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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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Coming Down Hard On The Software

VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “I have a return.”

Me: “Okay!”

Customer: *slaps down box with “[Tax Software] FOR WINDOWS” on front*

Me: “It’s been opened…”

Customer: “I put it in my computer and it didn’t work.”

Me: “Was there something wrong with the disc?”

Customer: *becoming irate* “No! I can’t use it in my computer!”

Me: “Why can’t—”

Customer: “I have a Mac!”

(When we explain we can’t return open software unless it is defective, he becomes angry, declares we have lost his business, and storms out.)

Me: *to manager* “He says he’s never shopping here again.”

Manager: *in a sad, dead voice* “He’ll be back next tax season. They always come back.”

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A Shocking Request

| WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Technology

(I work at a call center for a cell phone company. A customer has called in to see what her options are as her son’s phone was stolen by someone at his school. She is also at the police station while the call is going on. A supervisor happens to be listening to my call as well. By this point , I’ve explained her options and am working on putting a hold on the line so no calls, texts, or data can be used.)

Caller: “Can you tell me who has his phone? I want to make sure they are punished.”

Me: “I’m afraid we have no way of tracking the phone. At best we could see what tower it was connected to last but that covers a broad area. I see it’s an iPhone; I could give you the information for the “Find my iPhone App” which should help in the future. You already in contact with your local police, which is also good.”

Caller: “Just get into the camera!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Caller: “You know, just get into the camera on his phone and take pictures of the boys who stole his phone and send them to me.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid there is no way to do that.”

Caller: “Okay, fine. Just shock them, then.”

(At this point I look over at my supervisor, who looks just as confused as I do.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “You don’t have to shock them hard; just make the phone shock them a little.”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no way for me to shock someone.”

Caller: “Well, can’t you make the phone squirt blue paint on them so we can find them?”

(I’m trying to keep it together, which isn’t helped by the fact my supervisor is laughing quietly next to me. I regain my composure.)

Me: “I’m sorry but that technology doesn’t currently exist. I have given you all the options we have available at the present time. Your son’s line has a hold put on it so it can’t be used in anyway which would impact your bill. Please let us know if you recover his phone.”

(Somehow I managed to end the call before I burst out laughing. My supervisor didn’t even care I took myself out of the queue for a few minutes. Neither of us could quite believe the customer was dead serious the entire time.)

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Number Blunder

| Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(My coworker is on the phone with a customer:)

Coworker: “All right, the phone number you need is xxx-xxx… Ma’am? … MA’AM! Please do not dial the number into your phone while I’m giving it to you.”