Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…


A Bad Sign About This One

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer approaches my print center counter.)

Customer: “Hi! I’d like to order a sign for my business’s door, but I want it to be in full color.”

Me: “Sure! What size did you need the sign to be?”

Customer: “It’s a sign for my door. But in full color.”

Me: “Yes, that’s no problem. I just need to know what size you’d like to order.”


Me: “Ma’am, I need a measurement. I have to tell the sign company what size you want them to make your sign.”

Customer: *holds up her smartphone* “If I show you a picture of my old sign, will that help? It’s on my door. But I want the new one to be in full color.”

(She eventually had to call her husband over, and HE informed us that the sign they wanted was 2”x10” in size.)


A Scrambled Sense Of The Law

| ME, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Technology

(Working for the local cable office we often get questions about services that are connected to TV, but not necessarily a service we provide.)

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you guys rent cable descramblers?”

Me: “Oh, do you mean antennas to get over-the-air channels?”

Customer: “No, cable descramblers for the people that want TV stations but don’t want to pay for them.”

Me: “No, ma’am. That’s not how business works. I can either set you up for TV or you can get an antenna.”

Customer: “Well, why can’t I get a descrambler?”

Me: “Because they are illegal, ma’am.”

(The customer went wide eyed and immediately changed the subject.)


Abusing Our Good Name

| WI, USA | Funny Names, Technology

(Our tech support team works through phone, email, and chat. It is common for customers to contact us through one channel and follow up on another. I get a customer on the phone.)

Customer: “I already worked with someone in chat about this issue, but it’s still not working.”

Me: “All right, let me get the chat log called up so I see what you’ve done so far. Okay, so it looks like you told [Coworker] that the problem was [problem], and she recommended you try [basic troubleshooting]. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Yeah… wait, [Coworker]?”

Me: “Yes, you were chatting with [Coworker].”

Customer: “Really? [Coworker]?”

Me: “I have the chat log right here…”

Customer: “But I didn’t realize you actually had names!”

Me: “…um.”

Customer: “Oh! Sorry! That came out wrong. I meant I didn’t realize you used your real names in chat.”

Me: “Whew! Yeah, her name is actually [Coworker] and she’s pretty good with this stuff. Since those first steps didn’t work, though, let’s try these steps instead…”


Groomed To Be An A**-Hole

Switzerland | Bad Behavior, Technology

(I work at a well known chain store specialized in selling video games. We are situated next to a parking lot, so we often get people that just want to get some change for the parking metre. A customer comes in, already with that guilty look on his face.)

Me: “Hey there! Are you here to get some change?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, how did you know?”

Me: “I guessed from the look on your fa—”

Customer: “Yeah, I guess I’m too well-groomed to be in here.”

(I just gave him his change so he would leave.)


Should Have Read The Fine Print(er)

, | MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I just get into work to find out our main printer is down again. It breaks about three times a week. Our backup printer is three times slower than our main but it works just fine.)

Customer: “How long will my pictures take?”

Me: “Unfortunately we’re on our backup printer, but I’d still say 15 – 20 minutes.”

(Our policy is a 15 minute guarantee for 120 pictures. But the guarantee is void if our main printer is down.)

Customer: “I can’t believe this! Every time I get pictures your printer is down! I asked him—“ *pointing to my coworker* “—if everything was working right today! He said yes!”

(Coworker overhears and steps in.)

Coworker: “You asked me if the computers were working fine, and they are. The printer just went down about 10 minutes ago.”

Customer: “I just can’t believe this!”

(A few minutes later my manager walks up.)

Manager: “That customer just complained to me at the service desk about our printer being down. I’m giving her 20% off her order.”

Me: “Okay.” *filling out our discount sheet* “So should I put for the reason for the discount that ‘the customer was whiny’?”

Manager: “Haha! No, don’t.”

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