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Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

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Rage Against The Machine, Part 5

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

(I’m working the self-scans. I had just noticed a pattern of, while I wasn’t looking, someone scanning the same items — two salads — onto a couple different machines and then being gone by the time I looked. Whenever I see a machine with a couple things on the order but neither the customer or their items anywhere, I cancel it to free up the machine. Finally, I spot the customer with the salads fighting with the machine.)

Customer: *shoves coins into the coin acceptor, which spits them back out every time*

Me: *approaches customer* “Ma’am, right now the machine wants to know if you want to purchase any bags.”

Customer: “No.” *frantically slams her finger against the screen in multiple places before she finally hits the NO BAGS option*

Me: “Now you just have to hit the CASH button, and then it’ll read your coins.”

Customer: *slams the cash button violently and starts shoving their coins in*

(I go to help someone else for a bit, but eventually notice the customer is having trouble getting the machine to accept one of her coins. She’s getting more and more violent and slammy as it goes on. I walk over to offer to take her coin at the till.)

Me: “Can I—”

Customer: *she interrupts, yelling right into my face* “NO!”

Me: *takes a careful step back and allows her to continue*

(It took her about five minutes to pay because of this, despite the fact it would have taken only a second had she allowed me to help her. This was the first time I’ve actually been legitimately frightened of a customer. She’s lucky she chose one of the working machines to fight with, though, because there’s one in particular that tends to eat any coins that are dropped into the coin acceptor before it’s told to expect cash. I really don’t want to think about how she might have reacted to that!)

Related:
Rage Against The Machine, Part 4
Rage Against The Machine, Part 3
Rage Against The Machine, Part 2

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Not Part Of The IT Crowd

| MI, USA | Technology

(Although I am an accountant, and in no way connected to the IT department, one of our residents is convinced that I’m the person he should come to with complaints about his Internet service. He often stops by my office to complain about slow speeds and connection issues. To be fair, I do look like a stereotypical IT guy, but I’ve told him repeatedly that I can’t fix his Internet problems.)

Resident: “…and when I was at my son’s house over the weekend, we hooked up the Roku, and got all the channels, at full speed… That administrator stopped by to tell me they were upgrading the speed last week, and NOTHING!…” *ramble, ramble, ramble, ramble*

Me: *nodding with glazed eyes*

Resident: “So ,what do you know about the Internet?”

Me: *snapping out of my trance* “It grew out of DARPA initiatives to connect defense department systems in the 1960s, was adopted by academia in the 1980s, and grew into the world wide web we now know in the early 1990s. And you can find a lot of cat pictures on it.”

Resident: “I meant about the Internet here.”

Me: “Nothing. I know nothing. You need to talk to the IT department.”

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Keep Going Simpler Until He Bytes

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a retail store and I pick up a phone call. It is not abnormal for us to have people ask questions over the phone for rate plans and device info.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering about your prepaid plans. How much are they?”

Me: “The $50 plan gets you unlimited talk text and data with 1GB of 4G and the rest 2G speeds.”

Customer: “Oh okay. I have 2.5 GB right now…”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “Which is more?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Is 1GB more than 2.5GB?”

Me: “2.5GB is more than 1GB, sir.”

Customer: “Oh… how much more is it?”

Me: “I’m sorry? How much more is 2.5GB than 1GB?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “Uh…”

(I go on an elaborate explanation breaking down 1GB to approximately 1000 MB and 2.5GB to 2,500MB and hoped he could see the difference between the two better that way.)

Customer: “Um… okay… so…”

Me: “It’s double and a half more.”

Customer: “Oh! Double and a half! Okay! Thanks!”

Me: “You have a nice day, sir…”

(I could think of no simpler way to explain basic arithmetic to him.)

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Not Scoring Any Extra Points

| UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’ve owned an Xbox for a while, and recently bought a PS3, so I go to a video game shop to get some points to spend on DLC – downloadable content)

Me: “Hi, do you sell the equivalent of Microsoft points for the PS3?”

Cashier: “Yes, we have PSN points. Can I just check that you have online access?”

Me: *confused* “Yes…”

Cashier: “Sorry, we have to ask now. Some customers have bought points when they don’t have online access.”

Me: “People really do that?”

Cashier: “Yeah, and then since it’s a code, we can’t do a refund when they bring it back.”

Me: “Wow.”

(I’m not sure where those customers thought they’d download the DLC from if they don’t have online access…)

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I Don’t Work Here, Repeatedly Does Not Work Here

| Jensen Beach, OR, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Technology

(I’m in town for a business meeting and I pop into an electronic store across the street from the hotel I’m staying in. I’m not wearing store colors or even the khakis and polo uniform, but I am dressed in business attire. I’m standing in the aisle looking at picking up a new video card when a woman approaches me with her young teen sons in tow.)

Mother: “Sir… Sir, can you tell me if this video card will be good enough to handle my son’s new game?”

Son: “It’s [Game].”

(I look around and realizing that all the staff in the area are busy I go ahead and take a look at the video card.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, if I remember the game’s requirements right, this video card will certainly do the trick, but I seem to have noticed that they have this one—” *I pick another one off the shelf* “–that is better and because it’s on sale, cheaper.”

(As she goes about her way, a second customer steps up to me.)

Other Customer: “Sir, I need help finding more RAM.”

(Seeing once again there is nobody around to help…)

Me: “Well, do you know what kind of RAM you’ll need?”

Other Customer: “Umm… no? Is there more than one kind?”

Me: “Yes and while they do carry RAM here, unless you know the model of your computer or better yet, motherboard, there’s no way to be sure you’re getting the right stuff.”

(She promises me she’ll get the computer’s model and come back later. This happens a couple more times and as I have literally nothing better to do and the store seems unusually busy, I go ahead and help them, never ONCE claiming to work there. This keeps on until a fifth person steps up at the same time a manager steps up to me.)

Customer: “So… I noticed you said ‘they.’ You don’t actually work here do you?”

(The manager speaks up before I can say anything.)

Manager: “No, he doesn’t but I feel like I should be slapping a polo on this guy. [Employee] over there will be happy to help you though.”

Manager: *to me* “So… you need a job?”

Me: “Hah, no, I’m only in town for business, I’m just looking at video cards to kill time.”

Manager: “Well, lemme know if you pick one out; we’ll give you the employee discount for today.”

(We both had a good chuckle about that but when I checked out, true to his word, the guy stopped the sales clerk to make sure I got the employee discount.)

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 22
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 21
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 20

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