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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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This Call Is Not Looking Good

, | Magdeburg, Germany | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m on the phone with a customer whose connection repeatedly syncs off, and basic troubleshooting hasn’t helped.)

Me: “All right, Mr. [Customer], since you’re online now, I’d like to log into your router to see what kind of error messages it produces when the sync is off.”

Customer: “What, you can do that? You can read my emails? But isn’t this against the data protection law?”

Me: “You don’t have to worry. I can’t read your email. I can only log into your router’s logbook.”

(I proceed to explain what the logbook is for several minutes, until the customer consents.)

Me: “All right, it would seem that you get random timeouts and this is why it syncs off. I’ll try to fix it by reconfiguring your line. It’ll take several minutes; after that I’ll need you to restart your router for me.”

Customer: “All right, but answer me this question: can you see my apartment?”

Me: “Your apartment?”

Customer: “Well, yes. You can see my connection and log into my router, so I guess you can look at my apartment, right?”

Me: *jokingly* “No, sir, we can’t do that; this is the NSA’s job.”

Customer: *laughing* “Ah, okay, then it’s all right. But if you are looking, don’t worry, today I cleaned everything up.”

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Past Due For Another Bad Customer

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Money, Technology

(I work in a corporate cell phone store. In comes a lady and her daughter, and I find out that they are wanting to upgrade the daughter’s account.)

Me: “Okay, well, let me pull up your account to verify that you are eligible for an upgrade. It does appear that you’re due for an upgrade on her line; however, it appears you have a past due balance on your account that would need to be paid.”

Customer: “Past due? I know that bill is not past due! That bill was due the 24th and it’s the 28th.”

(I take a deep breath.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you look at your past billing history your bill is due the 24th every single month.”

Customer: “But for you to say it’s past due is ridiculous.”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, it is past due.”

Customer: “You consider four days being past due?”

Me: “It could be an hour past midnight and the system would consider it past due, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, that’s f***ing ridiculous.”

Me: “Well, to proceed with the upgrade the system requires it to be paid.”

(She paid the bill and we upgraded her daughter. After, she stormed out still disgruntled. I looked in the system and she never paid it on time and was charged a monthly late fee.)

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Will Get The Occasional Hack

| Scranton, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Ya, my a**-hole neighbor hacked into your cable and is watching me!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir? Did you say he hacked our cable and is watching you?”

Customer: “Ya, that’s right! I heard him over there telling all his friends he hacked my cable box and can see me. I want you to put a block on him!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir, but I can assure you that’s not possible.”

Customer: “Yes, it is! I saw it on the news last week!”

Me: “Is it possible he knew you were listening and he is messing with you?”

Customer: “NO! You know it can happen and it happened to me! Are you stupid? I’m being watched and you don’t even care. They hacked into my cable box and they are watching me through the green light on the box. Shut his service off NOW!”

Me: “Sir, If you feel your life is in danger or you’re being talked about maybe you should call the police.”

Customer: “Ya, I’ll call the police now. I’m also going to report your company and they are going to shut you down!”

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with, sir?”

Customer: “NO!” *hangs up*