I can feel it in my hand?”

Me: “No, sir, this is our display model. I’m not allowed to take it out without permission from our manager or assistant manager.”

Customer: “But I need to check if it’s a digital phone.”

(All wireless phones we sell are digital. I’ve never heard of an analog wireless phone.)

Me: “They’re all digital, sir.”

Customer: “All? But digital signals cause the Devil to whisper into your brain and cause cancer! I demand you show me an analog wireless phone.”

(This goes back and forth a bit, with me explaining that there is no such thing as an analog wireless phone. A second part about this is that I’ve literally never encountered an as openly religious person in my life before this as this customer was, because keeping your faith to yourself and not forcing it upon others is a big part of society here.)

Customer: “The Devil has already whispered into your brain! I know it! NOW SHOW ME AN ANALOG WIRELESS PHONE!”

Me: “Sir, it’s literally impossible to avoid digital signals in this day and age. Wireless Internet is a digital signal. Wi-Fi is a digital signal. Television is mostly a digital signal nowadays. Even that cellphone you put in your pocket before you walked in? That’s also a digitally encoded signal.”

(At this point the customer just stared at me and walked out of the door, holding a silver crucifix and murmuring prayers.)

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Insert Inert

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “How would you like to pay?”

Customer: “With credit”

Me: *clicks button on screen* “Okie dokie, insert whenever you’re ready.”

(The customer holds up her card. Like most cards these days, it has a chip. She tries to swipe it and the machine times out.)

Me: “Your card is a chip so you will have to insert it. Let’s try it now.”

(Customer swipes again.)

Me: “You have to insert.”

(She turns her card over and tries to swipe again.)

Me: “No, see the chip at the end of your card?”

(She turns her card so that she swipes the chip.)

Me: “You have to insert it! See the slot at the bottom there? Put the end with the chip in there.”

(The customer stared at the slot. Confused, she gave her card to me and I correctly inserted it for her.)

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Gets The Customers All Pumped Up

Bad Behavior, Technology, Transportation

(I’m working in a petrol station late at night. The area had just recovered from a power cut but it seems our section is still not back up yet. Customers coming in are very understandable about it. As I’m cleaning I see a regular trying to use a pump. I wave her in.)

Regular: “What is going on?!”

Me: “We’ve had a power-cut so none of the pumps are working.”

Regular: “Then why do you have lights on?”

Me: “We have a small generator outside that keeps the lights, alarm, and fridges on. They can’t power the pumps, I’m afraid.”

Regular: “Well, how can I get home?”

Me: “I don’t know. Sorry, without power there is no way I can get the fuel out.”

Regular: “But I need fuel now.”

(This continues for several minutes. Note, it’s my second-to-last week.)

Me: “Look unless we punch holes in the pumps you aren’t getting fuel.”

Regular: “How long will that take?”

Me: “I wasn’t serious. That would blow this place up. Look, I can’t give you fuel. There isn’t any electricity for the pumps to work. Please leave.”

(She carries on for another few minutes before she goes and stands with the pump in her car for 15 minutes. She eventually drives off with the pump still in her car, ripping it off. I phone the police who take all the details and leave. In the morning she comes back in.)

Regular: “Why can’t I use that pump? Don’t tell me you still aren’t working. I see others using it!”

Me: “That’s the one you broke last night. I’ve passed it to the police to deal with.”

(She goes white and silent for a few minutes before screaming and storms outs.)

Regular: “I’M TELLING YOUR BOSS!”