Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Get Your Fax Straight

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a furniture manufacturer. We send assembly guides with every order we ship out, but sometimes the warehouse misses one here and there. There are copies of the instructions for each product on our website, but most customers (no surprise) can’t find the button to bring them up. Because of this, when a customer calls in to say they didn’t get the assembly instructions, I usually don’t even mention that they are available on the website, and just offer to email them a PDF copy instead.)

Customer: “Hi, I ordered a [product] from you guys, but it didn’t come with instructions on how to put it together.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. I can email you over a copy. What is your email address?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do that.”

Me: “Okay, we also have copies available on our website. I can walk you through how to find them. Are you near a computer?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do that either. Can you just fax it to me?”

Me: “I can, sir, but this particular guide is 45 pages. I’m concerned that a fax of that size may not transmit properly and you may end up missing some pages. We really do recommend email for things like this whenever possible.”

Customer: “No, just fax it. If you email it to me, I’m just going to have to print out 45 pages, and I don’t want to do that.”

(Yes, I printed out the 45 page document and faxed it to him from our dinosaur fax machine. I wonder where he thought those 45 pieces of paper were going to come from.)

Her Facebook Is Going Down The Toilet (Paper)

| Mena, AR, USA | Bizarre, Technology

(I am usually a cashier, but, in some circumstances when the business is slow, a manager will ask me to put up things that were left behind at registers. I’m busy returning some toiletries to the toilet paper aisle when I see a woman staring indecisively at a package of toilet paper in her hand.)

Woman: “Hmmm.”

(She places the package into her buggy and continues to stare.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with, ma’am?”

Woman: “Oh, no! I’m fine.”

(She turns away from me and pulls her cellphone out of her back pocket. Quickly, she snaps a photo of the toilet paper lying in her cart.)

Woman: “Wow, that’s a good picture! I’m going to put it on Facebook.”

(Pleased with herself, she smiled and threw the package back onto the shelf. I, confused, moved along with my returns, shaking my head in disbelief.)

Too Much TV Turns Us Into Idiots

| AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

Me: “Thank you for contacting [Cable Tech Support]; my name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My cable box isn’t working and I’m sick of this crappy service! I’m almost ready to cancel!”

Me: “Oh, okay, I can definitely help you out with that, ma’am. So your cable box receiver is out? Let’s see what is going on.”

Customer: “There is just a blank screen and nothing is coming on at all. The cable box is on and all the lights are on but the TV is blank!”

Me: “Okay, is it on the correct channel for the cable?”

Customer: “How the h*** am I supposed to know that if it’s blank?!”

Me: “Even with the cable box down the TV should still function.”

Customer: “That’s the thing! The TV WON’T COME ON! I PRESS POWER ON THE TV AND NOTHING HAPPENS!”

Me: “Ma’am… you may need a new TV.”

It’s Like Talking To A Wall-Phone

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

Me: “Welcome to [Phone Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. My phone doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay, You’ve rung the number to find out who your phone company is currently. Would you like to know who your phone company is so you can report it?”

Customer: *getting angry* “No, I want to know why my phone doesn’t work. There is nothing on the other end, no dial tone, nothing. I can’t make any calls!”

Me: “You would have to report that to your phone company. Do you know who that is?”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: *now a bit confused* “Erm… sorry?”

Customer: “I don’t have a phone company. I found an old telephone in the shed, so I plugged it in to the wall to see what would happen, and I can’t make any calls! It’s a disgrace!”

Me: *rendered speechless* “Erm…”

Customer: “What if I was dying or something ? How would I make a call? The government should do something about it; this is a disgrace!”

Me: “So how are you calling me right now?”

Customer: “On my cell phone.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t help you unless you want to know who your home-phone company is, and… you don’t have one.”

Customer: “That’s not good enough! I’m not hanging up until you tell me who I can complain to about this!”

Me: “Madam, as I said before, we are a customer service line to let you know who your current land-line provider is. As you don’t have a land-line, you don’t have a provider. And plugging a phone into a random socket doesn’t mean you automatically have a phone service. With anyone.”

(The customer would not hang up until I gave them the number of ‘someone’ who could fix this. Eventually I gave them the number of the Telecommunications Ombudsman, which she seemed quite happy with. I wonder what THEY made of her call?)

Taxing Faxing, Part 19

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(I repair office machines. If a customer calls for service and they are not under contract, we charge a $90 fee, hourly and parts fees, and mileage if the distance is over 30 miles from the office. It’s to make them see what a great deal being under contract is. I get a call from a secretary that their fax machine wont print out faxes. We get this a lot so I ask her to make sure the paper roll is not in backwards (the old machines run off of a roll of paper instead of sheets). She assures me it isn’t. I tell her it will be over $200 for the me to even come look at it so I ask her to check again. She is adamant that the paper is in right and is insulted that I would even insinuate that she is too stupid to know whether or not the paper is in backwards. I tell her I would be down in the afternoon. When I get there the secretary shows me the machine. I step up, remove the paper roll, flip it around and put it back in, turn on the machine and it starts printing. The secretary just stands there with her mouth open. I write up the bill.)

Secretary: “Y… you aren’t really going to charge me all this?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I told you up front what we would charge and I even tried to help you over the phone.”

Secretary: *starts crying* “My boss will be furious when he finds out. I will lose my job over this!”

Me: “I will lose MY job if I don’t demand payment.”

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 18
Taxing Faxing, Part 17
Taxing Faxing, Part 16

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