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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Putting The Terror Into Terabytes

| Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer walks in and grabs a 3 GB USB stick from the rack and brings it to the counter.)

Me: “Afternoon, sir.”

Customer: “Yes, hello. Can you help me? What can I do with this?”

Me: “Umm… you can store files on this device using a computer.”

Customer: “Files?”

Me: “Yeah, pictures, text, movies, music. Anything.”

Customer: “And Google-ing?”

Me: “If you mean the Internet, no. You’ll need a bigger USB stick.”

(The customer grabs a 32 GB stick.)

Me: “Eh. Right, that was sarcastic. You’ll need millions and millions of USB sticks for that.”

Customer: “There are only 20 on the rack.”

Me: “What I’m trying to say is that it is impossible to copy the Internet to a USB stick.”

Customer: “Oh. What about a floppy?”

Me: “Those are outdated and store even less than a USB stick.”

Customer: “But can I store a ‘Internet’ on it?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “I want the manager.”

Me: “I am the manager.”

(The customer stormed off.)

Missed Out On The iFad

| UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “[Support], how can I help?”

Customer: “My iPad won’t connect to the wifi in the hotel!”

Me: “Okay, any error messages?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Me: “Okay, I need your MAC address to see if you’re associated with our network. Go to settings/general/wifi address.”

Customer: “I don’t have general.”

Me: “Okay, you should have. Settings/general. Fourth option down?”

Customer: “No, not there.”

Me: “What have you got?”

Customer: “Settings/more networks.”

Me: “You sure it’s an iPad?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s got Samsung on the back!”

Sanity Unplugged

| Detroit, MI, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(A customer in what sounds to be her forties calls in for having trouble with her TV.)

Me: “So, let’s start by doing a reboot. Can you please unplug the furthest cord on the left for 10 seconds then plug it back in?”

Customer: “Okay, I don’t know why I HAVE to do this; you should come over and do this.”

Me: *jokingly* “Ha ha. Well, I would but you live in Texas and I am in Michigan.”

Customer: “So? I am the customer; you should do what I say!”

Me: “Ma’am, it would take me a week to get to you. Now, can I just get you to plug the cord back in to see if we can get it working?”

Customer: “Where do I plug it in?”

Me: *dumbfounded* “Where it was unplugged from: the far left slot. You can’t miss it.”

Customer: “Okay, but where is that?”

Me: *at this point I’m not in the mood for this level of dumb* “Oh, well, it looks like your line is damaged and will need a technician. This is why your TV wasn’t working. How about if I get a technician out there?”

Customer: “Must have been my dead husband. He’s been haunting me for years.”

Me: “So… 8-12 tomorrow morning?”

Customer: “That would be great. Thanks dear, and don’t forget, masturbation is a sin!”

(I got an extra break after that call because I couldn’t stop laughing.)