Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

Pulled Something Out Of The Bag

| AK, USA | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners

(I’m checking out and bagging for a customer with a reputation for being a little difficult and picky about the way her items are bagged. Normally I get this feeling of dread because she always comes to my lane, even when everyone else’s are open. But today her husband comes up.)

Customer: “Oh! [Husband], let me introduce you to this cashier!”

Me: “Uhm… hello.”

Husband: “Hi?”

Customer: “Listen to this, [Husband]. This is my FAVORITE cashier here. I mean, she’s always just so POLITE and PATIENT with me, ‘yes ma’am,’ ‘thank you, ma’am’… I always go to her lane; she’s much better than those other cashiers!” *to me* “Thank you, honey!”

Me: “No problem… That’ll be [total].”

(The customer and her husband leave, and honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever see her the same again!)

He Is Weigh Out Of Line

, | WA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

(It is a few days before Christmas. One of my coworkers is nearby.)

Me: “Hi there, sir. Are you finding everything all right?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m just trying to decide which size sweater would fit my wife better.”

Me: “Do you know what size she normally wears?”

Customer: “Not really, but she is bigger than you… especially in the breasts… She is more like your size!” *gesturing to my coworker*

(Turns around to address my coworker.)

Customer: “What do you weigh?”

Optional Advice

| Toronto, ON, USA | Crazy Requests, School, Spouses & Partners

Student: “This is an emergency! I need help NOW!”

Me: “Did you need me to call 9-1-1, or simply directions to the nearest hospital?”

Student: “No! I need to talk to a career counselor NOW!”

Me: “The career advisors work on an appointment basis. How does next Tuesday work for you?”

Student: “No! I need to talk to somebody NOW!”

Me: “Well, I suppose I can help you. What question do you need answered?”

Student: “I was offered two jobs and I need somebody to tell me what to do.”

Me: “Congratulations on the two job offers. Please tell me more about each position.”

Student: “One job is in Toronto and the other is in Windsor.”

Me: “Well, is relocation an option?”

Student: “I don’t want to leave Toronto.”

Me: “Well, I believe you’ve made your decision.”

Student: “But the job in Windsor pays $20,000 more per year.”

Me: “Is relocation an option?”

Student: “My wife doesn’t want to leave Toronto.”

Me: “Is divorce an option?”