Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Placing An Ad In The Daily Prophet

| NM, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I answer the phone.)

Customer: “I sent you the file for my ad. Were you able to open it?”

Me: “I don’t see anything in the email except your signature. Are you sure you sent it?”

Customer: “Yes! It’s the running bird!”

Me: “The animated gif file in your signature?”

Customer: “That’s the one.”

Me: “This is a print shop. I can’t even begin to explain why this won’t print.”

Customer: “There are moving billboards now. Aren’t those printed? Do what the billboards do.”

Hand-Washing Your Hand Of This Customer

| Dallas, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I was working in a popular discount home decor/supply store at the returns/exchanges desk when a woman approaches with an obviously more than used frying pan.)

Me: “Hello, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I want to return this pan; it’s horrible!”

Me: “Okay, well, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Of course not! I bought it six years ago!”

Me: “Hmm, well, it doesn’t have any of the original packaging, and with no receipt, there’s really not much I can do here. Do you remember what you paid for it originally?”

(At this point, I’m really just trying to be as nice as I can. Maybe there’s some way I can figure out store credit or something, but I doubt it.)

Customer: “Not that it’s any of your business, but it was six dollars!”

Me: “Really? You bought it six years ago, for six dollars, and you expect it to still be in good condition after years of repeated use?”

Customer: “Those were six hard earned dollars, and I expect them back! This pan is a piece of crap! It should still be under warranty, though!”

Me: “Ma’am, I think they only offer warranties on cookware in a much higher price range.”

(For my own home, I only buy high quality cookware — I would never buy anything from the store I work at and expect it to last longer that a couple of months — so I am familiar with the warranty policies on some of the better known brands of cookware, not that I can even tell the brand without the packaging!)

Customer: “Well, there should be a warranty on this pan. It’s a piece of crap! And you need to refund my money. I shop here all the time!”

Me: *finally giving up* “Ma’am, there’s not much you can expect from a six dollar pan. The fact that you got six years out of it is frankly unbelievable! This is about the best six dollar pan I’ve ever seen. Besides which, there’s no proof you bought it here, as there’s no packaging, and no receipt. I’d be happy to show you where we stock the new pans.”

Customer: “NO! I WANT A D*** REFUND! THIS PAN SHOULD BE UNDER WARRANTY!”

Me: *clueing in on how to end this* “Ma’am, this is a Teflon coated pan. May I ask how you washed it?”

Customer: “The dishwasher. What do I look like, an idiot?”

Me: “Ma’am, Teflon is handwash only; washing it in the dishwasher would void the warranty.”

Customer: “Oh, god d*** it!”

Their Comprehension Is Limited

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(I’m a manager of a small pizzeria. Our coupons do not have expiration dates, but do specify “for a limited time only; all prices subject to change without notice.”)

Customer #1: “I got this coupon for $11.99.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that offer has expired. The combo is now $12.99, so it will just be a dollar more.”

Customer #2: *evidently grabs phone from [Customer #1]* “HEY! You gotta accept this coupon because there’s no expiration date on it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, that was for a limited time. We no longer have that offer. It’s now $12.99.”

Customer #2: “Nope, it doesn’t have an expiration date! All it says is, “limited time offer; prices subject to change without notice.” SEE, it doesn’t have a date on it! So you gotta take it.”

(After this goes on a couple of more rounds, she angrily accepted it, and let me know she’ll be contacting the owner.)

Should Have Looked In The Phone/Book

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work at a large chain book retailer. We sell product online as well as in our stores.)

Customer: “Where is your customer service desk?”

Me: “The cash desk? It’s just behind you.”

Customer: “No, your customer service desk. I need to order a book.”

Me: “We don’t have a customer service desk, but I can help you find a book or order one if we don’t have it in stock. I will just take you over to one of our customer use computers.”

(I lead him over to one of the many computers on the sales floor.)

Customer: “Oh, you just order off [Large Online Competitor]?”

Me: “No, sir, our online orders are though [Company Website].”

Customer: “Not [Large Online Competitor]?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Are you sure it’s not through [Large Online Competitor]?”

Me: “No, sir. [Large Online Competitor] is our competitor and not affiliated with us.”

Customer: “Oh, so, do you sell electronics?”

Me: “Yes, we sell a few small electronics such as e-readers.”

Customer: “Do you sell cell phones?”

Me: “No, we do not.”

Customer: “Not even on your website?”

Me: “No, sir. Just e-readers.”

Customer: “But how do you know for sure?”

Me: “Sir, we are a book retailer. I can guarantee we do not sell cell phones.”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re not [Large Online Competitor]?”

Me: “No. This is [Company].”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I guess I’ll go home and order from [Large Online Competitor].”

Caught In The Techno-babble Web

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Every Wednesday my company hosts a career advancement webinar. I make courtesy calls to remind people that it’s going to start soon and see if they need anything. The invitation they need to access the chat room has already been sent out for this day.)

Me: “Good morning. I’m [My Name] from [Company]. This is a courtesy call to see if you got the invitation to the webinar today and—”

Client: *interrupting* “—a what?! What’s a webinar?”

Me: “It’s the web-based seminar you signed up for.”

Client: “The web? What’s a web?”

Me: “Well, sir, it’s a term for the Internet.”

Client: “Well, you people never sent me the address to the webinar so I’m not going. I know everything there is to know about IT and I don’t need you to teach me anything.”

Me: “Well, sir, if you change your mind, you have my number and we meet almost every Wednesday.”

Client: “I’m not going to because your company is obviously useless. You’re making up stupid words to confuse me into looking into your services. Good day, madam!” *hangs up*

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