Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Searching In The Search Engine

| USA | Technology

(I get a phone call from an author trying to submit his manuscript through our online system. The link for our submissions is kind of small and easy to miss, and elderly authors especially have difficulty with it, so I’m used to these kinds of calls.)

Me: “Okay, sir, so you entered [Company].com, correct?”

Caller: “Hang on.” *I hear him typing very slowly* “W… W… W… Dot… [Company]… Dot… C… O… M… Enter. Okay.”

Me: “Great! Now if you’ll scroll to the very bottom of the page.”

Caller: “Hang on.” *I hear him scrolling* “Okay.”

Me: “You should see a link that says ‘Guidelines for Authors.’ Do you see it?”

Caller: “No…”

Me: “Oh. Um… Do you see where it says ‘Store Locator’ in bigger letters? It’s right beneath that. I know it’s kind of small.”

Caller: “There’s no ‘Guidelines for Authors’ there.”

(I’m really confused why it’s not displaying on his page, so I spend a good fifteen minutes trying to walk him through it again, checking with IT to see if there have been problems, and repeatedly testing the site on my end.)

Me: “Okay, I can’t figure out why your page doesn’t show it. What DO you see?”

Caller: “It says ‘Help,’ ‘Send Feedback,’ ‘Privacy,’ and ‘Terms.’”

Me: “Huh? What is there right above that?”

Caller: “A blue ‘G,’ a red ‘O,’ a bunch of yellow ‘O’s…”

(That’s when I realized that he’d just entered our site address into the Google search bar and not actually clicked on the link. It didn’t even occur to me that I’d need to be THAT specific with my directions!)

Wouldn’t Want To Be In Her Prescription Shoes

| USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work at a call center for one of the nation’s largest insurance firms. Today I’m handling an irate caller who’s very upset that she can’t get back more money on her last claim for her prescription shoes.)

Customer: “This is absolutely disgusting! I’ve been a member for ten years and this is how you treat me?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but $500 is the annual limit for footwear so you’ve already gotten the maximum rebate. That’s the same for everyone no matter how long they’ve been with us.”

Customer: “I don’t care about anyone else! I’ve been with you for ten years and I expect to be shown some gratitude!”

Me: “Ma’am, you’ve only been with us for a year at the most.”

Customer: “WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU! How dare you say that to me! Do you know who you’re talking to!?”

Me: “Yes, you are [Customer] of [Address]. You activated your policy [number] on [Date that’s just barely 12 months from today] and so far have tried to defraud us several times claiming you deserve more money than your policy allows.”

Customer: “HOW THE H*** DO YOU KNOW ALL THAT?!”

Me: “It’s right here on my screen, in your profile. We do pride ourselves on making sure we keep detailed records and know everything important about our customers so we can handle their issues at a moment’s notice.”

Customer: “F***!” *click*

Do Not Face My Wreath

| MA, USA | Holidays, Technology

(I work as a florist. I pick up the phone.)

Customer: “Hi, do you do Christmas wreath repair?”

(The connection is a bit fuzzy and it’s January 22nd, so I’m not sure I heard him right. I ask him to repeat himself, and he does.)

Me: “I’m sorry, do you mean like fake wreaths that need gluing because they’re broken?”

Customer: “No, like… fixing lights on a wreath.”

Me: “Well, we’re a flower shop, so unless you need me to glue together something for you, I can’t do much for you. You could just buy new lights and re-string the wreath.”

Customer: “Re-string? How would I do that? I thought you just had to replace the lights that don’t work.”

Me: *pause* “Right. Either way you want to do it, you’d need to buy lights. Which I don’t sell… because I’m a florist and it’s also January 22nd, so… you could try [Hardware Chain] or online?”

Customer: “But I thought I’d just have to replace the lights.”

Me: “Yes… well… good luck.”

(I hung up quickly.)

Not Paying Top Dollar

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I sell mobile phones at a large electronics store. It’s six days before Christmas. There are sales on certain smartphones for $1 if the person has an existing contract. We have eight pagers out. A woman approaches the help desk.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me; I need to upgrade my phone. I want the $1 iPhone.”

Me: “We have eight customers ahead of you. The wait will be at least an hour.”

Customer #1: “This is ridiculous. I’m on my lunch. I need a phone NOW.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but these customers in line have been waiting over an hour. All our associates are busy helping customers.”

Customer #1: “Why aren’t there more people working? This is so stupid. I need the $1 iPhone!”

Customer #2: *waiting in line* “It’s only a few days before Christmas, lady. Did your really think you could waltz into this store and get a phone for $1 and not wait a long time? Geez, lady!”

(With her face very red, the customer took the pager and waited in line. I guess she wasn’t on her lunch after all, because she waited in line for 70 minutes. When it was finally her turn, we couldn’t upgrade her phone because her bill was past due!)

Capricious About The Capris

| MB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Technology

(The phone rings at work one day and I answer it.)

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I was wondering if you could put a pair of pants on hold for me.”

Me: “No problem. What pants did you need?”

Customer: “I have the number.”

(Most often this is the number of the product on our website and short of pulling the site up and looking at the image the number doesn’t help us find the item.)

Me: “Actually, if you can just describe the item I could find it faster.”

Customer: “It’s a pair of white Capri pants.”

(We currently have six different styles of white Capris in store.)

Me: “Okay… Is there anything else you can tell me about them?”

Customer: “No! I told you, I just have a number!! I’m doing a favour for a friend.”

Me: “All right, do you at least know if they are dress capris or denim capris?”

Customer: “NO! I JUST have a number! Are you not listening?”

Me: *sighs* “Sorry, it’s just we have multiple pairs of white capris and the number doesn’t help me find them short of looking at every pair and trying to match your number.”

(At this time our computer system was in use to ring customers through so I could not use it.)

Customer: “Then do that! The number is…” *states eight digit number quickly*

(I went around looking for the pair but I couldn’t find them in our stock. As we were having our summer clearance we were out of a lot of items.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but we don’t seem to have that item available.”

Customer: *in a very condescending tone* “Well, can you find where it does?”

Me: “Sure; however, just to let you know for future, you can find what store has it by finding it online. Just type the number you have into the website and it will tell you what store carry it in the size you are looking for.”

Customer: “Sure, that’s great if I have a computer.”

Me: *thinking she didn’t have access to one now* “No problem, just for next time so you don’t have to call multiple stores.”

Customer: “I SAID, it’s great IF YOU HAVE A COMPUTER!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll look it up for you here. What is the number?”

Customer: “I already told you! It’s—” *repeats number superfast*

Me: “So that was—” *repeats the first five digits* “—and then?”

Customer: *yelling at this point, repeats the whole eight numbers again*

(I look it up on our system checker which is more accurate and faster than the website but it doesn’t show photos and is only updated every night. Unfortunately her item was sold out across the province, the closest store to have was in Saskatchewan.)

Me: “Sorry, but it looks like the closest place that has it is [Location outside the province].”

Customer: “Can you transfer it in?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we cannot do transfers under $75 and this item is only $20.”

Customer: “THEN HOW DO I GET MY FRIEND HER PANTS?!”

Me: *trying really hard to keep calm as she keeps yelling and treating me like I’m stupid* “You can always order them online. If you don’t want to pay for shipping, you can ship them to the store for free. Just typing in your number in the website will bring the item up.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll do that.” *very sarcastically* “Thanks for the help.” *hangs up*

Me: “I thought she didn’t have access to a computer.”

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