Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

An Expectation Disconnect

| Petach Tikva, Israel | Money, Technology

(At the ISP where I work, tech support is open 24/7 while other departments have “normal” working hours. This exchange happened at about 10 pm, after all the other departments have closed.)

Me: “[ISP]. This is [My Name] at your service.”

Customer: “My Internet isn’t working! Fix It!”

(The customer gives me the information to bring up his account.)

Me: “Sir, I see you haven’t paid us the past couple of months. That’s why your Internet has cut off. I’m afraid there’s nothing to be done except to speak to customer service tomorrow during their working hours.”

Customer: “And who exactly is going to pay for the twelve hours I’m disconnected until I can talk to them?!”

From An Older And SIM-pler Time

| Helsinki, Finland | Bizarre, Technology

Guest: *pointing at our rack of postcards* “Do you have any [Operator] prepaid sim cards?”

Me: “No, sorry, we don’t have any sim cards.”

Guest: “Then what are these?”

Me: “Postcards.”

Guest: “What?”

Me: “They’re postcards.”

(Guest walked away, visibly confused.)

Milking Young Minds

| Germany | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Technology

Me: “Good morning. You’ve reached [Company]. [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hi, I’m calling from [Local Kindergarten] regarding your products.”

(I’m surprised but think she might want to know something for educational reasons since I can’t think of any possible way our products could be used in a kindergarten.)

Me: “Sure, go on! I’m happy to help you with your questions or put you through to somebody who can.”

Caller: “We’re soon hosting a carnival and I just wanted to make sure: Are your products safe to use on small children?”

Me: “Wait… WHAT?!”

Caller: “Aren’t you [Makeup Company]?”

Me: “No… we’re a manufacturer for mechanical milkers… for cows.”

Caller: “Oh… Oh, dear! I already thought your company name sounded weird. I’m very sorry. Please don’t tell anybody about this…”

(Turned out said makeup company had the same number as we did, only with a different area code. However, “But can we safely use that product on small children?” still is a running gag in our technical department.)

Switching It Back Around To You

| Germany | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Prank, Technology

(I work at a small IT service provider with mostly small businesses as customers. A certain customer has purchased a PC through us, including a 36 month on-site service contract by the manufacturer. That means if there is a problem the customer contacts us and we contact the manufacturer, who will then send a service technician to the customer within two days. A few days after the customer received the PC, he calls.)

Me: “[Company]. [My Name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Hello, this is [Customer]. I got that new PC from you last week. It won’t turn on. It worked before I left for a schooling last week and now it’s broken. It’s still brand new!”

Me: “Oh, I’m very sorry to hear that. Did you try…”

(I walk him through a few steps he might try, including changing the wall outlet and stuff. He has already tried all that; no change.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll contact the manufacturer. They will call you back within the hour to schedule an appointment for the technician.”

Customer: “Can’t you come and check it?”

Me: “Sure. But it’s a one hour drive to get to you. The technician is free, as you purchased the service contract. I’ll do it, of course, if you need it today.”

Customer: “No, I can work on my laptop. I can wait that long.”

(So I contact the manufacturer. They say they’ll replace the mainboard which is their standard first step. An hour later the customer calls me to have me know that the technician is scheduled to visit in two days. Fast forward two days later, the phone rings.)

Me: “[Company]. [My Name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “This is [Customer]. Just to let you know… the computer works now.”

Me: “Ah. So it was indeed the mainboard?”

Customer: “No… he didn’t even need to open the computer.”

Me: “Then what was the problem?”

Customer: “My son decided to turn off the PC’s main power switch as a prank. It was very effective.”

Me: “Oh… I see… so now I get to write that into my report. That’s a first for me, too. Well, I’m glad it works now.”

Customer: “Yes. Also, I told him that since the very expensive technician had to come to fix the computer, we won’t be able to afford the Switch he wanted for his birthday.”

Me: “Ouch… isn’t that a bit harsh?”

Customer: “Don’t worry; he’ll get it. But I had to wait two days for my computer, so he can wait two days for his Switch.”

Will Need To Explore Some Therapy Options

| UK | Technology

(Working on a tech support line:)

Me: “Okay, so what browser are you using?”

Client: “What’s a browser?”

Me: *sigh* “Okay, do you know if you use Firefox, Chrome, Internet Explorer?”

Client: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay, at the bottom of the page where your start button is—”

Client: “What’s that?”

Me: “The little Windows symbol in the left hand corner of your screen.”

Client: “Oh, okay!”

Me: “Next to that are some little icons. Is there an icon that looks like a blue ‘e’?”

Client: “I don’t know. There is the calculator, a notepad, and the symbol for the explorer.”

Me: “…”

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