Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

Has No Hang Ups About Hanging Up

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Spouses & Partners

(In our call center, we are not allowed to hang up on customers unless they have been warned at least once, and are either using improper/suggestive language or are calling just to talk about something that is in no way relevant to our company. We are also not allowed to solicit a transfer to a supervisor. I’ve been on this call 30 minutes already:)

Me: “Sir, I’ve already told you, we are unable to do what you are requesting. You’re typically allowed two options in these situations, and I’m bending the rules by offering you the third option.”

Caller: “I don’t care. Give me your supervisor. They can give me what I want.”

(Our ‘supervisors’ are people who have desired and proven their ability to be well versed in policy and have access to a few minor additional programs. I am also one, but it isn’t my assigned day to work as one. I call.)

Supervisor: “It’s [Supervisor].”

Me: “Hey, it’s me. Here’s what’s up.” *I explain the situation*

Supervisor: “Send him through.”

Caller: “Hi, I was told that if I was transferred to you, you have the ability to do what I want, and that is [nonrefundable service already purchased] refunded and for me to have a free one.”

Supervisor: “NO, you weren’t. You were—”

Caller: “Yes, I was and you need to give it to me, because if you don’t, that’s false advertising. You need to give me what I was promised or I—”

Supervisor: “Sir, I’m talking and will not tolerate interruption. As I was saying, you were given an extra option that my representative bent the rules to offer. I know what you were offered because I’m sitting next to her, and she is the most lenient and patient person we have. I’m her opposite. When you were transferred you lost that option because you didn’t take it when you had the chance. Now you have three options: [standard option a], [standard option b], or hanging up and deciding later. If you don’t decide, I will pick for you.”

Caller: “But I don’t want—”

Supervisor: “Okay, I’m deciding for you. I am hanging up. When you decide, call back.”

(My supervisor knows me so well because we always sit together. At work, in the car, and at home. We were hired at the same time, advanced at the same time, and got married six years ago.)

Data Can Be Fluid

| NJ, USA | Spouses & Partners, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I work at an office supply store that also sells technology. I work in the supplies department, and get a call:)

Me: “Office supplies, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I was wondering, do you have hard drive fluid?”

Me: “…hard drive fluid? That’s… not a thing.”

Customer: “Yes, it is! Do you have any?!”

Me: “Let me transfer you to the technology department. They’ll be able to assist you.”

(I transfer him to a coworker who comes to talk to me after.)

Coworker: “Hard drive fluid?”

Me: “Yeah, I have no idea.”

Coworker: “You know that was your boyfriend, right?”

Me: “No…”

(That was not the first, or last, time my boyfriend called to prank the store, where he previously worked, although he never tried it on me again.)

Party Supplies In His Pants

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners, Technology

(I am working the tablet display counter when a man walks in with his wife.)

Customer: “So, what’s the difference between these two tablets?”

Me: “This one has a faster processor and is better for playing video games or watching movies.”

Customer: “Good, because I’ll need the larger screen to watch all that po-… uh, party supplies…”

(At this, I can’t keep it together. The wife promptly collects her husband and leaves. As they’re leaving, he says…)

Customer: “I wanted to look at party supplies, honest…”

The ‘M’ Is Not For Monogamy

| USA | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners, Technology

Customer: “I can’t remember my password. Help?”

(I verify his identity.)

Me: “Your hint is ‘wife’s name.'”

Customer: “Crap, which one?”

Me: “It… starts with an ‘m?'”

Customer: “Oh, that one. Thanks!”

Grand Theft Innocence, Part 12

| Kolding, Denmark | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

(It is shortly after the EU release of the popular video game ‘Grand Theft Auto V.’ I have just gotten off from work, and am walking through the supermarket I work at to get to the employee exit. I have just entered the beverage section of the supermarket, when suddenly a guy around the age of 18 comes crashing into one of the beverages coolers on a three-wheel kids bike.)

Me: “Whaa-”

(Before i get to react, he turns his head to me, still sitting on the bike, and looks at me.)

Customer: “Yo, give me all your money, b****!”

(I just stand completely confused, when suddenly he turns his head back down the aisle he came from.)

Customer: “Aww, f***, they are on to me!”

(He quickly pedals away from me on the little bike, followed by a girl I presumed to be his girlfriend running after him. She faces me shortly before running after him.)

Customer’s Girlfriend: “I’m so sorry. He has been playing that new Grand Theft Auto game all week.”

Customer: *a couple of aisles away* “You ain’t getting me punk!”

Related:
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 11
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 10
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9