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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

A Real Crappy Photoshop Job

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Crazy Requests, One-Liners, Technology

Customer: “Can you remove this person—” *indicates one child right in the middle of a family photo* “—from this photo? Oh, and be careful, there was a dog taking a fat s*** behind him. If you can see it, remove it, too.”

Out Of Control (Alt) Delete

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling Tech Support. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Elderly Woman: “I need you to delete a website!”

Me: *thinking she means she wants to cancel her account with us* “Okay, ma’am, I can help you with that. Can I have the name of your website so I can look up the account?”

Elderly Woman: “I don’t know the name! It’s got that Satanic Marilyn Manson on it! HE HAS SEX WITH SHEEP!”

Me: *stunned* “Umm, is this a website you own?”

Elderly Woman: “No, he has sex with sheep! I need you to hit the button and delete him from the Internet!”

Me: “If this is a website that’s not on our servers, there’s no way I can delete it.”

Elderly Woman: “Just hit the button!”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you.”

(Someone else picks up the phone, a much younger sounding man, presumably the woman’s son or adult grandson.)

Younger Man: “Can you just hit the button and delete the website so she won’t have to worry about it?”

Me: *guessing that I have to play along* “Umm, sure, I’ll see what I can do.”

(The man hands the phone back to the elderly woman.)

Elderly Woman: “He has SEX WITH SHEEP!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’ll hit the button and delete it from the Internet.”

Elderly Woman: “Oh, thank you! He’s the Devil! *hangs up*

The ‘M’ Is Not For Monogamy

| USA | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners, Technology

Customer: “I can’t remember my password. Help?”

(I verify his identity.)

Me: “Your hint is ‘wife’s name.'”

Customer: “Crap, which one?”

Me: “It… starts with an ‘m?'”

Customer: “Oh, that one. Thanks!”